I’m not sure what I was impressed with more on Adrienne’s lavishly ridonk spa day for the ladies: her $40K facial machines, her red velvet smurf-sized crumpets sprinkled with edible gold, or her Chippendales waiters who possessed bigger breasts than all the ladies combined. (I’ll go with the last.)
But underneath all the manis and pedis and infrared machines lurked emotions that went beyond skin deep. Scared to lose her brand spankin’ new place in the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” ensemble and feeling unfairly ganged up on, Brandi thought the only way to have some semblance of peace was to apologize to Pointer Sisters Kyle and Kim. (But she kinda would’ve rather broken her other foot than do so.)
While Kyle wasn’t as invested in her hatred towards Brandi, “victim” Kimbo was, especially since the newbie accused her of free basing crystal meth—(although really, we know she’s just an innocent glue sniffer on meds). Get it right, Brandi.
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Check out how the Mean Girls dealt with Brandi’s pride-sucking tearful apology…
Adrienne reveals her secret to keeping her face incredibly stretched: She has a built-in spa at her house—attached with beauty slaves ready at a moment’s notice to Maloof her face! Thankfully, she decides to spread the anti-aging love and invites the ladies over to get pampered and spray-tanned like Snooki.
When Brandi shows up, Kyle and Kim squint their eyes with hate, while Taylor’s lips blubber up in fear. To lessen the tension, an almost buck-naked Camille decides to jump in the spray tanning booth and pretends she’s surrounded by large penises to amuse the ogling ladies. She emerges looking like an orange reptile rather than her usual peachy reptilian self.
As Lisa jokingly pulls on Kyle’s man toes, Adrienne comes by and says Brandi wants to apologize to Kyle, but the latter says that the apology should go to Kim.
“I have no intention in talking to her,” says Kim when Kyle relays the news. “I’m not gonna feed a piranha.”
Meanwhile, Brandi is half-choking herself because a huge part of her doesn’t want to apologize—after all, she wasn’t the one redefining what “powdering your nose” meant in the ladies’ room and transforming into Lady Nasty-Cakes at game night. She tells Adrienne that she doesn’t know Kim and would rather just talk to the sis with the more uninjured brain cells.
“You can’t fight with Crazy,” says Brandi about spaced-out Kimmie. (She starts to wonder if it might actually be easier to befriend LeAnn Rimes than these two clowns.)
When Maloof Muffin tells Kyle that Brandi’s ready to mea culpa, the latter gets up to walk over to her. Kim pops up in front of her sister. “So you’re gonna let her go out and apologize to you?” she says shocked. Kyle reassures her that she just wants to hear the biatch out and won’t necessarily accept her apology.
Nevertheless, Kim feels unequivocally wronged by her sis. “What a traitor!” she concludes to the camera in her Colonel Sanders/Dynasty blouse.
When Kyle stands in front of Brandi, the blond starts out by saying both of them lost their marbles. She says she feels rejected from the group and would appreciate it if Kyle didn’t critique her philosophy on her son wee-weeing on someone’s grass ever again. To protect some of her pride, the tall broken boned one also adds that they don’t have to be BFFs; she just wants things to be civil.
“Just don’t talk about my sister,” Kyle says as her face glows like a light bulb with newly infused vitamins and enzymes. Lisa stands a few inches behind her BFF, nodding her head in support and squinting her eyes with disgust as she quietly imagines Brandi and Cedric guffawing and swaying on swings in slo mo. “You ought to apologize to Kim,” the Brit tosses out to Brandi.
As Brandi tries to get Kyle to take some responsibility for the shenanigans, the ladies side with Kyle, which brings the newbie to tears and frustration. “Let’s just move on,” says Kyle flaring her nostrils in disgust. Brandi flees to a room and cries.
Feeling triumphant, Kyle walks over to Kim, who’s getting a relaxing head massage. As tufts of Kim’s hair falls out into the masseuse’s hands, the loopy blond dismisses Brandi completely. However, Kyle finally admits to Kim that the two should man up since they weren’t “two little angels” that night, either. Kim looks at her with shock and disdain as if she has no idea what her sis is talking about.
Donning a mysterious drawn-on mole and a speak-easy hooker outfit, Brandi tells the camera how she really feels about the Pointer Sisters. “Kim and Kyle were mean to me. I know I’m a good person, and if they don’t want to see that side of me, they can f–k off.”
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