So, let’s get this straight, I take two weeks off and…
• The tribes were reshuffled so that one group was “The A-Team” and the other was “Colton in Charge.”
• Kim discovered an immunity idol that she was allowed to keep for her very own self.
• Alicia and Colton created a clique that made the “Mean Girls” look like a bunch of Care Bears. (You go, Glen Coco.)
• Monica was sent packing despite being the only person on her tribe capable of competing in a challenge.
• Leif continued to sleep in a box.
• The greatest 3rd-place game in the history of “Survivor” screeched to a halt as Colton was removed for medical reasons. His immunity idol was also evacuated despite having a perfectly functioning appendix.
• The tribes merged and were given sleek, sexy black buffs.
• Kat’s fear of appendicitis led her to investigate the possibility of voting the medical condition off of the island.
Got it. OK, I’m rested and ready…let’s do this.
39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog
Let’s see where the tribe currently stands…
The Name Pending Tribe (wearing black)
Alicia - 25, Special Ed Teacher
Chelsea – 26, Medical Sales
Christina – 29, Career Consultant
Kat – 22, Timeshare Rep
Kim – 29, Bridal Shop Owner
Jay – 25, Model
Jonas – 37, Sushi Chef
Leif – 27, Phlebotomist
Michael – 30, Banker
Sabrina – 33, High School Teacher
Tarzan – 64, Plastic Surgeon
Troyzan – 50, Swimsuit Photographer
Quick Note: If you were wondering how J-Pro feels about Colton returning to play “Survivor” in a future season, check out my exclusive interview.
The fun kicks off with the remaining twelve returning to camp after Tribal Council. During the merge feast, Alicia lets us know that she is not pleased that Christina is still in the game while Colton is gone. The lesson here is that it might not be the best strategy to tell potential jury members to jump in the fire.
The next morning, Troyzan comes up with a new name for the tribe, Tikiano. OK, I know I’ve probably said this about 100 times, but why doesn’t someone ever give the tribe a bad-a$$ name like The Miracle Doom Force or The Death Punchers? Put me on the show and that would be my first post-merge order of business.
Later, Jonas uses his sushi chef skills to turn coconut and sea water into a faux potato chip. Color me impressed. Wait’ll he gets to the first Quick-Fire Challenge.
The breakfast festivities continue with poor Tarzan trying to get his tiny-undie-wearing mitts on the coffee he didn’t help win. Jay thinks this is poor form.
Tarzan takes this coffee slight very seriously. He’s now worried that the boys alliance is long gone. He approaches Michael with the idea of the six guys and Alicia as an alliance. Mike agrees to it, but lets us know that he doesn’t trust or like Tarzan.
Reward Challenge: The players will be divided into two teams of six. Four members from each team will take turns digging their way under a wall, crawling under some boards, and then digging up puzzle pieces. Once they have all of the puzzle pieces, the two remaining players will put together a turtle-shaped puzzle. First team to complete their puzzle wins reward.
Wanna know what they’re playing for?
(Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
The winning team will enjoy an afternoon of pizza and beer. They’ll also receive a secret note. Ooo…maybe they’ll pass it to them during study hall.
The teams will be Alicia, Christina, Jay, Sabrina, Troyzan, and Chelsea (wearing orange) against Leif, Kat, Kim, Michael, Jonas, and Tarzan (wearing teal).
The challenge starts off and poor Leif finds himself stuck under the wall. This helps the other team jump out to a lead. After Leif finally returns, Kim gets stuck too. Dig a bigger hole, kids.
The orange team has opened up a big lead, but Kat manages to fly through the obstacles and win back some time. Maybe they told her she was being chased by appendicitis.
Finally, it’s down to Michael and Sabrina. Sabrina seems to be committing the biggest digging mistake you can make as she accidentally pushes more sand into her hole. Michael manages to pick up a ton of ground here.
The puzzle building is almost dead even as Jonas and Tarzan square off against Troyzan and Christina. However, Troytina manages to pull it off to win reward. Jonas pretends to be OK with the loss, but he’s clearly annoyed with Tarzan.
And this week’s “Survivor” Original is none other than “Survivor” Hall of Famer Parvati Shallow. And I was just looking at trophy samples just the other day…
During the pizza feast, Alicia cracks open the special love note. Apparently there’s another idol back at camp. This development concerns Chelsea because she’s worried someone from Manono will find it and mess up her plans.
Back at camp, Jonas is growing frustrated with Tarzan. He confronts Tarzan about approaching Michael with their plans. The conversation quickly gets ugly with Tarzan calling Jonas a…uh…unflattering orifice.
After that, Tarzan offers to, “Drop out of the tribe.” Um…let’s assume he meant “alliance.”
The next morning, Troyzan gets up early and goes on an idol hunt. And sure enough, he finds it. I don’t know if I’m going to continue to use the term “Hantzian” to describe this phenomenon, cause everybody’s doing it these days.
Immunity Challenge Time: Players will be perched on a small log while balancing a ball on a disc. As time goes on, they’ll add more balls to their disc. Last person standing with all of their balls wins immunity.
The challenge starts up and Tarzan is almost immediately out. Everybody else manages to survive the first round.
Fun Fact: Probst’s commentary any time there are balls in play = pure gold.
Round two claims Christina, Michael, Chelsea, and Kim.
Round three will continue until everyone is eliminated. Alicia is out quickly. She’s joined by Jay, Jonas, and Sabrina.
Your final three are Troyzan, Kat, and Leif. Leif’s the first to go out and after a stressful stand-off is followed by Kat. Troyzan wins immunity.
Quick Aside: The hand-painted tribe flag looks amazing! Who’s the Tikiano artist?
Politicking around camp centers around the second Salani tribe gunning for Jonas. Chelsea is conflicted because while Jonas is the most dangerous member of the second Manono tribe, he’s very valuable around camp.
Later, Troyzan approaches Jonas and lets him in on the plot to get rid of him. Jonas immediately goes into scramble mode and apologizes to Tarzan. Tarzan accepts it and is brought to tears.
The remnants of the guys alliance eventually decides to vote for Kat.
So, Chelsea is doing her laundry, when Tarzan throws his…possibly…poop…stained…drawers in with her stuff. As you’d imagine, this does not go over very well with her. This major breach of etiquette is enough to get Chelsea to try to get her alliance to vote for Tarzan instead.
That night at Tribal Council, Jonas thinks it’s too early to be voting out people because they could do well in front of the jury. He wants Michael to go home because he’s an immunity threat.
Jonas doesn’t care and announces that he’s voting for Michael.
Tarzan thinks Jonas should relax because he isn’t going home tonight. Jonas doesn’t think they have the numbers to make proclamations like that.
Tarzan then changes his mind, saying they should send Jonas home.
Quick Aside: Between Colton, Tarzan, and Alicia, this has been some of the worst strategic gameplay I have ever seen.
Chelsea and Sabrina think they’ve had more issues with Tarzan than they have had with Jonas.
Voting Time: Jonas votes for Mike, Tarzan votes for Jonas, and the rest of the votes aren’t shown.
Probst does some tallying and returns. One vote for Jonas, two votes for Michael, five votes for Jonas, and the seventh person to leave “Survivor: One World” is…Jonas.
On the way out, Jonas approaches Tarzan and says, “No hard feelings.” Tarzan replies with a classy, “Hard feelings to you.” Way to secure jury votes, Tarzan.
Verdict: Jonas, I am so sorry. I gave you my pre-season pick curse. I’d hate to think what would happen if you, Jim Rice, Marty Piombo, Michelle Chase, and others ever tried to get revenge on me.
That aside, this season isn’t particularly fun. There’s this weird air of unfinished Colton business hanging over it, and there really isn’t anyone to root for. Here’s hoping there’s still time for it to pick up.
Who’s Going to Win: Buh…I guess I’ll curse Chelsea next.
Power Rankings Update: Speaking of Jim Rice, he had Jonas in spot one. Ouch. Dawn Meehan had him in spot ten. This extends Dawn’s Salani lead to a dominating 56 to 35. I might take a few more weeks off…