“Survivor” Hall of Fame Update: Voting for the “Survivor” Hall of Fame ends this Friday at 5 p.m. ET. ‘Boston’ Rob Mariano, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Russell Hantz, Producer Jesse Jensen, and some dude named Jeff Probst have already cast their ballots. Don’t miss your opportunity to cast yours.
Last Regular Episode: Edna masterminded a plot that both eliminated Coach from the game and solved the world financial crisis. And, Rick did a 30-minute stand-up routine.
Just kidding, none of that happened. But, Keith and Jim lost the Redemption Island duel and Dawn and Whitney were booted at Tribal Council.
39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog
Here is the tribe as it currently stands…
The Te Tuna Tribe (wearing yellow)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student
Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing the last hope for the Savaiian nation)
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Ozzy – 30, Challenge Destroyer
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer
The festivities kick off after Tribal Council with the Upolutians gloating over their decimation of the Savaii crew. Edna and Cochran aren’t as elated because they both think they’re on the bottom of the totem pole.
The following morning, Cochran tells a story about how he tried to be a bad boy when he was younger by making dirty phone calls. However, he made those calls before he fully understood how sexual relations worked. The result was understandably hilarious.
And no, I’m not recapping what he said, this is a family site.
An Open Letter to Cochran:
I love you, buddy. But, you know those guys that are following you around camp wearing backwards baseball caps? Those are camera men. The big boxes they keep pointing at you are called “cameras.” Those cameras make an audio and video record of your misguided-sex-talk and poop-in-my-pants stories. Other people (who aren’t following you around) then put those stories on national television. Just an FYI.
Not everybody is amused by Cochran’s sexy tales. Sophie, for example, can see why Savaii became annoyed with him.
Meanwhile, Cochran is a little wigged out by Upolu’s cult-like qualities. Brandon in particular has him concerned. However, this doesn’t deter Cochran from calling a team meeting and requesting a Tribal Council stay of execution. His reason? Because Upolu owes him a debt due to his flippage and his birthday is right around the corner.
I’m not sure he has a point on the flippery, but I’d totally swipe the birthday excuse. It’s not like you have an ID out there and they can check.
This move rubs Sophie the wrong way as she feels like they don’t owe Cochran anything. Albert and Coach are open to keeping Cochran and booting Edna.
Redemption Island Duel: The players will balance dishes at the end of a pole. They’ll slowly add more pieces to their stacks. Last person with their stack standing stays in the game.
Not much to describe here except for some stackin’ and some wobblin’.
Dawn goes to yawn and almost finds herself gone. Yay, rhyming! She manages to save herself though.
However, my rhyming can’t save her a second time as her stack falls and she’s the first to go.
We get some tense editing for a bit…and then Whitney’s out. Ozzy stays in the game.
When it’s all said and done, Dawn says that “Survivor” has taught her that anything is possible. That’s the great thing about “Survivor,” it seems to change people’s attitudes about life. You never hear that from people leaving “The Bad Girls Club.”
Whitney lets us know that her family and friends will be proud of her. No word on how her secret husband will feel.
Back at Te Tuna, Albert doesn’t feel the need to help around camp. He’s more focused on coming up with strategies and working on his social game. Some people consider being useful around camp to be good for your social game.
Some guy named Rick is annoyed that Albert isn’t helping around camp. He dubs him “Prince Albert.”
Family site…family site…
Later, Edna asks Coach if she’s the next one to go after Cochran. The Dragon Slayer confirms this suspicion. Oh man, keepin’ it real.
Coach, however, admits that keeping Edna and Cochran would be good for his game.
The following morning, Coach and Cochran bust out some Coa-chi. Coach is positive that this will help one of them win the next challenge. Seriously? Coach’s been doing this stuff for three seasons and has never been a big challenge threat.
Immunity Challenge Time: The players will throw bean bags onto a set of three boxes. The first three people to get bean bags on all three boxes will advance. From there it’s back to the ol’ coconut slingshot. First person to knock down all of the targets wins immunity and a spa/massage afternoon.
Albert, Rick, and Sophie advance to the next round. What?! Coa-chi fails?!
Uh-oh…Albert was good with the slingshot in the earlier challenge.
And sure enough, Albert wins immunity, just edging out someone named Rick.
Albert is given the opportunity to share his spa treatment, he chooses Coach.
Then, he asks J-Pro if he can give his spa treatment to someone else in exchange for their food if they win a future reward. Probsty agrees and Albert chooses to give it to Cochran as an early birthday gift.
I take it back! Coa-chi works!
Quick Aside: I hate this move. It always looks shady when someone gives up their reward. Also, does that mean Cochran is safe?
Cochran then tells us that he’s given his mom a massage, but never had one himself. What did I just say about the guys with cameras?!
Back at Te Tunisia, the tribe is greeted by two masseuses and two massage tables. I gotta admit, I love that they have to enjoy their reward in front of the tribe.
Also, Cochran admits that he lied about his birthday. Atta boy! He’s like Mini Fairplay.
After the reward, Cochran takes Albert aside to talk strategy. Albert doesn’t think Coach is ready to make a big move, but Cochran thinks they could try to vote out some fella named Rick. Cochran even admits that he heard that guy call Albert, “Princess Albert.”
Cochran takes this plan to Edna and Coach. Edna’s on board, but Coach is non-committal.
That night at Tribal Council, Coach admits that the scrambling around camp has been crazy.
Cochran thinks the jury will be happy to hear that he’s in trouble. However, he thinks the Upolu faithful owe him another three nights in the game.
Albert agrees, and thinks it looks bad for Upolu’s image to use him and vote him out.
Some mustachioed gentleman named Rick doesn’t feel safe and has brought his stuff with him.
Edna is freaking out because she thinks she’s the sixth person on the totem pole.
And now it’s time for Tribal Confessions with Brandon Hantz…
Brandon lets us all know that he’s voting for Cochran tonight and Edna the next time they’re at Tribal. This short burst exhausts poor Brandon.
Cochran then says that talking to Brandon about strategy is like talking to Probst about shirts that aren’t blue. They just can’t comprehend it.
WHOA! Alright, tell the guys with the backwards baseball caps to turn off the cameras. I think Cochran just won “Survivor.” Screw the voting, I’m inducting Cochran into the “Survivor” Hall of Fame tomorrow.
Cochran then shakes the world up by asking what’ll happen if Edna wins immunity next time. Sophie plays it off well by saying, “Then it starts.”
Voting Time: Rick votes for Cochran, Cochran votes for Rick, Edna votes for Rick, and the rest of the votes will have to wait.
One vote for Cochran, two votes for Rick, two votes for Cochran, and the thirteenth person to make a trip to Redemption Island is…Cochran.
Oh man, Redemption Island is going to be entertaining next week.
Verdict: One of the best episodes this season. The breakdown of Upolu is going to be super interesting. Every strategic instinct says people should try to take Cochran, Brandon, and Edna to the end, but Brandon the pitbull has everyone too afraid to get too far of line.
Who’s Going to Win: Sticking with Sophie.
Power Rankings Update: Andrea picked it this week. She had Cochran in spot seven while I had him in spot five. We both predicted Ozzy would win Redemption Island. The current score is now Team Boehlke 145, Team Holmes 146.
Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes