Some lowly producer working out of the basement at “The X Factor” must have looked at his calendar the other day and realized that by adding Diamond White back into the game, 13 weekly eliminations were going to bring us far beyond the premiere date of “American Idol” next year. And because one music competition devoted to Coke and one devoted to Pepsi can’t be on the same network at the exact same time with causing the apocalypse, this was a problem.
So on Thursday night, we lost two acts instead of one. The first was kicked off right off the bat—there was no sing-off and no deadlock for hip-hop group Lyric145. Their coach, Simon Cowell, didn’t appear to be terribly surprised.
Then Taylor Swift showed up, offering her new single “State of Grace” and the sage advice to the contestants to “be nice.” Cause that’s what Taylor Swift does, if you think about it, is be nice, and not, like, constantly write mean songs about people she used to like and then make squinty mean faces when she sings those songs to the greater public.
That was actually all the filler for the night, and the hosts went right back to eliminations—well, as soon as Khloe Kardashian was finished flubbing her lines, again. At one point, Mario Lopez just looked at her as he waited patiently for her to finish saying something like, “yes, ok.” His cold, dead host eyes don’t give him away, but you could tell he was thinking, “I’m a professional, dammit.”
In no particular order, everyone but Demi Lovato’s Paige Thomas and Jennel Garcia made it to safety. Immediately, Jennel came out to sing “The Reason is You,” and tried to do some fakey emotional stuff, and she even left her hair curly like Simon said, but it just didn’t match up to her first auditions.
Then Paige Thomas performed Coldplay’s “Paradise.” Just her voice, with no backup singers drowning her out, and no stupid dance crews, was actually pretty great. Her outfit, on the other hand, so stupid. She dressed like a silver serving fork.
The judges then picked who to send home. LA Reid chose Jennel. Britney Spears, in zombie eye makeup, chose Jennel. Then Mario asked Simon to choose, but he wanted to hear first from Demi. Mario insisted, but Simon asked why Demi couldn’t go first. Mario couldn’t really answer that question, since who makes up these rules anyway? “You’re the boss, we’ll go to Demi,” he finally relented.
Simon looked very smug as Demi deliberated from underneath her giant eyebrows and finally chose Paige to go home, presumably so that she wouldn’t put the final nail in Jennel’s coffin. So, Simon did instead, and we said goodbye to Demi’s little clone, Jennel, who never once lived up to the potential of her first audition.
Jennel cried hard onto Demi’s shoulder for a bit, and then it was on to other business. The ranking of the remaining 10.
Last week, I thought the ranking was cool. Now I see it as a problem. Arin Ray is still second to last and Beatrice Miller is still third to last. Tate Stevens came in first again, Carly Rose Sonenclar second, and Vino Alan third.
So basically, not a whole lot changed. Which means, we pretty much know who will win this show now.
One gripe: When counting down, and announcing Arin Ray as ninth place, Khloe told him he moved up two points from last week. Ok, technically yes, he went from 11th place to 9th place. But in reality, he’s in the same place as last week—there are just two fewer contestants. Same with Beatrice Miller. Math, people, basic math.