‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Automobile Edition

by | December 10, 2013 at 11:59 AM | RealityTV, Survivor, TV News

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

Quick Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. And, we’re inducting three members into the “Survivor: Hall of Fame” starting Wednesday, December 11, 2013. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Gervase is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 3 points and Gordon will receive 2 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Malcolm had Katie in spot five. Gordon had her in spot three. So, the current score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 124, Team Real American Heroes 130.

Wager Update: Gordon lost last week’s rankings. So, this week he has to compare the characters to cars.

Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 124

Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW

Team Real American Heroes: 130

Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

 1. Tyson – My emotions were on a rollercoaster ride with him this week. Obviously I love Tyson, but then he goes all weepy Lisa/Dawn on us with overly dramatic background music and I have traumatic flashbacks. Then he redeems himself with a penis joke and I love him again. Then at Tribal… I mean it was a better performance than Monica and Gervase, but still wasn’t brilliant. He managed not to scream and wet himself a la Coconut Bandit #2, but it seemed a touch classless to low-blow Katie on the way out when he only got her booted via luck. Still, he’s playing great – Tyson should be safe with his idol, and if he makes the end I think he wins against anybody.

1. Monica Is a Shopping Cart with a Shaky Wheel– (OK, not technically a car, but it has four wheels, so work with me.) The preview is making it look like Monica is worried about her alliance with Tyson and Gervase. How is that possible when Tyson literally risked picking rocks to save her? Anywho, it’s late in the game and they already have all of their groceries packed up and it’s too late to switch now. 
 2. Monica - Where’d she go? If Monica doesn’t win the challenge each week, we apparently don’t get to see her until Tribal – though once we got there, she revealed math skills that could rival only her husband. Monica probably can’t win this thing and everyone knows it, so both sides are fitting her into their end-game plans.  

2. Gervase Is a ’65 Ford Mustang Convertible with a “Who Farted” Bumper Sticker– It’s super cool, the ladies love it, and it’s a classic. But, there’s one easy-to-fix, yet glaring problem. In Gervase’s case, it’s his mouth. The main reason Ciera flipped last week was because Gervase basically told her she would be the fourth person out.


 3. Gervase – Rollercoaster, again. Shutting down Caleb at RI was perfect, he finally won a challenge, and I can even understand his ice cream choices. I found myself leaning towards Team OG … until Tribal. His poor phrasing was a major part of pushing Ciera away, then the guy got so rattled he nearly pooped himself, which he compensated for by shouting a bunch like an angry child. Watching from home, he came off terribly. All that being said, he does have a winning resume, but he needs both Tyson and Hayden to go home first.
 3. Tyson Is the Batmobile – Actually, this analogy isn’t accurate. Tyson isn’t the Batmobile, this whole season is. Why? Because it’s been an unpredictable, action-packed ride. And who’s behind the wheel? An athletic, smart, super-brave (and that rock picking move was brave) soon-to-be rich guy. Best of all, his utility belt has an immunity idol tucked into it.

 4. Hayden - Mr. Candice is nothing but an ancient memory now — Hayden is officially my new man-crush. Getting loud the first night. Working it pre-challenge. Working it harder and shamelessly post-challenge. Getting pissed off at the prospect of losing. Having the best quote ever: “Who gives a f*$% about 2nd or 3rd?!” EPIC SILHOUETTE SHOT. This is a guy after my own heart — and that’s not even acknowledging the brilliance of that Tribal. Watch out kids: the BB champ wins this against anyone but Tyson at a final tribal. Obviously he’s the primary target of the majority, but I think he survives the next vote thanks to Grandma Morett…  4. Ciera Is a Toyota Prius – Yeah, the move you made last week was expensive, but it could really pay off in the long run. Your move now is to let everyone know how much you respect Tyson’s game. How your mother respects Tyson’s game. How Katie and Tina respect Tyson’s game. Anything to get Gervase and Monica to realize the second-place game they’ve set up.

  5. Ciera – I’ve been shamelessly in her corner for a long time now, but I wanted to kick her in the head for reading that clue out loud, and I think last week officially scratched her chances of winning. I’m obviously a fan of big moves at Tribal, but her jumping ship from the majority at the last minute basically equates to her admitting she screwed up by joining them in the first place. Now, because her mom is basically a destroyer of everyone’s redemption dreams, there’s a very real threat of her getting back in the game. I’m guessing Boss Tyson will see this threat, and won’t let Ciera hang around to potentially form an end-game pair.
 5. Hayden Is K.I.T.T. from “Knight Rider” – It’s good looking, it performs well, and it really shocks people when it finally says something. Hayden killed it last week. His number was up and he picked apart Tyson’s foursome like a champ. It’s going to come down to him and Ciera this week and I think the thing that’s going to send Hayden packing is the fear that he could bust out an immunity streak. You’ve also got to factor in the belief that he might be the only one who can beat Laura at Redemption.
 Redemption Island Picks: Laura and Katie - I’m never not picking Laura again, and Tina looks to be ready to roll over for her unlucky little girl. With a chance to get back in so close, you know Grandma BeastMode is going to kick it into an extra gear on the chance Ciera survives the vote.
 Redemption Island Picks: Laura and Tina - Are we ready to give Laura the “Female Ozzy Lusth” nickname? She certainly seems well on her way to earning it. And on the other side, I’ve bet against Tina and lost twice. Also, Tina’s better and puzzles and bested Katie in their only physical confrontation this season.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Blood vs. Water