“Life Matters,” the penultimate episode of this sixth season of “True Blood,” was both action-packed and slow as molasses. Everything that seemed like it would happen at Vamp Camp in the finale happens this week. There is also the longest funeral in television history. Terry was a great guy, but his memorial service took up half the episode, which seems excessive.
Sookie Says No to Bill & Yes to Warlow
Bill (Stephen Moyer) travels to fairyland to demand the rest of Warlow’s (Rob Kazinsky) blood. Sookie (Anna Paquin) refuses to let him drain the half-dead half-breed, saying Eric rendered their deal null and void when he drank Warlow’s magic plasma. Instead, she feeds Warlow her blood to save him. Sookie suggests that Bill take Warlow’s blood from Eric, which would certainly be an erotically-charged scenario. Sookie uses her light to blast Bill out of fairyland at Warlow’s suggestion. She assures Warlow that she will keep her promise to be his vampire princess, which is a lot different than saying that she loves him so much that she wants to be his wife.
The Liberation of Vamp Camp
Powered by Warlow’s bood, Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) daywalks to Vamp Camp, slaughters a ton of guards, uses one’s hand to pass through the fingerprint sensitive security system, then heads inside. It’s one of Eric’s finest hours. First, he tears off Vampire Doctor Mengele’s manhood with his bare hands, leaving him bleeding in agony. Then he frees all the male prisoners.
Bill arrives minutes later in hot pursuit of Eric’s blood. The doctor begs Bill to finish him off. After learning that the doctor hurt Jessica, he obliges by kicking his face in. Meanwhile, the newly freed vampires are getting their revenge by inflicting the same tortures on the camp’s humans that they experienced. Eric finds a barely conscious Jason (Ryan Kwanten), who has been nearly drained by Violet. He tells him that everyone was taken to the white room. Eric gives Jason his blood, telling him, “When you dream of me, dream of nice things.” It’s the start of a beautiful friendship, or at least a convenient alliance, as Jason then leads him to the white room, where Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), Tara (Rutina Wesley), Pam (Kristin Bauer) and the rest of the gang are awaiting death by sunlight.
Eric is about to kill the camp’s shrink. The therapist says he will die a happy man because he had sex with Pam. Eric rightly decides that Pam should murder him instead.
Sarah (Anna Camp), who managed to survive by playing dead, quotes the Bible as she turns the wheel that opens up the white room’s roof to expose the sun. But she is too late. Bill has become the literal savior. After realizing that he has consumed enough fairy blood to pass on its daywalking properties to others, he lets all the vampires in the white room feed on him. Jessica refuses to let Steve join the party, despite Bill’s protests. Eric arrives and chokes him, saying, “Every time I’ve lost someone I loved, you’ve been there.” Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) begs for mercy, but Eric pushed him into the sliver of light. Steve looks up, sees Sarah, and yells, “I love you Jason Stackhouse” before he bursts into flames. Best last words ever!
Jason catches Sarah as she attempts to flee. She says killing him will anger God. Jason, whose IQ gain seems permanent, says Jesus is telling him to kill her and that she’s an average lay. He points a gun at her throat, but he can’t bring himself to pull the trigger. He lets her flee in her gas-guzzling SUV.
Bill, passes out from blood loss and has a vision of the three naked Liliths. They tell him his time on Earth is over. He tells them he isn’t going anywhere. Jessica and James, realizing he’s not partying in the sun with the other vampires, find Bill. James realizes that if he drinks their fairy-fortified blood it will revive him. Originally, a shot of Warlow was only supposed to last a little while. Now it’s so strong that it can be swapped back and forth between vampires an infinite number of times. Bill walks into the light like Vampire Jesus. Everyone applauds.
Eric smashes bottles of the tainted Tru Blood, but it is already being shipped around the country. Pam tells him, “Don’t you dare leave me” just before he flies away, presumably to save the rest of vampire-kind.
The Long Goodbye
Everyone in Bon Temps shows up for Terry’s (Todd Lowe) funeral, including Hoyt’s Mom and Alcide (Joe Manganiello), who finally seems like himself again. There are multiple speeches and flashbacks of Terry shortly after he returned from the war. It’s sweet, but we don’t learn anything new about Terry. Highlights include Sookie looking guilty when Sam says that Terry never missed a day at work and one of Terry’s Marine buddies singing a spiritual song that also serves as a soundtrack for the mayhem at Vamp Camp.
“True Blood” airs Sundays at 9/8c on HBO.