Newly Married Jimmy Kimmel Returns with Wedding Jokes: Watch

by | July 30, 2013 at 10:24 AM | Jimmy Kimmel Live!, TV News

Jimmy Kimmel came back from his two-week honeymoon sporting a partially grown beard (Photo: ABC)

Newly minted husband Jimmy Kimmel joked about his wedding when he returned to “Jimmy Kimmel Live” Monday night after taking two weeks off with his new bride.

“The reason I got married is a very good reason,” Kimmel said in his monologue, which was heavy with wedding jokes. “I needed a panini maker [and] it seemed like the cheapest way to get one!”

Kimmel, 45, married his long-time girlfriend, Molly McNearney, 35, July 13 in Ojai, Calif. McNearney is co-head writer on Kimmel’s ABC late-night show. “Weddings are very expensive,” Kimmel continued. “You know, first you have to ship the bride in from Russia!”

“Then there’s the reception,” he said, “300 Lean Cuisine dinners — that’s a lot of money!”

“Our guests seemed to have a good time, though,” he reported. “A lot of them had never been to a go-kart track before!”

“Here’s something I wasn’t aware of until my wedding day,” he said. “Did you know the wedding cake is for everyone to share? I thought it was just us!

Watch Jimmy’s monologue at the beginning of Monday’s show:

“But overall it was a great time,” Kimmel continued. “I’d like to give a special thanks to everyone at the Extended Stay America in Pomona who made us feel so welcome! Thank you for the late checkout!”

Earlier this month: Star-Studded Wedding for Kimmel As He Marries Long-Time Girlfriend

“I was adding it up today,” he said, delivering his final wedding joke. “I now have the same number of marriages under my belt as all the seasons of ‘The Bachelor’ and ‘The Bachelorette’ combined — two!”

He then moved on to other subjects, including the episode of “The Bachelorette” that aired earlier in the evening on ABC.