It was seriously one of the happiest endings in “Bachelor” HIStory! With his chesticles about to burst from an uncontrollable love, Sean Lowe announced his decision to the world: “I knew there was a woman who I couldn’t stand to live without,” he said. And that woman was Catherine Giudici!
Like an ancient fairy tale romance, Sean got on one knee and proposed to a hyperventilating, nostril-flaring Catherine, and after she accepted his hand in marriage, the two rode off into the sunset on an ear-flapping elephant! Oh, Thailand—you’re so Thai!
As for that nerve-wracking “mystery letter” Sean was given, it was yet another ridiculous editing ploy by ABC. Essentially, it was just a love letter from Catherine to her beloved teary-eyed Towhead. Womp womp.
But wait—there’s more! The live finale was exploding with surprises! At the beginning of the show, Chris Harrison gave us a heads up on some late breaking news on Sean and Catherine. Although we anticipated they’d be announcing they were preggars and that Sean would be breastfeeding their children—alas, we were incorrect! But that’s okay because the real news was just as full-chested! Drum roll…No date is set yet, but the excited lovebirds say they will be getting married this summer on TV, and ABC will foot the bill! Whoo doggie! Milk ‘em, guys!
But the night ended with an equally exciting (but predictable) announcement: The new “Bachelorette” is set to be smiley Desiree Hartsock, who better put a sock in her brother’s mouth now that 25 men will have a major case of crazy pants for her this summer!
But with all of this immense joy, let us not forget that there was a reject in the mix. Poor Lindsay Yenter-Cakes got her heart broken big time. Almost nearing an ugly cry, Sean couldn’t give her an answer why he was saying buh-bye—only that he knew that Catherine was The One. Although Lindsay was in utter shock standing ringless at the “Bachelor” altar, she kept it real once she knew she had to take the walk of shame back to the car. She exited the way every rejected woman should: She took off her dang heels first! You go, little girl!
All in all, we must admit that Sean gave us arguably the best testosterony season of the “Bachelor” ever and proved to be endearing and fairly interesting to watch. And as much as we aren’t looking forward to seeing “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” rejects at Sean and Cathy Cat’s TV wedding, we wish them the best and hope that the wedding is indoors—away from the sun—for Sean’s sake!
Watch “The Bachelor: After the Final Rose” on XFINITYTV: