Things were getting way too real on last night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” that I almost dove into my flatscreen (cannonball style) in an attempt to Botox the ladies tongues into total paralysis.
Thanks to her Dr. Phil “get-real” type of marriage counseling, Taylor’s pent-up rage against foreboding Lisa was finally unleashed at the latter’s lovely pink tea party, and although her fury proved that she could get Oklahoma on the Brit’s voluptuous arse, it also came to bite the skinny girl right back.
With the perfect mix of rationality, coolness, and British charm, Lisa found a way of taking the negative attention away from her and bringing it back to the more pressing issue at hand that all the ladies knew about but didn’t want to discuss: the revelation that Taylor was being abused by Russell.
Check out how the mad tea party got heavier than Tay’s bulging lips:
Despite discovering she wasn’t invited to Taylor’s business awards event, Lisa invites her frenemy and the rest of the ladies for tea at her white palace humble home.
When Taylor shows up, the unspoken tension between her and the naughty Brit comes to a boil, but Kyle tries to simmer it down initially by telling everyone that Kim (who, of course, is a no-show) is moving in with a crew-cut Mr. Bean look-alike of nasally proportions.
Watch Lisa Discover She’s Off Taylor’s Guest List:
But their focus on Kim and her hobbit-love shenanigans only lasts for so long. Being the upfront ballbuster of the group, Lisa gets right into it, telling Taylor she doesn’t appreciate the blond excluding her from social outings. (Upon hearing this, a piece of Kyle’s cucumber-cream cheese sandwich plops outta her mouth, and she stares crazily at the floor.)
But this time, Taylor is prepared to fight her intimidating devil from across the pond! This time it’ll take her a few long minutes—rather than a few seconds—to back down from her frenemy!
With neck jerks, arm swings, and poochie lips poppin’ out like they’re hot—Taylor channels her inner NeNe Leakes and goes off on Lisa, telling her: She’s sick of the brunette always emphasizing that they’re not friends; sick of her trash talkin’ and saying she has no friends; sick of her always cutting her (and Camille!) off (Camille looks totally confused at hearing this); and sick of her treating her like she’s an unworthy underling!
After Tay’s long-winded tirade, Adrienne, Camille, and Kyle freeze up—wishing they had worn Serenity Super-Absorbent undergarments for this shocking, unexpected showdown.
But what does Lisa say to all this? “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” says the Brit with utter nonchalance. And for a moment, the blond melts in her hand like puddy.
“If you can’t be my friend, just please don’t be my enemy!” begs Taylor with tears and whimpering lips. “My life is tough enough as it is…I’ll never be good enough for youuu!”
Watch Taylor Confront Lisa About Her “Out of Control” Ego:
With more fascination than compassion, Lisa simply stares at the insecure blond with her icy baby blues, as if staring at a mouse she’s about to annihilate with her feline claws. Moments later, though, the Brit decides to apologize to Taylor for hurting her feelings…but to no avail.
Taylor continues: “I’m trying to find self-esteem; I’m trying to be who you are, I guess…but I’m not there yet.”
To which Lisa quickly responds in her very “Lisa way”: “You don’t need to be who I am…you need to be yourself.”
And then Tay goes bonkers. “I don’t know who I am, and I can’t have you judging me along the way!!! You make me feel bad about myself!”
After Taylor attacks Lisa for having an “obnoxious” screensaver of herself (with Jigster, of course) on her iPad, Lisa’s decides to stop the insanity. “I’m ending this; this is too bitchy for me,” she replies.
Moments later, while Taylor storms out of the house and ends up talking to Paul, who’s at the gate, looking for Adrienne—the ladies discuss Tay’s volatility and emotional schizophrenia concerning her relationship with Russell, wondering what to do about her secret confessions of abuse.
When Taylor returns to relay Paul’s message to Adrienne, Camille invites her to sit her non-existent heiny down…and that’s when the improv intervention begins!
“I think everyone should start saying what they mean,” declares Taylor, who’s attempting to keep the focus on Lisa and her “bullying” issues. But Camille isn’t having it.
“I don’t think you put everything out there,” Camille hints. “We’re all protecting you…[and hear comes the whammy]…cause we don’t say that he hits you, because we don’t say that he broke your jaw, that he beat you up, and that he hits you…but now we said it!”
Whoa, ladies! Whoaaa! This is getting too real for reality TV!
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