‘Desperate Housewives’ Finale: Say Goodbye to Wisteria Lane

by | May 14, 2012 at 9:33 AM | Desperate Housewives, Recap

Desperate Housewives (ABC)

Desperate Housewives” signed off, after eight years, with a low key finale that gave each of the wives a happy ending.

The first hour wrapped up the Alejandro death/shallow grave plotline. Bree’s (Marcia Cross) trial is attracting a ton of media attention, though Bree seems surprisingly untroubled about the possibility of spending the rest of her life in prison. After Bree’s lawyer, Tripp (Scott Bakula), kisses her, she finally tells him that Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) killed Alejandro in self-defense. Yes, it was self-defense, which is what made everyone’s behavior during the storyline so implausible. Bree insists that Tripp not reveal the truth, ready to go prison to protect her friends. Tripp calls Gabi (Eva Longoria) to testify anyway. She admits that Alejandro was her stepfather. Bree feigns fainting to interrupt the proceedings. Carlos wants to tell the D.A. everything. Gabi wants to say she killed him, figuring that because she is an abuse victim people will believe her. That would have been a good strategy right after Alejandro died, if Gabi really thought that Carlos’s long ago felony convictions  – which might have been ruled inadmissible – would prejudice the jury. Karen (Kathryn Joosten) , who knows she is about to die, overhears their conversation. She persuades Tripp that she can testify on Bree’s behalf, then, once on the stand confesses to the murder . Though her claim is implausible, the D.A. dismisses the charges against Bree and decides not to charge the terminally ill Karen. Bree is mad at Tripp for successfully defending her without implicating her friends. It does not make a whole lot of sense. Karen decides to get them back together. Roy tells Bree that Tripp found the old record Karen wants played at her funeral. He tells Bree that he wants to be with her. She can’t believe that anyone who knows all of the terrible things that she has done could want, but he convinces her that he is untroubled by her flaws.

Tom (Doug Savant) tells Lynette (Felicity Huffman) he is filing the divorce papers, because he believes that she is seeing somebody else thanks to last week’s “Three’s Company” Style misunderstanding. Roy tells Tom he needs to tell Lynette how he feels while he still can. So he tells Lynette that she will always be the love of his life even though she knows he moved on. She tells him that he is mistaken and she still loves him.

Susan (Teri Hatcher) tells everyone she is moving moments before Katherine (Dana Delaney) returns and announces she and her girlfriend broke up. She has launched a successful  frozen food business in France and wants Lynette to head the US division in New York. Lynette says no because she just reunited with Tom, even though Tom got fired last week so there is no reason they couldn’t move. There is no explanation for why this yet to be launched division could not be headquartered in Fairview, home of numerous vaguely defined businesses. Lynette runs into a bitchy career woman who originally appeared in the pilot, who says she would jump at the opportunity. Tom, not appreciative that Lynette is considering taking a great job that would enable her to provide for their family, says that she is  interested in the position because nothing will ever make her happy. Why does he find it so weird that she wants her marriage and a great job? She’s always been unhappy because she sacrificed her career for her family. After she talks about how happy he makes her during her toast at Renee’s wedding, he realizes he is being stupid and suggests they go to New York.

Gabi gets promoted at the department store where she has only worked for a couple months. She works long hours and giving Carlos jewelry to make up for it, reversing the roles in their relationship. When Carlos hires a sexy female gardener, Gabi thinks he is making fun of the affair she had with John during the first season. He tells her he wants to make sure they never go back to the bad times.

On the way to Renee’s wedding, Julie’s (Andrea Bowen) water breaks all over Renee’s ugly wedding dress. Gabi gets her a much nicer one from the department store , while Susan takes Julie to the hospital in the wedding limo. Karen dies as Julie gives birth.

Susan plays one last poker game before leaving Wisteria Lane. A month later Lynette and Tom move to New York and become rich and powerful. A year later Carlos and Gabi move because Gabi gets a show on HSN and they again become rich and powerful. Two years later Bree and Tripp move to Kentucky and Bree becomes a rich and powerful Kentucky state senator. Technically, none of the housewives can be classified as housewives any longer. As Susan drives around the block one last time, all of the dead of Wisteria Lane watch her, including Mike, George the Pharmacist and, of course, Mary Alice. This show had a higher body count than “Dexter.” Watch the clip and see if you can make it through without tearing up.

The woman who bought Susan’s house, of course, has a mysterious wooden jewelry box that she hides.