The ongoing schizophrenic frenemyship among the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” sure makes you wonder if what we’re watching is “reality lite” or “reality nuttin.” One minute the girls are dropping F-bombs and about to bash each other’s wax-figured faces out, the next minute they’re smelling each other’s panties and smacking each other’s emaciated bums with sisterly delight.
Such was the case on Monday night’s episode where the ladies were continuing their weekend getaway in Ojai, California. Long story short, there was screaming (both the angry and the joyous kind), crying, laughing, slurring (and this time, not from Kimbo), and middle-aged, skinny-on-skinny wrestling.
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The eppy left off with Brandi telling Adrienne to “shut the f-ck up!” in defense of Kim’s crying. Because we’re usually unable to decipher the words that spill out of Kim’s mouth, we’re not sure why she’s crying, but regardless, it seems that she and Brandi are having a sweet moment…awww.
Thus, Brandi gets ticked when Adrienne seems to break their special time together by loudly pointing out Kim’s tears.
“We’re just having a personal conversation,” Brandi says to Adrienne. “You wanna yell about it?”
Kim runs off to the bathroom, and Brandi follows her in support. The rest of the ladies gasp in hypocrisy and start badmouthing Brandi’s bad mouth, but Lisa tries to come to her new BFF’s defense.
At Lisa’s urging, Brandi begrudgingly apologizes when she gets back to the table, while simultaneously downing her wine. Adrienne accepts her apology…but stores her anger inside her blue mole located on the side of her face. (Btw, why is it blue, people?)
Because the table is uncomfortably quiet, Brandi mentions she just snagged a book deal, which makes Taylor seethe with anger since B attacked her at last year’s reunion for coming out with her own book right after Russell’s suicide.
As Taylor makes it obvious she’s doing the lotus pose to communicate that she thinks Brandi is hypocritical, the latter casually remarks that women just can’t be happy for other women’s success. As the two begin tearing into each other, Yolanda interjects by chastising the women and telling them to take a chill pill. The gals decide they kinda hate the Dutch woman and want to give her a Dutch Oven.
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The next morning Lisa tries to tell Brandi where she done gone wrong, but Brandi tells Lisa she’s not into conniving, underhanded Adrienne and adds that she and hubby Paul had tried to get her to tweet against Lisa when the two were at odds with each other.
After a day full of: ridiculously bad badminton, making fun of Lisa’s 1970s beekeeper outfit and hideous tennis shoes, and girl-on-girl clay rub downs at the spa, the Housewives suddenly forget their grievances and enjoy an exquisite giggle-filled dinner together. Once the bubbly kicks in, recovering Kim calls it a night, as does straight-laced, holistic Yolanda, who goes back to her room to inject baby lamb stem cells in her body…(don’t bother to ask).
The rest of the ladies decide to get sloshed and the following ensues: Brandi and Taylor arm wrestle. Taylor kisses Brandi. Taylor wins the match. Brandi playfully attacks Blubber Lips and wrestles her to the ground as the other ladies cackle til they choke on hairballs. Lisa, Kyle, and Camille do flips, cartwheels, and handstands. Taylor does the same and shows her crack of dawn. Adrienne pulls off her panties, does a handstand (her weave stays on), smells her panties (she almost faints), and then slips them back on.
The next morning, the ladies leave Ojai in a limo, and they begin to despise each other all over again since they forgot to take their medications. Kyle brings up Brandi’s F-bomb, which makes Adrienne defensively claim she had good intentions towards Kim. Brandi brushes her off, and we realize the two have some deeper-rooted issues (a.k.a. Twitter-gate peer pressure) that even a hot night of Patron and panty flying can’t resolve.