The good news about Sunday’s episode of “True Blood” (“Everybody Wants to Rule The World”): the disparate plots of the season finally started to converge, and the most disappointing one ended. The bad news: a good portion of the episode was devoted to the possibility that Sookie might be eaten alive by pigs and, after years of build-up, the Authority continued to underwhelm.
Bill Has Bloodlust
The episode started off with a literal bang as we see the news report of a fire at a Tru Blood factory, as the Authority implemented Bill’s (Stephen Moyer) plan of destroying the supply of Tru Blood to force vampires to drink the real deal. Everyone at headquarters celebrated by feeding on a naked man who was strapped down to a table. Yummy! Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) hatched a plan with Molly (Tina Majorino) to escape from the Authority compound. He needed Bill to get Salome’s (Valentina Cervi) blood, but Bill made it clear that he was a Lilith believer until Eric asked him if he wanted to snack on Sookie. Bill had sex with Salome and had a vision of Sookie (Anna Paqun). He bit her neck, then realized he bit Salome, getting the blood they need to escape. Salome momentarily morphed into Lilith again, which could be a side effect of ingesting her blood. Bill persuaded Nora (Lucy Griffiths) he was on her side by having sex with her, as siblings do. He and Molly inject her with a knock out drug so they can use her for the retina scan that will allow them to escape. Instead, traitor Bill alerts the guards and stops them from fleeing. This is probably the most interesting Bill has ever been, but he’s obviously being duped, which just makes him look even lamer compared to Eric.
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The Obamas Try to Feed Sookie and Hoyt to Pigs. No, Really.
An episode that seemed like it should have been devoted to exploring the impact of the Tru Blood shortage, focused on the hate group, which even the characters are not referring to as the Obamas. How long before someone asks the real president his opinion of this storyline? In a nutshell, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) found their website which featured videos of them dragging vampires into the sun to kill them. If it were any other sheriff’s department, it would seem ridiculous that nobody thought to google before now. Jason recognizes Sheriff Bud Dearborn’s boots and concludes that he is the Dragon of the Obamas, recognizing that the group is inspired by the KKK. Thanks for spelling it out for the viewers who found this storyline to subtle. Sookie , after a ghostly visit from Gran via Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis), realized that Bud was at the crime scene when her parents died and paid him a visit. Concerned that she had figured out he was an Obama, he, and his mistress Sweetie who was the actual dragon, took her to a pig barn where they were holding Hoy (Jim Parrack). They were saved from being eaten by Sam, who shapeshifted into a pig to go undercover. Andy killied Bud, while Sweetie was arrested. Hoyt, though injured, will be fine because no series regular on this show will ever die.
Russell Has A New Boo — And a New Pet
Russell (Denis O’Hare) has found a replacement for Talbot in a Jar — Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian)! This is potentially one of the greatest relationships in “True Blood” history. Their kiss is almost sweet, considering that one is the world’s most evil vampire and the other is a hypocritical, evangelical closet case with a Jason Stackhouse obsession. Less warm and fuzzy was the price that Russell exacted from the wolf pack when Martha refused to drink Russell’s blood. He gave wolf cub Ema to Steve so that he could have a pet. Holy storylines coming together, batman. This should lead to Sam, Luna and Alcide teaming up to save her and fight Russell.
Alcide is a Lone Wolf
Speaking of the giant sexy werewolf, Alcide (Joe Manganiello) flashes back to being a teenager, when he apparently looked like a cross between young Taylor Lautner and the half Native American kid on “King of the Hill” and had to choose between being part of the pack, or going it alone, the way humans do. He visits his father, an unemployed gambler, to tell him that he lost the challenge for pack master. Dad-cide proclaims they are now just alike, two lone wolves. That ought to send him back to Bon Temps in a hurry, but, really, did the show need to introduce yet another character?
Farewell to the Smoke Monster
Patrick pulls a gun on Arlene (Carrie Preston) at Merlotte’s, then gives Terry the choice of allowing Patrick to kill him to appease Ifrit, or watching his wife die. Terry gets on his knees, but Arlene changes the game by stabbing him with a pencil. After Terry has a vision of the woman he killed telling him to do what’s right, he kills Patrick. Then the smoke monster shoots out of her mouth. Instead of burning the diner to the ground, it seems happy. Goodbye Patrick. You were a waste of Scott Foley’s considerable charms.