‘Revenge’: Collateral Damage, AKA Jack Gets Jacked

by | January 19, 2012 at 9:22 AM | Recap, Revenge

Emanda’s revenge scheme leads to all sorts of unintended consequences on this week’s episode of “Revenge,” “Comittment.” Her plan is simple: Use the videotape of David revealing that he is Charlotte’s father to ruin Victoria’s chances of getting a large divorce settlement, then frame Amily for setting Mason the Fop’s house on fire. What could possibly go wrong with this scheme which is completely dependent on other people behaving the way she imagines they will?

Consequence Number 1: Jack Gets Jacked

Emanda (Emily Van Camp) has the video of the non-Maury Povich paternity reveal messengered to Conrad (Henry Czerny). His lawyer triumphantly plays the video for Victoria (Madeleine Stowe) at their next divorce pow wow. Czerny owns this episode, playing Conrad as a man who hides his devastation that his favorite child does not share his DNA behind a wall of bitterness. He threatens to turn Victoria into one of the 99 percent if a paternity test confirms David’s claims, snarling, “You’ll once again be the desperate penniless little bitch you were when I met you.” Victoria’s lawyer, who is really on Team Emanda, is furious that she never mentioned that she tricked Conrad into raising an accused terrorist’s child.

Victoria figures out that Mason’s house was set on fire to hide the theft of the tapes and suspects Amily (Margarita Leveiva). So she invites her to tea, as one does with suspected arsonists who are out to destroy them. Their meeting is a masterpiece of passive-aggressive bitchery. Victoria serves Amily strawberries then tells her that the Amanda was allergic to them as a child. Amily plays it off, so Victoria outright accuses her of being a fraud. She does not mention Amily’s accent as a giveaway, but she should because it is really distracting. Amily walks out on her. That’s when Victoria’s real purpose becomes clear. She has Amily’s spoon sent for DNA testing.

DNA test number one confirms that Charlotte (Christa B. Allen) is not Conrad’s child. DNA test number two reveals that Amily is in fact Amanda, thanks to Victoria’s lawyer substituting Emanda’s DNA before sending the sample to the lab. Victoria hires a thug to steal the tapes from Amily. Emanda has stashed the tapes at Jack’s place to make her look guilty. Unfortunately, Jack (Nick Weschler) catches the thug. He beats Jack like a pinata, because while Jack is capable of taking down Tyler, this guy is a professional. Both Emanda and Amily feel terrible about this. Emanda comes clean with Amily about everything and persuades her to leave town for everyone’s safety. Emanda does her best Edward Cullen impression and watches a bandaged Jack sleep.

Consequence Number 2: Charlotte Gets Disowned

Conrad, reeling from the news that Charlotte is not his, tells her that she can’t live with him any more.  She needs to move back in with Victoria. Yes, Conrad is punishing his child for her mother’s sins.

Consequence Number 3: Emanda Gets Engaged

Daniel (Josh Bowman) takes Emanda on a romantic date to the yacht where they met. He has even hired a string quartet. Oh, you crazy romantic WASPs! It’s ironic dialogue time as he tells her, “You’re the first person that I could be my true self around,” before getting down on one knee in the rain. She says yes and he puts a rock on her finger that even Jay-Z might find over the top.

Shockingly, nobody approves of their engagement. Victoria’s issue is that she hates Emanda. Conrad assumes Daniel only proposed to get his hands on his share of the company. When Daniel insists he is in love, Conrad cynically tells Daniel that his marriage will inevitably end with them cheating and keeping secrets from each other. Daniel connects the dots and asks Victoria what she did. She tells him that Charlotte is David’s child, but lets him jump to wrong conclusion about the circumstances surrounding her conception.

The only person who is happy about the engagement is Charlotte, who, in another bit of ironic dialogue tells Emanda. “You have no idea how badly I’ve always wanted a sister.” At least one of her dreams has come true. Emanda feels so guilty about all of the innocent people who have been hurt that she decides to hang up her revenge hat and call off the engagement — until Daniel tells her that Charlotte was conceived when David raped Victoria. Suddenly, she wants a June wedding.

Quotes:

“All I’ve got to show for my summer with the Graysons is a gun-wielding psychotic ex-boyfriend who made out with you.” – Ashley to Nolan.

“I may have Jack’s blood all over my jacket, but you have it on your hands.” Nolan to Emanda.