31. Rams (11.5 points)

The Raanan Rankings: Preseason

Offense: 2

Defense: 2.5

Special Teams: 2.5

Quarterback: 2.5

Coaching:2

Overall: Right now, St. Louis is one of two teams (see No. 32) below average in all five categories. That will change if Sam Bradford is anywhere near as good as I think he can be. (AP Photo/Tom Gannam)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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NFL's No. 1-32 By Jordan Raanan, XFINITY Sports NFL Columnist

I know. I'm not Lee Russakoff. I'm younger, dumber and strikingly better looking, none of which really have anything to do with being handed the daunting task of taking over the coveted XFINITY Sports NFL power rankings.

My power rankings will be different. They will not be (completely) subjective, they'll be objective. Every week each team will be graded in five categories—offense, defense, special teams, quarterback and coaching—on a 1-5 basis, with 1 having the stench of JaMarcus Russell and 5 smelling like Tom Brady. (FYI: I assume Tom Brady smells like Stetson even after five hours in uniform. Seriously, what can't that guy do?) Scores will be tabulated and teams ranked. Ties will be broken based first on wins and then on quarterback (the two most important things in football).

I know. This is deeply scientific. It took me years to put together this insanely complex formula. Wish me luck.

(Note: For the preseason rankings only, all teams with rookie coaches were given a 2 out of 5. And ties were broken based on last year's win totals.)

Jordan Raanan has covered the NFL since 2005. Follow him on Twitter @JordanRaanan or email him at jraanan@hotmail.com. (AP Photos)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
1. Patriots (21.... Offense: 5

Defense: 2

Special Teams: 4.5

Quarterback: 5

Coaching 5

Overall: Their defense is still a liability. But Brady and Belichick easily outweigh the minor foible. (AP Photo/Paul Sancya)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
2. Packers (21 p... Offense: 5

Defense: 2.5

Special Teams: 4

Quarterback: 5

Coaching: 4.5

Overall: There are many reasons the Packers finished 15-1 last season. Those reasons are the same reasons they are ranked this high in these rankings. (AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
3. Steelers (21 ... Offense: 4

Defense: 5

Special Teams: 3

Quarterback: 4.5

Coaching: 4.5

Overall: It doesn't matter that these aren't your typical run-first Steelers. They can throw it around the yard, are well coached and have your typical dominating defense. (AP Photo/Don Wright)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
4. Giants (20 po... Offense: 4.5

Defense: 3

Special Teams: 3

Quarterback: 4.5

Coaching: 5

Overall: They are the Super Bowl champs for a reason—most notably their quarterback and coach. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
5. Broncos (19.5... Offense: 4

Defense: 3

Special Teams: 4.5

Quarterback: 4

Coach: 4

Overall: Even I was surprised the Broncos graded out so well. I guess Peyton Manning—even at 80 percent— makes that much of a difference. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
6. 49ers (19 poi... Offense: 3

Defense: 4.5

Special Teams: 5

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 3.5

Overall: I thought the 49ers were a bit of a fluke last season. My ranking system tells me differently. San Francisco is average or better in all five categories. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
7. Ravens (18.5 ... Offense: 3.5

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 3.5

Quarterback: 3.5

Coaching: 4

Overall: The Ravens are solid, if unspectacular, all the way around. I may, however, have overrated the defense without their top pass rusher and with their two stars aging. Respect... for now. (AP Photo/Winslow Townson)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
8. Texans (18.5 ... Offense: 4

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 4

Quarterback: 3.5

Coaching: 3

Overall: Matt Schaub, Arian Foster, Andre Johnson and a solid offensive line are strong to quite strong. (AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
9. Bengals (18 p... Offense: 3.5

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 4.5

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 3

Overall: The Bungles? Really? Really! Cincy has built a nice, young all-around squad. It looks like 2011 wasn't an aberration after all. If Andy Dalton is for real, Cincy could even crack the Top 5 before October. (AP Photo/David Kohl)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
10. Eagles (18 p... Offense: 4.5

Defense: 3

Special Teams: 2.5

Quarterback: 4

Coaching: 4

Overall: The defense is improved and the real Michael Vick is most likely somewhere between his 2010 dominance and 2011 struggles. That's IF he's healthy and on the field. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
11. Bears (18 po... Offense: 3.5

Defense: 3.5

Special Teams: 4.5

Quarterback: 3.5

Coaching: 3

Overall: Times are a changin'. The Bears offense may actually be the strong point this season. (AP Photo/Joe Mahoney)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
12. Falcons (17.... Offense: 4

Defense: 3.5

Special Teams: 2.5

Quarterback: 4

Coaching: 3.5

Overall: Atlanta is now officially a passing team. (AP Photo/Mike Carlson)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
13. Jets (17.5 p... Offense: 2

Defense: 4.5

Special Teams: 4

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 4

Overall: With Rex Ryan coaching the defense and Mike Westhoff running the special teams, the Jets are once again set in two phases of the game. It's Mark Sanchez and the offense keeping them out of the realm of the elite. (AP Photo/Bill Kostroun)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
14. Saints (17 p... Offense: 5

Defense: 3

Special Teams: 3.5

Quarterback: 4.5

Coaching: 1

Overall: The bounty fallout hits the Saints hardest in the coach's box. (AP Photo/Jonathan Bachman)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
15. Lions (17 po... Offense: 4.5

Defense: 3

Special Teams: 1.5

Quarterback: 4.5

Coaching: 3.5

Overall: The Lions defense and special teams still have something to prove before they enter the air of the elite. Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson are waiting. (AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
16. Chargers (16... Offense: 3.5

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 3.5

Quarterback: 4

Coaching: 1.5

Overall: Norv. 'Nuff said. (AP Photo/Duane Burleson)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
17. Chiefs (16 p... Offense: 3.5

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 3

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 2.5

Overall: If I did traditional power rankings, the Chiefs might have cracked my Top 10. But Matt Cassel throwing to an unsettled group of receivers and a head coach who still has a lot to prove really holds them back. (AP Photo/Duane Burleson)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
18. Cowboys (15.... Offense: 3

Defense: 3.5

Special Teams: 2

Quarterback: 4

Coaching: 3

Overall: Dallas has some really good players (DeMarcus Ware, Brandon Carr, Tony Romo, Dez Bryant) but also some pretty big holes (offensive line, safety, depth). Preseason injuries also knocked their offense down a peg. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
19. Raiders (15.... Offense: 3.5

Defense: 2

Special Teams: 5

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 2

Overall: It's a good thing the Raiders have two big legs to keep them out of the disaster zone. The talent is just not there on the defensive side of the ball. (AP Photo/Gary Wiepert)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
20. Seahawks (15... Offense: 3

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 3

Quarterback: 2.5

Coaching: 3

Overall: It's never a good situation to have your unproven quarterback— Matt Flynn —looking over his shoulder. Part of that is Pete Carroll's fault. (AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
21. Titans (15 p... Offense: 2.5

Defense: 3.5

Special Teams: 4

Quarterback: 2.5

Coaching: 2.5

Overall: No Kenny Britt is a killer. The Titans just don't have enough weapons for a first-year starting quarterback. (AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
22. Cardinals (1... Offense: 2.5

Defense: 3.5

Special Teams: 3.5

Quarterback: 2

Coaching: 3

Overall: The Cards defense is headed in the right direction. The offense is headed in the wrong direction. Two backup quarterbacks equals no quarterback. (AP Photo/Ross D. Franklin)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
23. Panthers (14... Offense: 4

Defense: 2.5

Special Teams: 2

Quarterback: 3.5

Coaching: 2.5

Overall: Cam can. The defense and special teams still can't. (AP Photo/Bob Leverone)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
24. Redskins (14... Offense: 2.5

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 1

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 4

Overall: RG3 may be the savior, but he's still a rookie. And he still doesn't have enough to work with. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
25. Bills (14 po... Offense: 3

Defense: 3

Special Teams: 3.5

Quarterback: 2.5

Coaching: 2

Overall: You just can't really believe in a team with the quarterback/coach combination of Ryan Fitzpatrick and Chan Gailey. It doesn't matter how dominant your defensive line may be after the offseason additions of Mario Williams and Mark Anderson. (AP Photo/David Duprey)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
26. Bucs (14 poi... Offense: 3.5

Defense: 2.5

Special Teams: 3

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 2

Overall: The Bucs may be better offensively, but their defense still has a ways to go. (AP Photo/Mike Carlson)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
27. Dolphins (13... Offense: 1.5

Defense: 4

Special Teams: 4.5

Quarterback: 1.5

Coaching: 2

Overall: The Dolphins are this high because of their defense and special teams. They're this low because of rookie Ryan Tannehill and his supporting cast. That's a bad combo, like Chad Johnson and the Dolphins. (AP Photo/J Pat Carter)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
28. Jaguars (11.... Offense: 1.5

Defense: 3.5

Special Teams: 3.5

Quarterback: 1

Coaching: 2

Overall: Blaine Gabbert needs Maurice Jones-Drew. In fact, he needs more than MJD. (AP Photo/Wade Payne)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
29. Browns (11.5... Offense: 2

Defense: 1.5

Special Teams: 4

Quarterback: 2

Coaching: 2

Overall: The Browns would have rated out higher if not for injuries and suspensions for some (Joe Haden, Scott Fujita, Phil Taylor, Chris Gocong) of their better defensive players. (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
30. Colts (11.5 ... Offense: 2

Defense: 1

Special Teams: 3.5

Quarterback: 3

Coaching: 2

Overall: Andrew Luck can't cure all the Colts' woes, especially on defense. It doesn't help that they have a rookie head coach and quarterback, either. (AP Photo/Michael Conroy)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
31. Rams (11.5 p... Offense: 2

Defense: 2.5

Special Teams: 2.5

Quarterback: 2.5

Coaching:2

Overall: Right now, St. Louis is one of two teams (see No. 32) below average in all five categories. That will change if Sam Bradford is anywhere near as good as I think he can be. (AP Photo/Tom Gannam)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
32. Vikings (11 ... Offense: 2

Defense: 2.5

Special Teams: 2

Quarterback: 2.5

Coaching: 2

Overall: What exactly is the Minnesota's strength? Even their pass rush and run defense are brought down by their secondary. (AP Photo/Genevieve Ross)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.