We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole afternoon in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But, we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what we found out is that each one of us is: a vampire. And a hybrid . . . And a witch . . . An original. . . And a human. Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, The [Blood for] Breakfast Club.
Yes, after an excruciatingly long hiatus, “The Vampire Diaries” returned with “After School Special,” an episode which reminded me of the classic film, “The Breakfast Club,” with half the cast trapped in the high school library talking about their angsty relationship issues. Fortunately, the plot does advance with the forging of two unlikely partnerships. It seems like the second half of the season is going to involve an Amazing Race for the vampirism cure. Here are the highlights.
Elena is Compelled to Break Stefan’s Heart Like He’s the Ralph Wiggums to Her Lisa Simpson: We open at the memorial service for Mayor Lockwood at the high school. Her death is described as accidental. Tyler (Michael Trevino) can’t take any more and walks out. Elena (Nina Dobrev) searches for him, only to find herself knocked out by a freshly awakened Rebekah (Claire Holt), who is working with her BFF April. Elena wakes up in the library. Since Rebekah knows that Elena is the center of the universe, and she is soon able to lure Stefan (Paul Wesley), Caroline (Candice Accola) and Tyler to the library to save her. That’s when the fun starts.
Catch Up on a Recent Episode of “The Vampire Diaries”:
Rebekah quizzes everyone about what happened in past episodes, as she does not know that the Internet is full of recaps. Rebekah is delighted to learn about the Stelena break up. Stefan claims that it happened because she had sex with Damon (Ian Smonerhalder), conveniently ignoring that happened after Elena broke up with him. Stefan is a sore loser throughout this episode. Stefan explains the sire bond, implying that it’s the only reason that Elena is into Damon. So Rebekah compels Elena to bare her soul. Elena tells Stefan she slept with Damon because she loved him not because of the sire bond. On one hand, hooray for discounting the bond. On the other, since Damon didn’t properly un-sire her, her perception of her emotions may not be accurate. That’s the problem with the sire bond concept. Elena articulates what we have witnessed all season: Damon is exciting, but Stefan sees her as a project that needs to be fixed. She still loves Stefan but is no longer in love with him. Stefan’s heart is smashed into a million pieces. Metaphorically, since that could actually happen on this show. When Stefan admits that it hurt to hear, Rebekah says, “Welcome to the last 900 years of my life.” Ha!
Rebekah later offers to erasse all of Stefan’s memories of Elena. He tells her to go ahead and pull an “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” She laughs and refuses to make him forget her the way Klaus made Stefan forget Rebekah. His pain is Rebekah’s revenge. This is every scorned woman’s fantasy.
Jeremy’s Vampire Slayer Training Takes a Dark Turn: Damon is distracting himself from missing Elena by training Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen) to be a slayer at the Gilbert cabin. He compels a pretty pizza delivery lady not to accept any more pizza orders from Matt (Zach Roerig) and Jeremy. Klaus is disappointed that Jeremy has not killed any more vampires, because he is impatiently waiting for the map to appear on Jeremy’s arm so they can locate the cure and he can use Elena’s blood to replenish his hybrid army. That’s one convoluted plan. So Klaus jumpstarts things by turning the pizza girl. Jeremy innocently invites her inside, then has to stake her when she attacks Matt. Then Klaus, with Damon’s approval, turns a bar full of people, and leaves Jeremy to kill them. The ethical issues here are staggering, since Jeremy is killing a bunch of vampires who have not harmed anyody yet. Just remember, it’s all about Elena.
Bonnie’s Dad is the New Mayor: Bonnie’s Dad , Rudy (Rick Worthy), is appointed mayor. Given how poorly parents fare on this show, start the death pool now. Five other people turned the job down. Ha! Bonnie has a legitimate beef in that he was content to spend his life on the road as a pharmaceutical sales rep, which seems like a great job for a witch in that it would give you access to all sort of medicines that could be used to make potions, until now. Political power seems more important to him than his child.
Bonnie Accidentally Nearly Kills April With Unexpected Consequences: Professor Shane (David Alpoy) tells Bonnie she no longer needs his help. He gives her a necklace with a human bone pendant that was worn by a 2000 year old witch. What is it with this show and necklaces? As she leaves, she sees Kol(!) (Nathaniel Buzolic) in the hallway. She rushes back to Shane’s office, but he is gone. That’s because he has dragged Shane to the school library so Rebekah can get him to spill his guts about the cure. Bonnie chases after them, ending up at the school where April fills her in on everything that has happened. So Bonnie uses chem lab supplies to do a protection spell for Shane, who is being waterboarded by Kol. It goes wrong and April ends up experiencing all of Shane’s pain. Shane reveals that Silas the witch exists and that he knows where he is buried and confesses to having the Council killed to raise Silas who will raise all of the dead. Kol impales him with a metal rod, which makes April bleed.
Bonnie confronts Shane about not warning her of the consequences of using Expression. He tells he rshe isn’t doing Black Magic but magic with no limits. It’s up to her to use it as she sees fit. She is the key to everything and he won’t let anything bad happen to her. Across town, April tells the Sheriff and Rudy that Shane brainwashed her dad into comitting murder. She wants the town to stop covering everything up.
Delena Forever: Elena phones Damon to let her know that Stefan knows about them. She tells him she loves him even if it is the sire bond. Delena fans across the nation go crazy. He vows he will get the cure even if he will have to do thing she won’t like. He tells her to get in her car and come to him. Which could be the sirebond or not.