‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Keanu Reeves Edition

by | October 22, 2013 at 11:05 AM | General, RealityTV, Survivor, TV News

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water'/'The Matrix' (CBS/AP)

IMPORTANT NOTE: “Survivor” Power Rankings dynamo Malcolm Freberg is going to be appearing on “The Bold and the Beautiful” Thursday, October 24, Friday, October 25, Wednesday, October 30, and Thursday, October 31 at 1:30 p.m. ET on CBS.

Less-Important Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 1 point and Gordon will receive 5 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example; if Monica swaps places with Brad, Brad will take the 8th spot in Malcolm’s rankings and the 6th spot in Gordon’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm had Laura M. in spot seven, I had her in spot eight. We both had the Codys winning at Redemption Island for a single point each. So, the score for this round is Team Malcolm 8, Team Gordon 9. The current total score is Team Malcolm 64, Team Gordon 64.

Wager Update: Since Malcolm lost last week’s competition, he has to compare each ranked competitor to a character from a Keanu Reeves movie. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to rank in rhyme. The winner will get to give official names to both of the teams.

Malcolm’s Current Score: 64

Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW

Gordon’s Current Score: 64

Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

 1. Tyson is Ted from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Two guys, unified in absurdity but somehow heroes at the same time. Tyson was shown to have a voice in the tribal decision, so he looks like the pair’s better half. Now, I saw a CBS ad where they show the tribe swap this week, and that massively favors the tribe with the numbers. It’s no coincidence that a lot of Galang gets a bump up. Remember: Be Excellent To Each Other.
 1. Tina - Seriously, Probst?! You make up all of these bizarre rules for this season that make Power Rankings mega complicated, then you throw in a tribe swap for fun? What’d I ever do to you? (Besides maybe some lighthearted teasing in my recaps.) Ugh…alright. Rule #1 in ranking a tribe swap is dominant males on the tribe that is down in numbers are in trouble. None of those things apply to Tina.
 2. Tina is The Oracle from “The Matrix” – Needed a badass older lady, and there’s a dearth of them in Keanu’s filmography. The Oracle simply sits in a condo chain smoking and spitting truth. Tina just chillaxes and says the right things around camp and isn’t threatening anyone. With daughter dearest in tow, she may have a fresh ally and thus some flexibility if they have to boot someone.  2. Ciera – And another thing, Probst…I thought it’d add to the Power Rankings presentation to have the players’ name match the color of their tribe. Now I’m going to have to redo a bunch of these images. Anywho, Ciera isn’t going anywhere. Nobody’s worried about her.
 3. Gervase is Bill from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Almost the same as Tyson, but someone has to be relegated to the sidekick whose career peaked with this 1989 tent pole, and I’m still wishy-washy with my feelings about Gerv. The preview looked like the duo didn’t get mixed up, so I expect these two clowns to carry on safely to the merge. Party On, Dudes.
 3. Katie - Not to mention the fact that this Wednesday’s episode is going head-to-head with Game 1 of the World Series. Do you think my beloved St. Louis Cardinals get to the World Series every year, Probst?! No. It’s only been four times in the last ten years. Also, Katie’s safe too as long as her gross toes can keep from falling off.

 4. Aras is Bodhi from “Point Break” – Everyone reveres the guy and he’s on top of the world, but you get the feeling that he’s going to crash and burn sooner rather than later. This swap should play in his favor: the chaos surrounding a mix-up makes his perceived loyalty more valuable. Still, he’s on everyone’s radar.
 4. Gervase - Alright, I’ve calmed down. Fortunately for Gervase, he’s calmed down too.  And the person who was so mad about his post-challenge smacktalk has bigger things to worry about on Redemption Island. Add to that the fact that his Coconut Compadre is a much bigger target than he is and Gervase is in good shape.

  5. Katie is one of those half-human/half-demon things from “Constantine” – You remember how they were all half-rotted away? Yup, that’s about all we know of Katie from last week. Her being reunited with Tina after professing her desire to beat mommy should be fun to watch, though I imagine they’ll work together initially. Katie suddenly seems the safest of the original Tadhana.
 5. Tyson – It occurred to me that I don’t remember much about Tyson from Tocantins other than his epic hilariousness. So, I went back and watched some clips and realized that he was a challenge force. I wonder if I’ve forgotten about that because of the “Heroes vs. Villains” debacle. I wonder if everyone out there has forgotten about it too…
 6. Caleb is Johnny Utah from “Point Break” – You weren’t sure if he was going to side with the FBI or the surfers, and you weren’t sure if he was actually ever doing the right things, but you knew you liked Johnny Utah. Same with Caleb – we don’t know who he’s going to side with, or if he’s playing smart at all, but he’d definitely empty an entire handgun clip into the sky. Not having Colton around makes his perceived threat level lower.
 6. Monica - Oh, Monica…you must be a nervous wreck. You were sent home immediately after a tribe swap in your last season. I wouldn’t worry about it too much this time. The odds are good that you’ll end up with people from your Galang alliance.
 7. Kat is Annie from “Speed” – She’s relatively helpful and likeable, but most importantly she’s had her license suspended. And if there’s one member of the cast I don’t really want on the roads, it’s Kat. If she’s pissed at Monica, watch out for Kat, who’s never been in the majority at Galang, to start considering other options.
  7. Caleb - Caleb’s the toughest one to rank this week. Could Monica want revenge for Brad? Can Caleb fade into the background like he did before? Can a fractured former Tadhana stick together? Too many variables!
 8. Monica is Mary Ann (the wife) from “Devil’s Advocate” – Really picked this just because Monica is the Devil’s (Brad’s) Advocate out there; feel free to revel in my cleverness. But she’s just kind of there, and you kind of like her, but she’s also a little annoying at times, and now it looks like Kat’s butting heads with her. I honestly have no clue how safe she is, especially considering hubby being on RI, so this placement is cautious pessimism.
 8. Aras – The Coconut Campadres are on to you, Aras. And frankly, they should be. You’re someone who might benefit from dirtying up your game a bit. Sophie Clarke had a smart strategy where she wanted to have at least one enemy. You could learn from that.
 9. Hayden is Officer Jack Traven from “Speed” – He was a likeable, athletic, daredevil hero who hooked up with Annie. Such is Hayden, who seems to be the popular dude around old Tadhana. Swap may hurt him – went from being in a good spot to losing numbers, plus having a loved one apparently makes you a bigger target this season. Some returnees may use this as an opportunity to eliminate a big threat.
  9. Vytas – Depending on how this swap turns out, Vytas could find himself in on the chopping block. Nobody wants to see the brothers reunite at the merge and this might be the best opportunity to take one of them out.
 10. Vytas is Constantine from “Constantine” – Nobody denies that he’s a no-nonsense bad ass, but he’s not a very smooth character either. Vytas is in good shape around camp and is a rock star in challenges, but every now and then it seems like something comes out of his mouth that probably shouldn’t have. A lot like Hayden, a swap may put him on the bottom and he’s got a target because Aras is still around. Also, somebody let him know Coach already patented meditative posing for the cameras.
  10. Laura B. – Aras thinks you’re an easy vote, but not necessarily a smart vote. That should keep you in the game as long as you’re on Aras’s tribe. You’d better hope you two pick similar buffs.
 11. Ciera is Joan of Ark from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Ms. Of Ark, while a formidable military commander in her time, was kind of worthless in San Dimas in 1989. Ciera’s probably a capable provider at home, but she’s not really doing much on the island. A swap isn’t going to affect how large a liability she is in the challenges, but hooray for my preseason pick not on the bottom of the list anymore! (…barely)   11. Kat - Kat will never be safe as long as she’s looked at as part of a duo. Nobody’s saying it, but everyone must be terrified of Hayden. For this reason Kat is going to have a target on her back as long as he’s still in the game.
 12. Laura B. is that lady who got blown up trying to get off the bus from “Speed” – She was kind of whiny and talked too much and was completely responsible for blowing herself up. I actually think this is my most apt comparison. If no one figures out how to handle or use her, she remains an easy boot.  12. Hayden - Who’s the strongest challenge competitor on the tribe that’s down in numbers? Mr. “Big Brother.” And, this is why I’m not a fan of tribe swaps. Challenge strength is an advantage before the merge and a liability after. A swap takes Hayden’s advantage away prematurely.
 Redemption Island Picks: John and Brad are Neo and Agent Smith from “The Matrix” – Good guy vs. bad guy, simple as that. Laura M can be Trinity, the female collateral damage of their battle, to round out my final metaphor quite nicely. Side note: John is losing my affection fast — why the hell would you give the clue to Monica again when there’s been 0 change to the status quo? What’d you expect to happen?
 Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. and John – Mark my words; Brad Culpepper’s buff is going to be a’blazin’ if there is a puzzle at the end of the next duel. And John, if you get another clue, don’t waste it on Monica. The clue is currency and you’re going to need someone on your side if you get back into the game.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Blood vs. Water