Stand up to Cyberbullying

Common Sense Media's Cyberbullying Toolkit

When you hear the word "cyberbullying," the victim and bully come to mind. What about the bystanders? These silent witnesses play a big part in the vicious circle of bullying. That's why speaking up has never been more important. —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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Stand up to Cybe... When you hear the word "cyberbullying," the victim and bully come to mind. What about the bystanders? These silent witnesses play a big part in the vicious circle of bullying. That's why speaking up has never been more important. —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Cyberbullying Af...
Texting, social sites, email, and IM -- this is how kids socialize. They tune in to find out who's dating whom or what the math homework is. But kids can also use these tools to threaten, harass, or gang up on other kids. As the drama plays out among a circle of friends, everyone becomes involved. Kids take turns playing different roles, as the aggressor, the victim, the bystander -- or they may stand up and try to stop it.
To really fight cyberbullying, it helps to know what's going on in your kids' world -- socially, developmentally, and technologically. As your kids get older, their understanding of the world expands, social lives get more complex, and access to social media skyrockets. With age-appropriate guidelines, you can encourage the kind of responsible, respectful, safe behavior that allows your kid to reap the benefits of new technology while curbing the spread of online cruelty.
Help your kid stand up -- not stand by -- with guidance on:
- What's Going on in Their World
- Where They Are Developmentally
- Advice and Tips
- Conversation Starters
—Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Preschoolers (Ag...
What's Going on in Their World
Technology is already part of their lives. Toddlers and preschoolers can "swipe" a smartphone, click a mouse, and imitate their parents talking on a cell phone. Many are also training their parents to fork over their phone whenever they fuss.
Where They Are Developmentally
The toddler and preschool years are all about learning to talk, socialize, and share toys. At this age, children learn best by doing and benefit from using all five senses to understand their environment.
Advice and Tips
- Nurture the life skills that will help your child develop empathy and executive function -- the ability to think through the consequences of their behavior.
- Limit screen time and choose quality, age-appropriate programs.
- Create an environment where technology, electronics, and digital devices are secondary to the real business of living: spending family time, encouraging social interactions, and physically exploring the world.
- Help your child learn to self-soothe rather than rely on electronics to ease boredom.
Conversation Starters
Plant the seeds of empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy self-expression by talking through your child's angry feelings and frustration. Say: "Hitting hurts. Use your words to tell me why you're mad." —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Young Kids (Ages...
What's Going on in Their World
Many kindergartners love computer games, cartoons -- and your smartphone. They probably know how to navigate to their favorite website, and they're absorbing your messages about technology -- not by what you say, but by what they observe you doing.
It's very unlikely that they would encounter cyberbullying at this age, but the more screen time they get, the more potential there is for exposure to negative comments and misbehavior on social sites.
Where They Are Developmentally
Kids this age are becoming more aware of and sensitive to other people's feelings and have a basic understanding of right and wrong.
Once kids begin to read and write, the entire online experience changes. Because they can communicate with others, kids really have to understand the basics of kind, responsible, and safe online behavior.
Advice and Tips
- Continue to set limits and supervise online activities very closely.
- Cultivate the qualities of kindness and compassion -- you're raising the digital citizens of tomorrow.
- Encourage acceptance of and respect for people who are different by exposing your child to media with people of different backgrounds.
- Choose quality, age-appropriate entertainment -- anything that models negative behavior without consequences or lessons is inappropriate.
Conversation Starters
Making friends is a key developmental stage. Talk to your child about ways to be a good friend and solve conflicts with words. Ask: "How would you feel if your friend didn't share his toys with you?" —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Kids (Ages 7-8)
What's Going on in Their World
Kids this age may be playing in online virtual worlds, chatting through pre-scripted chat, playing handheld gaming devices, and surfing the web. Many kids this age start playing casual games at Miniclip and AllGirlArcade, both of which offer online interaction.
If your 7- and 8-year-olds play on sites where they can interact with others, they may get a taste of online mischief. Kids sometimes make a game of getting around a site's chat filter by typing in words with symbols like "a$$." Sometimes kids misuse the "flag" or "block" function (which is designed to call out misbehavior) by flagging other kids indiscriminately. Nearly all websites have consequences -- including banning the user -- for this kind of behavior.
Where They Are Developmentally
Kids' family is still the most important influence at this age, yet 7- and 8-year-olds also begin to assert individuality and question adult authority. Exposure to violent content in media can encourage and increase violence and aggressive behavior in kids this age.
Kids also begin to strongly identify with their same-sex peer group now -- which can lead to a boys-against-the-girls (or girls-against-the-boys) dynamic that can carry over into virtual worlds.
Advice and Tips
- Make sure your kid has capable real-world social skills before he or she starts interacting online.
- Keep online socializing to a minimum and confined to sites like Webkinz or Club Penguin, where chat is pre-scripted or pre-screened.
- Explain the basics of good cyber behavior. Tell your kids that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace.
- Tell your kids not to share passwords with their friends. A common form of cyberbullying is when kids log in to another child's email or social networking account and send fake messages or post embarrassing comments. Kids can protect themselves from this by learning early on that passwords are private and should only be shared with their parents.
Conversation Starters
Ask kids if they've ever seen others misbehave on the Internet, and discuss the consequences for that behavior. Ask how it makes them feel when they see people trying to skirt the rules or say mean things about someone. Ask about a favorite character and what qualities your kid admires about them. —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Preteens (Ages 9...
What's Going on in Their World
The online world and the "real" world collide in a preteen's life. When kids this age get together, they crowd around a computer watching YouTube, playing games, or looking up search topics (not all of them age appropriate).
When they're not with their friends, they may be meeting them online at a gaming or social site. Many sites targeted to preteens offer interactivity, such as multiplayer games and chatting. Kids this age might be uploading pictures or other creations to fan sites (like iCarly.com and LEGO.com).
Texting and taking photos are popular activities for kids 9-11 who have cell phones. At the older end of this range, kids are taking notice of social networking sites. These activities can broaden the potential for online or mobile abuse and humiliation of others.
Where They Are Developmentally
At this age, kids may not yet understand how their seemingly anonymous behavior can have a real effect on real people. Preteens' increasing digital skills broaden the potential for online or mobile abuse and the humiliation of others.
For a few more years, kids' abilities with technology far outstrip their judgment. Social pressures increase, but preteens know the difference between right and wrong.
Advice and Tips
- Monitor their use. See what they're posting, check their mobile messages, and let them know you're keeping an eye on their activities.
- Tell your kids what to do if they're harassed.
- If your kid is doing the bullying, establish strict consequences and stick to them. That goes for cruel or sexual comments about teachers, friends, and relatives.
- Chat in online games and virtual worlds can get ugly fast. Make sure your kids are respectful, because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.
- Review anti-bullying controls like flagging and blocking.
Conversation Starters
Ask preteens how it makes them feel when they see kids mistreating each other online. How would you feel if you were the target of derogatory comments? Ask whether they would stick up for someone who was being bullied. If your kid has ever been a bully, talk about ways to stop. Explain that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace. —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Teens (Ages 12-1...
What's Going on in Their World
Facebook, cell phones, multiplayer gaming -- they're all part of your 12- to 14-year-old's world. Their online friends are typically their real-world friends, and drama that brews in the school hallways passes seamlessly to social networks.
It's likely that they'll encounter cyberbullying from experiencing it first hand, hearing about it, witnessing it, or possibly even perpetrating it. Sites like Formspring that allow teens to post anonymous comments can become popular among cliques and lead to lots of trash-talking.
When they turn 13, kids are no longer subject to COPPA -- which means they'll be able to go on sites without your knowledge or permission (Facebook is the big one).
Where They Are Developmentally
Appearance, conformity, and acceptance by peers is of utmost importance. As your teen is trying to fit in with peers, he or she may be struggling with how to make good choices and define ethical behavior. Teens may not want to tell you if they encounter cyberbullying.
Advice and Tips
- Explain what is and isn't appropriate to post -- and at this age, make sure you're on their friend list.
- Remind them that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends' walls, private IMs, intimate photos, and little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around.
- It's normal for teens to explore their identity, but keep an eye on the persona they're creating, and make sure they don't use anonymity as an excuse for bullying behavior (or ignoring it when they see it).
- Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else.
Conversation Starters
Discuss how your teen can be a positive force if they encounter cyberbullying. Tell them that you'd rather know about cyberbullying than not know -- but explain that they can always confide in a teacher or another grown-up, too.
Discuss the consequences for social or discriminatory behavior (and enforce them whenever necessary). Ask how they'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot. —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Older Teens (Age...
What's Going on in Their World
Teens can register for sites without your knowledge or permission, and a lot of the sites they go on encourage sharing (of music, photos, videos, etc.), socializing (with people they may not know), and instant messaging (which includes video chatting).
Nearly every teen has a phone and may be texting into the wee hours. With little impulse control (and little sleep), these conversations can take a turn for the worse.
Where They Are Developmentally
Lots of identity exploration goes on at this age, leading to some real insecurity. Friendships can become intense, and first love interests often happen. Teens pull away from their parents and require greater independence.
Teens can be very secretive -- often there's nothing specific that they're hiding, but they have a desire to make mistakes or triumphs on their own, away from parental eyeballs. Teens sometimes act out online in an attempt to prove their popularity.
Advice and Tips
- So you can keep an eye on what's going on in their world, ask your teen to give you access to their social network and blog pages.
- Emphasize the importance of responsible and respectful online and mobile behavior.
- Remind teens to think before they self-reveal: Anything they post online -- from text to photos to videos -- can be used against them by others and tarnish their reputation and inflict emotional injury.
- Remind them they aren't too old to ask for your help. There are things some kids can handle on their own, but sometimes, they just need help. Coming to their parents isn't baby-ish; it's safe.
Conversation Starters
Ethical standards really develop at this age -- both in life and online. Encourage teens to stand up to bullying situations. Talk about how they can use digital media for creative and educational purposes -- not just socializing.
Talk about how things can easily be misunderstood easily -- jokes can be taken the wrong way, and drama can escalate. Discuss ways to nip tension in the bud. —Common Sense Media (Photo: iStock)

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
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