Monday night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” ran on the theme of forgiveness and moving forward. First up: bulldogs Adrienne and Lisa. On the outside, the let’s-forgive-each-other-over-drinks meeting between the two seemed to not be as devastating a skirmish as we had hoped feared. Although the two femme fatales could’ve brought intimidating reinforcements (a.k.a. Sir Jiggy and Prince Jackpot), they apparently thought their issues would be best settled—frozen face to frozen face.
As for Kim and Brandi, the breakthrough in their hatership was so ridonculously unbelievable, I almost chugged a bottle of tequila and stole Brandi’s bottle of Lexapro…
But before you think this eppy turned out to be all saintly giggles and discounted Botox, Brandi pops off an F-bomb to Adrienne over dinner during the ladies’ mini getaway in breathtaking Ojai, California.
Wanna know why? Check out the deets here:
When Lisa meets up with Adrienne for drinks, the latter does the smart thing by complimenting Lisa profusely, while the latter simply squints at her frenemy with suspicion. Once Adrienne apologizes for her attacks at last season’s reunion, Lisa accepts her mea culpa—but not before letting her know she was “devastated” at Adrienne’s character assassination of her. Although Adrienne seems to think things will return to normal, the Brit tells the cameras she and the Maloof Hoof will never be the same!
As part of her recovery process, Kim invites the gals (including Camille) to a retreat in Ojai to show them that indeed she is healing, albeit still slurring…
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While they all settle in and Camille delightfully bashes ex hubby Kelsey Grammer’s alleged miniscule endowments as per usual, Lisa and Brandi are the last to arrive. As cheek-to-cheek kisses are in full order, Brandi and Kim stare at each other like deer in headlights when it’s their turn to greet.
Stiff as can be, the two manage a semblance of an air kiss…Kim tries not to run to the bottle.
At dinner Brandi and Kim accidentally end up sitting across from each other. Kim tries to be at peace with this horrific development, while the rest of the ladies’ push their eyeballs back into their sockets.
As the host, the recovering addict makes a toast to start out their night. Looking at Brandi, Kim humbly declares she’s in a good place and wants to forgive and heal relationships. Brandi giggles nervously, and the two end up empathizing with each other. Say whaaaat?! Brandi tells Kim that her daughters are amazing, and the once-vicious frenemies begin sharing their feelings on what it’s like being lonely divorcees with children. If things couldn’t get any better, Kim solidifies their healing with a mushy-faced ugly cry…but across the way, an infiltrator is watching…
“Someone’s crying!” screams Adrienne, making the whole table look over at Kim.
Enraged that their private Oprah session is being hijacked by the Maloof Hoof’s unnecessary brain fart, Brandi resorts to her favorite word.
“Shut the f*ck up!” the tall beanpole blurts out.
Everyone gasps and blinks dumbly. There Brandi goes again…