RHOBH: Russell Makes an Appearance, Kim Reveals a Huge Secret

by | November 1, 2011 at 8:04 AM | Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo)

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo)

Last night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” was like a caravan of dreams—some we wanted to keep lazily drifting in, others we wanted to wake up from and scream “Uncle”!

For instance, there was Pandora’s Arabian-esque engagement party, which was full of nutty, gypsy-like characters mixed in with (and practically buried in) the manufactured cleavage of the Beverly Hills Barbie Doll elite.

And then there was the haunting appearance of Russell. Like an eerie memory catapulted back to life, the venture capitalist suddenly appeared in the flesh, reminding us of how much his and Taylor’s story was edited out of the show to keep things light and bubbly as a mimosa. Interestingly, though, Bravo did allow some of the Russell-induced tension to play out in this eppy—even revealing that Lisa’s uber rich friend Mohamed had a huge falling out with him but for reasons unspecified.

Watch Russell’s Appearance In Last Night’s Episode:

Fitting to her personality, Kim made a huge splash, too, unveiling something in her life that’s been giving her the jitters—and this one doesn’t come in a shot glass!

Check out what R.E.M. looks like in 90210 mode:

In preparation for another ridonk-priced birthday party for Kennedy that’ll put her and Russell further into debt, Taylor goes to a local bakery to pick out birthday cakes with Dana. And the only reason why we’re mentioning this is because we now have documentation that Tay-Tay has eaten something this season…

Later, Taylor invites Kyle and Mauricio over for dinner, and it’s there that we see a slimmed-down Russell, who is his usual calm, polite, yet distant self. After Kyle and Mauricio do Eskimo kisses at the dining table and make the estranged couple feel even more estranged, Russell asks if they’ve seen Us Weekly’s latest allegations that claim he and Tay have separated.

Although Kyle and Mauricio try to dismiss the story, Russell softly relays he’s considering slapping a lawsuit on the mag in order to find out who their source is, (although all roads point to Lisa since she’s good friends with the editor). Freaked out by his cutthroat ways, Kyle resorts to her usual stressed-out expression: flaring her nostrils and pooching out her bottom lip.

At Pandora’s engagement party, host Mohamed and his fembot wife 40-plus years his junior, decide to buy Morocco for a night and fit it into his 60,000 square foot palace. Camels, belly dancers, mermaids on acid, and man-female boobs abound, along with a socially incapacitated guest who proudly calls her husband “daddy!”

The night commences with acrobats curling their bodies like a pack of fruit roll-ups on a centerpiece table and Kyle joining in on the Gumby action (after finishing her middle-eastern drumstick). She does a split on the table, making the other Housewives’ eyeballs fall outta their sockets, but soon Taylor tosses up one of her toothpick legs to add to the fun and inadvertently flashes her va-jay-jay.

Meanwhile, Kim decides to take the night off and spend it with her big secret! The cameras catch her looking longingly into the eyes of a bottle of Grey Goose a mysterious man! Sound the trumpets: It’s her secret boyfriend-neighbor Ken (a.k.a. Gollum from “Lord of the Rings”)!

“Our love for each other will transcend,” he says robotically as if speaking through a voice box implanted in his throat. “You haven’t met my sisters yet,” Kim retorts. But Ken’s not intimidated—after all, all he cares about is giving Kim his Preciousss!

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