The Dreadful Dozen

Lee Russakoff's NFL 2009 Preseason Power Rankings -- The Dreadful Dozen

Every year I set out to do my preseason power rankings, I'm reminded of one over-arching theme: Preseason rankings are 100 percent subjective.

That's the beauty of the NFL. You never know what's going to happen from one year to the next. Last year's cellar dweller very well could be making a run at the Super Bowl this year. It's virtually impossible to predict when some team is going to put it all together and have a diamond-ring LeVander Williams-inspired season.

In fact, at this point it's not even surprising when it happens anymore.

So if you find your squad in the Dreadful Dozen, fret not. At least one of these teams is guaranteed to jump up and make the playoffs. That's how this all works.

Now that I've braced myself for your ire, I'm ready. Without further adieu: here's your Bottom 12. Stay tuned for the Tenable 10 on Wednesday and the Exemplary X on Thursday.

Shuffle up and deal.

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The Dreadful Doz... Every year I set out to do my preseason power rankings, I'm reminded of one over-arching theme: Preseason rankings are 100 percent subjective.
That's the beauty of the NFL. You never know what's going to happen from one year to the next. Last year's cellar dweller very well could be making a run at the Super Bowl this year. It's virtually impossible to predict when some team is going to put it all together and have a diamond-ring LeVander Williams-inspired season.
In fact, at this point it's not even surprising when it happens anymore.
So if you find your squad in the Dreadful Dozen, fret not. At least one of these teams is guaranteed to jump up and make the playoffs. That's how this all works.
Now that I've braced myself for your ire, I'm ready. Without further adieu: here's your Bottom 12. Stay tuned for the Tenable 10 on Wednesday and the Exemplary X on Thursday.
Shuffle up and deal.
32. Denver Bronc... Why there’s hope: Maybe Josh McDaniels is an evil genius (like his mentor). Maybe the rookie head coach and his new GM Brian Xanders are making all these bizarre offseason moves as a part of a secret, divine and awe-inspiring master plan. Maybe Kyle Orton was bogged down in Chi-Town because of his receivers, maybe Brian Dawkins hasn’t lost a step, maybe Brandon Marshall will be extra-motivated to prove his worth, maybe Jamie Winborn was the leading tackler by default, maybe a 3-4 defense will make them better against the run…
Why there’s doubt: Then again, maybe not… (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)
31. Detroit Lion... Why there’s hope: Are you kidding? This is the highest the Lions have been ranked in 13 months. Detroit is movin’ on up, kids. Stafford looks like he may just have the goods, Calvin Johnson is arguably the most skilled WR in the league, and it’s highly possible that adding 24 new players over the offseason (not including the draft) will infuse new blood into a team that won as many games as I did last season.
Why there’s doubt: Sure, Matt Millen is gone. But the Lions promoted two within the organization to take on his duties. Tom Lewland, the new CEO has been part of the front office for a decade full of disappointment. And Martin Mayhew was Millen’s right-hand man within the organization. “Failing up” may be a corporate mainstay, but NFL teams have no business partaking in the philosophy. (AP Photo/Paul Sancya)
30. Oakland Raid... Why there’s hope: There was some visible improvement last year. And hey, if Tom Cable doesn’t like how JaMarcus is practicing, we know he can always punch him in the jaw.
Why there’s doubt: Um … these are still the Raiders. Who trades a 30-year-old Randy Moss for a fourth-round pick and then turns around and trades a first-round pick to the same team for a 30-year-old Richard Seymour? How’s that make sense? Oakland has become “that guy” in your fantasy football league. You know the guy who “ruins” the league every year by trading Adrian Peterson for Earnest Graham, Warrick Dunn, Kevin Curtis and Stephen Gostowski (“What? I got the best kicker in the league.”) (AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)
29. Cleveland Br... Why there’s hope: This team has talent everywhere, it’s just thin. Joe Thomas, Shaun Rodgers, Josh Cribbs, Braylon Edwards. These guys are stars no matter what uniform they put on.
Why there’s doubt: Want to know what Eric Mangini’s real QB secret is? Both of his guys stink. And losing Kellen Winslow is not going to make them look any better. Maybe Mangenius will bring this team a defensive identity, but he wore out his welcome in New York after failing to implement a defense that came to play every week. (AP Photo/M. Spencer Green)
28. Tampa Bay Bu... Why there’s hope: Year after year experts discount Tampa’s aging defense. But the guys seem to keep getting it done. Derrick Brooks is gone, but Barrett Ruud is ready to take his place. On the offensive side, Derrick Ward gives them three good RBs and you’d be hard-pressed to find a WR who has done more with less than Antonio Bryant.
Why there’s doubt: The Bucs still don’t have a No. 1 QB. I know Byron Leftwich looked good in spot starts for Pittsburgh last year, but the guy has had more leg injuries than Lieutenant Dan. I’d bet on Mons Venus going out of business before putting money on Leftwich lasting 16 games. (Fun Fact: There are more strip clubs in Tampa (43) than city hospitals (12), high schools (41), fire stations (21) or synagogues (13). (AP Photo/John Russell)
27. Kansas City ... Why there’s hope: They’re in the right division. The AFC West is as bad as it gets this year. Oakland is a mess, Denver is purposely going backwards and San Diego can’t seem to put it all together. If the Chargers wind up folding, seven or eight wins could take this division. And I like what Todd Haley is doing. Pair him with Scott Pioli, and you got a heckuva brain trust. Arrowhead remains the toughest place to play in the league … you never know, this could be a team that jumps up and surprises some people.
Why there’s doubt: In this league, if you can’t get to the QB, you’re toast. K.C. had a league-worst 10 sacks last year. 10! I think Derrick Thomas had 10 in one game back in his heyday. It’s time for Glenn Dorsey to take control and pressure some QBs. (AP Photo/Orlin Wagner)
26. St. Louis Ra... Why there’s hope: For starters, the Rams are the hot sleeper pick among experts. The reason is simple, this offseason, St. Louis focused on the O-line, adding two Jasons, Brown and Smith. In a league that’s won in the trenches, that’s good strategy. Especially considering you have the NFL’s best double-threat RB in Steven Jackson.
Why there’s doubt: Adding pieces to the O-line doesn’t necessarily make it better. Will the line live up to its Madden ratings? Plus, Jackson is like Rose and Bernard on Lost – he's great once he gets on screen, but week-to-week you can’t count on him making it onto the field. (AP Photo/Tom Gannam)
25. Buffalo Bill... Why there’s hope: I love me some T.O. Buffalo has amassed some real offensive fire power: Owens, Lee Evans, Marshawn Lynch, Fred Jackson … and Trent Edwards is finally showing signs that he’s ready to make the jump. The defense is full of youth and excitement, which will likely lead to huge game-changing plays – both good and bad.
Why there’s doubt: All the offensive talent in the world doesn’t matter if you can’t block. And the Bills may have the worst O-line in the league. I don’t know much, but I know that's a recipe for disaster. (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)
24. New York Jet... Why there’s hope: It’s a new day for New York’s other team. Rex Ryan, Mark Sanchez and Bart Scott are in. Eric Mangini, Brett Favre and Mike Nugent are out. The key offensively will be the O-line. Will Thomas Jones, Leon Washington and rookie Shonn Greene be able to find holes this year? Last year’s early run was built on the back of the ground game, and if this team has any shot at a playoff run, it’s going to be based on pounding the ball inside yet again. A rookie QB and a dearth at WR depth puts a ton of pressure on Jerricho Cotchery and Dustin Keller to perform.
Why there’s doubt: Is Mark Sanchez the golden boy Rex Ryan wants him to be? We know the arm-strength is average … we know running a “pro style” offense at USC is a lot different than running one in the NFL and we know he played just one full year of college ball. Throwing him into the fire Week 1 seems desperate and is probably as much about Kellen Clemens’ lack of talent as it is about Ryan’s belief in Sanchez. It would be easier if he had two veteran WRs on the outside. But Lavernues is gone … and I don’t see David Clowney or Chansi Stuckey picking up the slack. (AP Photo/Nick Wass)
23. Cincinnati B... Why there’s hope: Child please. Because it’s time to kiss the baby. Plus, Chris Henry is the next Randy Moss.… “Hard Knocks” hype aside, the reason for hope is simple for Ocho, Marvin and Co.: These guys need to win now to save their jobs. It’s time for the defense to step up and stop people. Marvin Lewis was brought here as a defensive guru. It’s been six years. Time to defense or defect.
Why there’s doubt: Offensively, this team has no shot without Carson Palmer. And No. 9 is already dinged up. Even if he is healthy … there are so many question marks: Will Cedric Benson regress? Will Chris Henry stay out of trouble? Will Ochocinco maintain some semblance of sanity? Cincy is another hot pick this year, but team chemistry has held it back the past few years and I don’t see how that’s improved over the offseason. (AP Photo/Al Behrman)
22. San Francisc... Why there’s hope: Mike Singletary is scary. Have you see that hill? Badass. I think Singletary knows his team lacks explosiveness, which is why he is trying to toughen up his players in an effort to turn the regular season into 16 street brawls. There’s no doubt when you play San Fran this year, the Niners are going to bring the fight. In the NFL sometimes that’s half the battle (unlike G.I. Joe, where it’s “knowing”).
Why there’s doubt: The star player and key to the entire season can’t stay healthy. Frank Gore was the Niners’ offense last year. And while he’s clearly a gamer (45 games over the last three years), he also has finished the last few season well shy of 100 percent. And if Gore isn’t in top form, the Niners have to fall back on Shaun Hill and a group of suspect WRs who scare no one. (AP Photo/Tony Avelar)
21. New Orleans ... Why there’s hope: Drew Brees and Sean Payton run a top five offense that can score from anywhere on the field. Pierre Thomas looks ready to take on Deuce’s role and if Reggie Bush is healthy, he’s still one of those players who can change the entire outlook of a game with one touch.
Why there’s doubt: The defense was horrible last year, giving up 393 points. Gregg Williams, Jabari Greer and Darren Sharper have been brought in to turn it around. But I’m not sold. The secondary is improved, but I need to see more from the front seven I don’t know if the old adage still rings as true as it once did, but I do know this: You have to be able to stop the other team at least once a game to win championships. (AP Photo/Bill Feig)
Don't See Your T... Are they in the Tenable Ten? If not take heart, your squad's made the Exemplary X, which will be released on Thursday. (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)