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Phoenix grabbed the mic for his 2010 mockumentary “I’m Still Here,” in which he quit his acting career to pursue a career in hip-hop. If he really wanted to look like a legitimate rapper, he would have worked with someone other than Diddy, who barely escaped this list himself. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Michael Loccisano, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Vinny Guadagnino...Apparently unsatisfied with being known as “that dude from ‘Jersey Shore’” for the rest of his life, Vinny Guadagnino took his fate into his own hands by releasing his debut rap song, "Rack City B****." Unfortunately, he may now go down in history as “that dude from ‘Jersey Shore’ with the awful rap song,” thanks to the inclusion of several controversial lines that seem to glorify rape. The song was met with heavy criticism from the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), and Guadagnino was forced to yank the video from the Internet.—Jeff Royer (Photo: Christopher Polk, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Rich HilThe 21-year-old son of fashion mogul Tommy Hilfiger announced a major deal with Warner Bros. in 2011 and is now threatening to release an EP, called “Support Your Local Drug Dealer.” This is bad news for rap lovers, primarily because he’s terrible, and not just in a “ridiculously rich white kid trying to look like a thug” kind of way. Also in a “ridiculously rich white who won’t shut up about how much weed he smokes” kind of way. —Jeff Royer (Photo: press)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Joaquin PhoenixPhoenix grabbed the mic for his 2010 mockumentary “I’m Still Here,” in which he quit his acting career to pursue a career in hip-hop. If he really wanted to look like a legitimate rapper, he would have worked with someone other than Diddy, who barely escaped this list himself. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Michael Loccisano, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Pablo DylanThe 15-year-old grandson of Bob Dylan has been creating lots of buzz with a new mixtape. Unfortunately, lyrically speaking, this apple seems to have fallen fairly far from the tree. Sample lyrics from Pablo's lead single, "Top of the World": "I'm the grandson of a man / nothing less than legendary / That's a lot of pressure / so I Berry Gordy / I am very Motown, b****." —Jeff Royer (Photo: Press)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Mr. TI pity the fool who had to sit through Mr. T’s 1984 children’s rap EP, “Mr. T’s Commandments,” on which the mohawked motormouth spits rhymes about such topics as saying no to drugs, honoring your parents and doing your homework. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Toby Canham, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Hulk HoganThe former pro wrestler has made several missteps throughout his career, but none so painful as “Hulk Rules,” the album he recorded with his Wrestling Boot Band. Although the track “Beach Patrol” definitely falls into the category of “so bad it’s good again.” Sample lyric: “We are the beach patrol / We want to party, party, party” —Jeff Royer (Photo: Frazer Harrison, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
‘Macho Man’ Rand...Not to be out-terribled by his wrestling nemesis Hulk Hogan, the late, great “Macho Man” released a rap album of his own in 2003 titled “Be a Man.” When not attacking Hogan, Savage spends his time offering plenty of “Oh yeahs!” and extolling his own virtues as a rapper and wrestler. Sample lyric: “The tower of power / Too sweet to be sour / Funky like a monkey / Oh, yeah.” Oh, no. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Frank Micelotta, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Tom FeltonBetter known as Draco Malfoy from the “Harry Potter” series, Felton makes the list based purely on speculation. The 23-year-old Potter rival told The Sun he was “looking to get into the grime rap scene.” And there’s just no way that can be good. "I'm going to change my image - backward caps, the lot," he added. The tabloid claims Felton has already clinched a record deal with an indie label, so brace yourselves. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Rodney Dangerfie...And then he wondered why he didn’t “get no respect.” The bug-eyed comedian channeled his inner rapper for the track “Rappin’ Rodney,” which basically took his most famous jokes, forced them into a rhyme scheme and set them to a beat. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Hulton Archive, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Chet HazeTom Hanks’ rapping son (aka Chester Hanks) is best known for “White and Purple,” his retooling of Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow” as an ode to Northwestern University. In June, the lyrically challenged rapper debuted a second single, and is threatening to release a full EP later this summer. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Facebook)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Chicago BearsLet’s be clear: The Chicago Bears’ 1985 “Super Bowl Shuffle” was and is awesome. But one thing William “The Refrigerator” Perry and crew didn’t have was rap skills. So naturally, they were nominated for a Grammy. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Amy Sancetta, AP Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Insane Clown Pos...ICP have the distinction of being the only professional rappers still working today to make this list. When not reciting third grade-level lyrics about murder and rape, these two goons take their best shot at profundity on tracks like “Miracles.” Sample lyric: “I see miracles all around me / Stop and look around, it's all astounding / Water, fire, air and dirt / ****ing magnets, how do they work? / And I don't wanna talk to a scientist / Y'all mother****ers lying, and getting me pissed” —Jeff Royer (Photo: Carlo Allegri, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Shaquille O’NealShaq Daddy has released four perfectly awful rap albums alongside fellow successful terrible rapper Diddy. One of them even went platinum, leading to guest spots alongside luminaries like Snoop Dogg and Michael Jackson, most likely because everyone was too afraid to tell the seven-foot, 325-pound O’Neal that he was awful. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Kevin Winter, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Marky MarkBefore he became a Serious Actor, Mark Wahlberg spent the early 1990s flexing his pectorals on the pop charts with hits like “Good Vibrations” and “Wildside.” But no amount of funkiness from his Bunch could trick anyone into thinking Marky had actual skills. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Albert Ortega, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
K-FedBritney Spears’ backup dancer-turned-husband Kevin Federline released his first and hopefully last rap album in October 2006, in that one golden month between Britney giving birth to the couple’s second son and Britney filing for divorce. “Go ahead and say whatcha wanna,” Federline rapped on the album’s lead single. “I'm gonna sell about 2 mil, oh, then I'm a goner.” At least he was right about one part; after being destroyed by critics and selling a dismal 6,000 copies of his album in its first week, K-Fed was indeed a goner. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Jeff Gentner, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Dee Dee RamoneAfter quitting as bassist and primary songwriter of punk band The Ramones, Dee Dee Ramone adopted the new pseudonym of Dee Dee King and launched one of the most tragically ill-fated careers in hip-hop history. His lone rap album, “Standing in the Spotlight,” is giddily deemed by All Music as “one of the worst recordings of all time.” —Jeff Royer (Photo: David Klein, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Brian Austin Gre...On “90210,” Green’s character David Silver dabbled in DJing and hip-hop music. In 1996, life unfortunately imitated art when Green discarded the “Austin” from his name and recorded a rap album, “One Stop Carnival.” All Music called the album “pallid, uninspired, and insufferably arrogant, with no acknowledgement that its very existence rests solely on Green's limited success as a secondary actor on a fading prime-time drama.” So mean, but so true. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Andrew H. Walker, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Vanilla IceOh, Vanilla Ice. You were such an obvious choice for this list that I almost didn’t even bother. But then I did, because you are one of the worst rappers in history. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Scott Harrison, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
David FaustinoWho knew that inside the man best known as Bud Bundy was a budding awful rapper just waiting to emerge? And emerge he did in 1992 under the name D’ Lil. His album “Balistyx,” which shares a name with a Los Angeles nightclub owned by Faustino, yielded one terrible single, “I Told Ya.” Sample lyric: “Little D standing tall at five-foot-three / Yeah, but I’m as dope as can be … I got more flavor than the bar candy Kit Kat / and when it comes to Kitty Kats I gotta wear a jimmy hat” —Jeff Royer (Photo: Michael Caulfield, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Ron JeremySomehow, after appearing in some 1,500 porn films, Ron “The Hedgehog” Jeremy still had the energy to record a terrible rap song. “Freak of the Week” actually managed to impact the Billboard hip-hop charts, despite the fact that Jeremy spends the entire song rapping about his lil’ hedgehog. —Jeff Royer (Photo: Michael Caulfield, Getty Images)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
Rick MoranisTheoretically, Moranis shouldn’t be on this list because, unlike everyone else here, his 1989 rap song “Ipanema Rap” is actually supposed to be funny. Tragically, he missed the mark and ended up with a regular, old, terrible song. —Jeff Royer (Photo: I.R.S. / MCA Records)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.
