There was a trifecta of drams on last night’s episode of the “Real Housewives of Orange County” that involved a case of losing one’s body, soul, and mind.
Whatever am I talking about, you so incredulously ask? Here’s a recap if you missed out on the action: Tam-Tam lost 300 cc’s of silicone, Alexis and Jimbo were at a crossroads over her desire to upgrade her second-class marital status, and last but certainly not least, Gretchen’s girlfriend Sarah Winchester drank her way into mental oblivion and proceeded to attack Vicki, who looked like a petrified owl with pancake powder on her face.
Here are the deets:
Tamra goes ahead with her plan to get a breast reduction, despite boyfriend Eddie fearfully wondering out loud if he’ll be able to transition from watermelons to matzah balls.
“Ultimately it doesn’t matter what Eddie thinks about me removing my implants. It’s my body, and I’ll do what I want to,” proudly states Tamra, who makes sure that she goes into surgery with full-on glides of pink lip gloss.
As for Alexis, she heads out to dinner with Jim, who tells her he’s starting to feel his package shrivel up as she involves herself in non-domestic activities…he fears she’s trying to be his equal. Scary, Jim—we know.
“I’m torn because it’s like changing the terms of the agreement,” he tells her, referring to their marriage. “When we got married, we became one flesh biblically, and being one flesh, wives stay home.”
As we double check to see if we’re living in the 21st century, Jimmy Jam suggests Alexis can keep her Alexis Couture business but that she should walk away from her Fox 5 hosting gig. (I applaud him for telling her to do that, but for an entirely different reason: She’s a freak-fest full of brain farts on camera.)
“Jim likes me at home in an apron, but I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom now,” Alexis defiantly retorts. (Ruh roh, Jim! What have you created?!)
And to wrap up the night, there’s the case of the Champagne Bowling gone ba-nay-nay that brought together Bunco enemies Vicki and Gretchen under the same roof, but interestingly enough, it’s Gretch’s weirdo bud, Sarah, who causes all the commotion (watch above).
While Vicki and Gretch silently swear off speaking to each other about their dynamite-blasting brawl at Tamra’s Bunco party weeks before, Sarah decides to be a confrontational trashed-out nut job—all for the supposed sake of sticking up for Gretch.
She walks up to Vicki demanding to talk, but instead of falling into a straitjacket state, Vicki refuses to get involved in any drama. This Gandhi move causes Sarah to flip out, and she angrily follows “Miss Piggy” in a loop around the bowling alley, trying to force her to talk to her. In the end, Vicki wins out, and totally smashed Sarah, who wins the award for Slowest Blinker Ever, whines like a baby who just went potty in her pants but doesn’t want to change her diaper.
“She’s a bully!” Sarah cries. “Vicki, why are you being so rude? Why are you being so defensive?”
Gretchen, fully embarrassed and actually siding with Vicki for once, tries to calm her bubbly filled buddy and proceeds to talk to Sarah like she’s talking to her dogs.
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