Official ‘Survivor: Cagayan’ Pre-Season Rankings

by | February 24, 2014 at 1:23 PM | RealityTV, Survivor, TV News

'Survivor: Cagayan' (CBS)

NOTE: “Survivor: Cagayan” starts this Wednesday at 8 p.m. ET and XFINITY TV is the place to be for all of the back-stabbin’, torch-snuffin’ fun. On Mondays we’ll have Power Rankings with a “Blood vs. Water” competitor, every Wednesday evening we’ll bring you a recap of the most recent episode, and every Thursday you’ll be able to watch the previous night’s episode and read an interview with the eliminated contestant. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for immediate updates.

It seems like only yesterday that “Survivor” fashion plate Tyson Apostol was awarded the game’s biggest prize. But, here we are months later getting ready to rank a new batch of contestants who are hoping to fill the “Blood vs. Water” champion’s cupcake buckled belt.

And I know what you’re thinking, “Gordon, doesn’t the person you pick to win always lose?”

Yes.

“Didn’t Malcolm Freberg ask you not to pick him before ‘Survivor: Caramoan’ because you jinxed him in ‘Survivor: Philippines’?”

He may have said something like that. My memory isn’t so good.

“Didn’t you pick Michelle Chase to win ‘Survivor: Gabon’ and then she was the first person eliminated?”

Yes. Yes I did. Maybe I should do these rankings after the season airs…

Anywho, as always the views expressed by the “Survivor: Cagayan” pre-season rankings do not necessarily reflect those of XFINITY TV. Betting on the “Survivor: Cagayan” pre-season rankings is strictly prohibited. And, please keep your hands, feet, and personal items inside the “Survivor: Cagayan” pre-season rankings at all times.

 1. Latasha - Sophie Clarke, Kim Spradlin, and Denise Stapley have proved that strong, smart women can win “Survivor.” And, Latasha is a strong, smart woman. I also have a hunch that this season’s tribes aren’t going to get along very well. So, people who are able to blend into the background are going to have a real advantage.  2. Trish - I think it’s very possible that the Brawn team could get to the merge without losing a single player. We saw Tandang do it in the Philippines. The problem with that is; every tribe wants to get rid of someone. If they don’t get that opportunity, they can break apart. I have Trish this high in the rankings because I don’t think she’s that person. She’ll get to the merge easily and won’t be viewed as an immunity threat. She’ll have tons of room to maneuver.
 3. LJ - Anyone else getting a “Young Mike Rowe” vibe off of LJ? He seems like a good mix of strong, but not too strong, likable, but with an edge, young enough to hang with the kids, but old enough to relate to the elder tribe members. He’ll go far.
 4. David – David’s got the brains and the physicality to make a serious run at the Sole Survivor title. But, if his day job gets out, he could find himself taking the long, lonely walk from Tribal. First of all, it’s pretty safe to assume that the president of a MLB franchise is rolling in dough. And second, most baseball fans don’t think very highly of the Marlins’ business practices.
 5. Jeremiah – If the tribes embrace the Beauty/Brains/Brawn gimmick, the Beauties could find themselves with a bit of an advantage. After all, people have been voted out for being too strategic or for being too much of an immunity threat, but has anyone been voted out for being too attractive? Jeremiah makes me nervous with his talk of wanting a relationship, but hopefully he’ll forget all of that when everyone hasn’t brushed their teeth for a week.
  6. Sarah - Sarah is as sharp as a tack. She’s already figured out that Tony is a cop, which is bad news if he decides to lie about his job. She’s also very tough and seems to have a level head.
 7. J’Tia - I could truly go either way on J’Tia. She could be the silent assassin of the Brains tribe, or she could drive everyone nuts and be the first person out.
  8. Jefra - I like that Jefra has some outdoor skills and isn’t interested in flirting her way through the game. But, after that she’s a huge question mark. Does she have the stomach to stab people in the back? Can she build a resume of strong moves? How well can she relate to older members of the tribe?

 9. Kassandra – I love that Kassandra intends to downplay her abilities. That’s very valuable in a game with so many alpha personalities. My concern for her is that since she’s on the Brains tribe, people might have a hard time believing her story that she’s an animal handler on the family ranch. She might just want to fess up to having a brainy job. Something like a “Survivor” correspondent. (Ahem.)
  10. Brice - Brice’s time in this game is going to depend greatly on how well the Beauty team does in challenges. If they can hold their own, he could get to the merge and make some serious noise. He’s likable and doesn’t seem threatening. However, if the Beauties get Matsinged, he could be an early boot.

 11. Garrett – Garrett’s a smart, good-looking fellow. But, what if the Brains tribe thinks he’s a spy? They’re probably going to think someone with abs like that isn’t spending a lot of time in the library. (Note: Garrett may very well be doing that, but who’s going to believe him?) Also, Garrett seems a little intense for a slow-moving game like “Survivor.”  12. Alexis – I think it’s really interesting that Alexis wants to start an all-woman alliance. I wonder if she’ll change her tune once she realizes that she’s on a tribe of six. If she’s smart enough to see that that kind of division might not work well in a three-tribe system, she could go far. If she’s someone who can’t adapt, she won’t last long.
 13. Woo - Finally, a guy named after a pro wrestling catchphrase. But seriously, why is someone who’s so athletic, good looking, and seemingly nice so low on this list? Because most people are going to immediately view this kid as a threat. He’s giving off Ozzy vibes left and right.
 14. Cliff – NBA players don’t wear hats or helmets, so it’s much more likely that Cliff is going to get recognized than someone like Jeff Kent. In fact, David has already pegged him as a former NBA star.  Well, he’s a professional athlete, maybe he can go on a challenge streak? Doubtful. “Survivor” always has a balance challenge or a crawl around a low-to-the-ground post challenge. So, if the tribe wants to get rid of him, they’ll have several chances.
 15. Lindsey – Lindsey certainly seems like the odd person out of the jock tribe. She wants to manipulate people, but can you see her partnering with Tony, Cliff, or Sarah? Her best bet is if the Brawnies can make it to the merge without taking a loss.   16. Morgan – Oh, Morgan. The red-blooded American male in me wants you to go the distance. To keep gracing us with your presence on your way to a final-three appearance. But, the “Survivor” historian in me thinks you probably don’t have the life experience to pull this thing off.
 17. Spencer – Boy genius, chess grand champion, “Survivor” mega fan, self-proclaimed “John Cochran who doesn’t suck.” Now, I appreciate that Spencer may have written that comment before everyone saw Cochran win “Survivor: Caramoan,” but Cochran has a vital skill that I’m not sure Spencer has; humility. To sit and talk with Cochran, you wouldn’t know he was a Harvard graduate unless you brought it up. If Spencer is going to do anything in this game, he’s going to have to tone down the super villain vibe.   18. Tony – Holy cow, I didn’t realize the Incredible Hulk was based on a real dude. He is massive. Someone call Vince McMahon. My big concern for Tony is; how is he going to deal with the lack of food? Also, how is he going to deal with it psychologically when he sees his hard-earned muscle mass start to dwindle away? I think the actual act of surviving is going to be toughest on the Jersey cop.

Don’t miss “Survivor: Cagayan” this Wednesday, February 26, 2014 at 8 p.m. ET on CBS.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes