The Blake Shelton era has finally come to an end! The coach and three-time winner will not win for a fourth consecutive season on “The Voice,” now that his one remaining contestant, Cole Vosbury, has been eliminated from competition.
Also eliminated tonight, unsurprisingly, was last week’s Instant Save recipient, James Wolpert. His loss was coach Adam Levine’s first this season, but Adam still has better odds for a win than Christina Aguilera who only has one contestant remaining.
But before eliminations, let’s get down to the business of show—in particular, the million performances we had to get through before getting some results. First: Swon Brothers. Big Swon’s still big, and Little Swon’s tips are still frosted. Their song is called “Later On,” and it sounds like country music, and like any of the songs they sang on the show last season, that is to say, I could not sing one bar back to you if you paid me in a thousand of Big Swon’s little gold earrings.
Instead of a confessional, we got the contestants and coaches trying to sing “12 Days of Christmas,” and everyone absurdly failing and then being swept away by Christina Aguilera doing her thing on the “partridge in a pear tree” line.
After James’ instant elimination, Michelle Chamuel joined us to do some squats and sing something inspirational. Her version of the “Raise Your Born this Firework Like Us” anti-bullying song is called “Go Down Singing.” Afterward, Carson Daly asks her if she’s “still working on it?” Like, immediately after she just performed. “Still doing stuff,” Michelle says, totally out of breath. So did Carson just like space during that inane song, or what? Cause whether he liked it or not, squats did take place. I’d call that “still working on it.”
Now after that interruption, we return to our regularly scheduled country show, featuring two of Blake’s winners, Cassadee Pope and Danielle Bradbery. First Cassadee sings a total country song from her debut album, called “I Wish I Could Break Your Heart.” Carson actually says afterward, “You sound ridiculous.” In all honestly, she wasn’t THAT bad! Carson then gives her a plaque because her first single, “Wasting All These Tears” got half a million downloads, which means it went Gold. I thought there were standards for those plaques? This one has a pic of Cassadee winning “The Voice” lasered onto it.
Danielle then sings a catchy country slow-dance song, “Never Like This,” in her freakishly adult voice. A few minutes later, she sings again from “The Voice” stage, though it appears to be pre-recorded, as it’s interwoven with scenes from the Sochi Olympics yet to come. The whole space-time continuum has been thrown down the tubes. The song is called “My Day,” and it’s one of those few inspirational songs that is not about anti-bullying, but about achieving sports dreams or whatever. And now that it’ll be on the Olympics, Danielle will make a zillion dollars, and get one of those neat plaques, too.
Tessanne Chin was earlier sent to safety, and now Jacquie Lee, too. So all that’s left are Cole Vosbury and Will Champlin. Earlier, Blake tells Adam the only reason his team remained whole so long, was because he let it happen. Looks like Blake gave Adam a little too much leeway, then, because when it came down to it, his guy was sent home, and Adam goes into finals two strong.
So the Final Three competing next week for the win are: Xtina’s Jacquie Lee, and Adam’s Tessanne Chin and Will Champlin. It’s as good a matchup as we could have hoped for. Predictions? I’d like Tessanne to win because I think she’s just the best out of all three, but I think Jacquie has a better shot at the title. Either way, it doesn’t really matter. Whatever place you come in, you can always come back squatting next season.