Who did you think would turn out to be the hacker the Falcon on “Revenge“? Aiden? Victoria’s lost lost child? Ashley, just so her character would have some purpose? Surely, after weeks of build up — months if you count the show’s three-week hiatus — the revelation would be a shocking game-changer. Wrong. Not only was the Falcon’s identity anti-climactic, it was reminiscent of a 1980s teen movie. On the other hand, this week’s episode, “Identity,” featured the greatest “Nightline” interview of all time.
The Falcon Is Actually a Humming Bird
Poor Nolan (Gabriel Mann) has been questioned by the cops all night about Padma’s murder. He is still a wreck over the death of his girlfriend. He keeps IM-ing her, then remembering she is gone. That’s sad, but can’t he tell she’s offline before he presses send? Whoever wrote this episode did so with Mason Treadwell’s typewriter, because the tech knowledge is non-existent. Fortunately, the cops don’t have cause to arrest him. Emanda (Emily Van Camp), who finally realizes that Nolan is the best friend ever, wants to help him by taking out Falcon. She thinks that Victoria knows where he is, because someone faked her medical records to make it appear that she had an abortion. Couldn’t she have paid off a hospital employee more easily than hiring the world’s most notorious hacker? Nolan has an inferiority complex, believing that, even though he is a hilarious billionaire with great fashion sense, he is no match for the Falcon. But after a quick pep-talk, Nolan is ready to take the bastard down.
Emanda and Nolan send Victoria (Madeline Stowe) an email with the words “Sloppy! Sloppy!” written over a picture of the forged medical files. Victoria calls the Falcon on the phone, asking him to seal the leak permanently. Nolan somehow sends the Falcon, whom he supposedly can not locate, a cheesy animated gif of him killing a Falcon. This is not exactly Anonymous-level hacking. An upset Falcon IMs Nolan asking him to defend his Streetfighter title, something he last did as a teen in Brooklyn. Wait, what? The world’s scariest hacker wants to settle a high-stake feud that has cost several people their lives by playing a 1990s video game? That makes no sense whatsoever. Nolan and Emanda go to an arcade where they come face-to-face with the Falcon, a pretty Asian woman. That’s the twist? A complete stranger is a woman instead of a man? Unless she is Takeda’s daughter, who cares? He asks her to scrub everything on his flash drive, which contains information about Victoria’s baby, from the Web. She refuses to help. He offers a deal. If he can beat her at Streetfighter, she has to do it. For some reason, she agrees to this challenge and Nolan wins, while Emanda snaps a photo of her. The only redemptive element of this lame resolution was Nolan referring to her as a “shim.”
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After Victoria’s secret is exposed (see below), the Falcon phones Nolan to ask how he did it. He tells her that the drive he gave her allowed him access to her computer. How would she not have suspected that could be a possibility? Then the FBI shows up to arrest her. Her real name is Edith. No wonder she adopted a pseudonym. Nolan tells Emanda that Edith was originally hired to work for Grayson. After her involvement in framing David, she then erased her identity and became the Falcon. Emanda lets Nolan cross out her face with an electronic red sharpie. Awwww…
Conrad Learns Why No Politician Should Ever Agree to a Live TV Interview
Both “Revenge” and time-slot competitor “The Good Wife” feature characters who are running for governor. It would be epic if Conrad (Henry Czerny) and Peter Florrick were somehow running against each other. It would also be no contest because Conrad knows nothing about campaigning. Instead of hiring an experienced team of political advisers like every other millionaire who enters politics, he just had Ashley, who he fired.
So he sets up a live interview with “Nightline,” believing that if Victoria discusses the abortion she allegedly had as a teenager, it will be a positive for the campaign. Conrad is apparently unaware that abortion is a controversial issue. Victoria has enough common sense to realize that this is a terrible idea.
Victoria flashes back to being a teen mom. Her son’s name is Patrick. She lies to an art school dean that she is an au pair rather than a teen mom. He offers her a scholarship to study in Europe.
Jack (Nick Wechsler) takes photos of Conrad meeting the current governor’s wife in a parking garage. Ashley (Ashley Madekwe) tells him that if she had five minutes alone with Conrad, she could figure out their connection.
Conrad switches the location of the interview to his house so he can force Victoria to participate. The reporter asks about her pregnancy. Conrad says Victoria faced a tragic choice and if she had to do it over again she would have chosen life. So his angle is that Victoria had an abortion, but it was a mistake. That should alienate almost everyone. The reporter, having learned the truth thanks to Nolan’s hacking, asks if she is denying abandoning a six-month-old baby named Patrick to enroll in a European art school. Victoria admits that’s what happened and literally drops the mic. Awesome. “Nightline” would win the late-night wars if it were actually this juicy. Nolan, who has tuned-in, astutely comments, “Maybe I should watch more television.”
Ashley manages to persuade Conrad to hire her back. Ashley? Really? Karl Rove and David Axelrod working together couldn’t salvage this campaign.
Victoria offers Nolan a deal. If he finds her son, she’ll give him back NolCorp. I’m calling it: Nolan is Victoria’s long lost child.
Daniel and Emanda Go Very Public With Their Relationship
Daniel (Josh Bowman) tells Takeda that Aiden (Barry Sloane) has made trades that his clients don’t like. Takeda warns Aiden that Daniel is suspicious. Aiden is now Mr. Anti-Revenge. He reveals killing Trask gave him no peace. He looks forward to Emanda concluding her mission and realizing the same thing so they can go sing kumbaya in the middle of a field.
Emanda agrees to participate in the “Nightline” interview with Daniel. The reporter, with Daniel’s prompting, asks her if they are engaged again. On the spot, she says she can’t imagine an honor greater than joining the Grayson family.
Afterward, Emanda calls Jack to explain that, “It isn’t what he thinks.” But instead of just telling him what she is planning, they go back and forth until he says he doesn’t want her to be Carl’s godmother anymore.
Daniel gives Emanda her engagement ring and tells her to put it back on her finger if she wants to marry him. Emanda tells Aiden that Daniel is pushing her to Define The Relationship. Does she watch “Awkward“? He asks what she will do after she has crossed out every Grayson’s face with a red Sharpie. She says that then she can be with him. He puts the ring on her finger, saying, “Then marry the son of a bitch.” I’ve never liked him more.
Watch Below and See If You Agree:
Declan Tries to Apply to Harvard
Charlotte (Christa B. Allen) thinks Declan (Connor Paolo) can join her at Harvard if he does well on the SATs and his essay. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha!!! Even if he had Grayson money, the moron wouldn’t stand a chance. However, not very many teens can write an essay about their stripper sister-in-law getting murdered. So I guess he has that in his favor.
Regina, the girl that Charlotte slapped at the masquerade, persuades her to skip her planned essay writing session with Declan to go clubbing in Manhattan. She drops the Grayson name at the door and gets photographed by the paparazzi making out with Regina. Girl, give it up. You are no Serena Van Der Woodsen (“Gossip Girl”).
“Revenge” airs Sundays at 9/8c on ABC.