‘The Good Wife’: Colin Sweeney Returns for The Sexiest Episode Ever

by | March 12, 2012 at 9:35 AM | Recap, The Good Wife

Sunday’s episode of “The Good Wife” was chock full of sex: sex on Peter’s couch, sex that resulted in a pregnancy, even oral sex that was described as “business like.” How did all of this happen on CBS? Well, all of the sex happened off camera.

Dylan Baker is back as millionaire murderer Colin Sweeney. Now that he is out of prison, he is attempting to regain control of his company. Alicia (Julianna Margulies) and Eli (Alan Cumming) are acting as his advisers. Colin’s plans quickly go awry when a woman takes the mic at a stockholder’s meeting and accuses Colin of sexual harassment — and claims that he is the father of her child. Lockhart-Gardner heads to court to claim that the woman lied to influence shareholders to vote against Colin.

 

Every moment that Baker is on screen is pure gold. Watch as he convincingly testifies that he has never had sex with that woman because she is not his type, then accuses the opposing counsel of being catty. Except it turns out that Sweeney was using Bill Clinton’s definition of sex, and he received oral pleasure from her in a restaurant bathroom on multiple occasions. When a paternity test reveals that he is the baby’s daddy, Lockhart-Gardner claims the woman engaged in “contraceptive fraud,” which means she, well, saved Colin’s sperm so she could have his turkey baster baby. Also, she received suspicious payments from the company’s current CEO. It is, as the presiding judge says, both disgusting and intriguing. The story has a happy ending when Colin decides to raise the baby with the woman who defrauded him. In all likelihood, it will only be a few short years before Lockhart-Gardner is hired to defend the child of these two insane, immoral people.

A blog claims that the State’s Attorney’s Office is a hotbed of illicit sex, claiming that a lawyer recently had sex on Peter’s (Chris Noth) couch. Oh, if that couch could talk, the stories it would tell. Are the State’s Attorneys to poor to get a hotel room? Peter tasks Cary (Matt Czuchry) with investigating the scandal. Yes, the same Cary who was sleeping with a fellow attorney until she got demoted. It turns out that an ASA named Jeremy (Laurence Mason) mwas the one who made good use of Peter’s couch. And he is gay. Peter fires him, which seems a bit excessive for a man who spent thousands of dollars on hookers. His couch must be really expensive to clean. Geneva (Renee Goldsberry) calls Cary out on his hypocrisy, making a pretty convincing argument that Peter is systematically discriminating against African American attorneys, citing the examples of the firing of Wendy Scott Carr and Jeremy and the demotion of Dana. Cary proves he is the most ethical person on this show by telling Peter about his relationship with Dana. Peter is basically like, “No big deal. White boys will be white boys!” but Cary insists he receive some sort of punishment.

Caitlin’s (Anna Camp) secret agenda is finally revealed, and it’s not at all what anyone expected. After she seemingly takes credit for Alica’s defense strategy, Alicia warns her she needs to check herself before she makes enemies. Then Caitlin’s uncle David comes down on her for being mean to Caitlin. Alicia learns that Caitlin is resigning — because she’s pregnant and wants to get married and be a Stay At Home Mom. She smirks to Alicia that women of her generation don’t need to prove themselves. After getting the world’s speediest promotion, it turns out Caitlinwas really in law school to get a MRS not a JD. Martha is going to be furious when she finds out.