The Men Of ‘Game Of Thrones:’ Marry, Shag or Kill?

by | April 6, 2014 at 7:26 PM | Game of Thrones, HBO, LGBT

Jack Gleeson as Joffrey (HBO)

Men, women, gay, straight…we all need a good man in our life at one time or another either for a quick dose of entertainment or, if that’s not your thing, something more substantial and long-lasting.

And whether you like your men clean shaven and young or a little more unkempt with shaggy, bearded appearances and often brutal mannerisms ending in death and destruction, there’s no better place to look than HBO’s Game Of Thrones to see what kind of man is right for you.

But just as a certain kind of man is good for a certain kind of need, the uber-popular television adaptation of the George R. R Martin book series is back for season four  and with a plethora of so many different kinds of men, let’s see which of the main characters are best for marrying, shagging or, this being GOT, killing. Let’s check out The Men of Game Of Thrones.

Jon Snow (played by Kit Harington): He’s been making us swoon since the first episode and for good reason. If you’re going to marry anyone noble, loyal and stoic, Jon Snow is the man. He’s already broken that vow of celibacy so dive in and don’t look back. Marry.

Tormund Giantsbane (Kristofer Hivju): Got a ginger fetish? Then look no further than Tormund’s substantial ginger beard and know that you’re in for a hell of a wild(ing) time. Shag

Joffrey Baratheon (Jack Gleeson): Is there really anyone out there who’d truly want to marry or shag the sadistic boy king, Joffrey? Probably not. Kill

Finn Jones as Loras Tyrell (HBO)

Loras Tyrell (Finn Jones): The gay one but not someone to turn your back on since he’s also one of the best fighters in all of Westeros. And the man has not only a great head of hair but a nice amount of coin in his pocket. Marry. Duh.

Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau): On paper he’s a winner: A knight, killer bod, and rich. But he also sleeps with this sister Cersei. A lot. But talk about a good story at the next cocktail party. Shag

Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage): If you like a thinker, quick-witted strategist Tyrion is your man. What he lacks in height he makes up for in not only his intelligence but his dreamy eyes. Marry

Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal): Bisexual and while it’s a bit early to know just how much we can trust the suave prince/fighter, go ahead and take your chances for a good romp but make sure your bestie knows the address…just in case. Shag.

Daario Naharis (Michiel Huisman): He may look different this season (Nashville’s Huisman has taken over the role played last season by Ed Skrein) and while we’re still not sure if he’s trustworthy, that can make for a good time in the sack. Shag

Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau as Jaime Lannister (HBO)

Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen): Could you stay loyal to someone you were desperately in love with even if she didn’t have a clue of your feelings? Ser Mormont loves Dany but since she’s clueless, you can probably steal his loyalties away. Marry

Petyr Baelish – aka “Littlefinger” (Aidan Gillen): You may like to live on the dark side from time to time but, with the manipulative Littlefinger, the answer is always No, No, No. Plus, you never know who he’d let watch. Too many peepholes in his brothel. Kill

Sandor Clegane – aka “The Hound” (Rory McCann): You think you want to say ‘No! Never!’ but, come on, you know you’ve thought about it. Now, he’s not the most attractive, but he’s got that barrel chest and what’s hotter than a guy who’s good with kids? So go ahead and have a good time with The Hound…but keep it to yourself. Nobody will respect you. Shag

Game Of Thrones airs Sundays at 9pm on HBO.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.