Charlie Sheen said he’d love to appear one last time on “Two and a Half Men,” but then he bad-mouthed the show about two seconds later.
But hey, that’s Charlie Sheen for you. The man is a walking, talking bundle of contradictions. And on Monday night’s “Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS, Sheen was everything you’d expect him to be — outspoken, wired (for reasons unknown), self-effacing and immodest.
Sheen’s appearance on “Letterman” was his first time on the show since 2005, and his first appearance on CBS since his famous 2011 “meltdown” following his firing from “Two and a Half Men.” In the weeks after he was thrown off the show, he publicly lambasted CBS, Warner Bros. (where the show is produced) and producer Chuck Lorre, who he threatened with bodily harm (and also sued). In addition, Sheen invented a handful of catchphrases that became national crazes — “adonis DNA,” “tiger blood” and “winning!”
Dave brought all that up when he came face to face with Sheen on “Late Show.”
“Will you ever be back on ‘Two and a Half Men’?” Dave asked him.
“I would like to go back,” Sheen answered. “I would like to appear in their final episode.”
Then Dave pointed out one reason — of several — why that’s highly unlikely to ever happen: Sheen’s character of Charlie Harper was killed off — struck fatally by a subway train — in the very first episode of the following season, and the first one with Sheen’s replacement, Ashton Kutcher.
“You know, I think they killed you off,” Dave said.
And then Sheen denigrated the show: “I am dead, but so’s the show!”
Of course, that’s another reason why he’ll never be back on the show: He insults it every chance he gets. Plus, he’s been so outspoken in his dislike (to say the least) of Chuck Lorre that we see no way that Sheen can even be allowed back on the Warner Bros. lot without a security detail close by.
Dave also asked Charlie about his cocaine use — and how that led to Sheen’s meltdown two years ago.
Sheen came on the “Letterman” show to promote this week’s season premiere of his current comedy series, “Anger Management,” which returns to FX Thursday (Jan. 17) with two back-to-back episodes starting at 9/8c.