Which is crazier:
A) A woman arranges to have her romantic rival trapped in a ski gondola so she can foist a surprise mountaintop wedding on the man that they both love. The woman is wearing a 300 foot long veil, a dress made out of what appears to be a sports bra and tissue paper, and combat boots. The trapped girl screams and pounds on the gondola windows in vain as she watches the man marry her rival, even though minutes before he was eager to reconcile with the trapped girl.
B) A woman has been paying the hospital bills for her comatose presumed dead best friend who has had her face surgically altered to resemble her dead sister in the hope of stealing her sister’s boyfriend. However, her coma seems to have nothing to do with the surgery.
Are these plot points, which both involve variations on the phrase, “Don’t give up”
A) Crazy awesome. This is why people watch soaps!
B) Crazy stupid. This is why people gave up on soaps!
The first storyline was the culmination of the seemingly endless virgin Hope/Liam/non-virgin Steffy triangle on “The Bold & the Beautiful.” I think all three of the actors involved deserve Emmy nominations for managing to keep a straight face. The visual of Steffy marching onto the mountaintops in that giant veil and those boots coupled with Hope pounding on the gondola windows like Dustin Hoffman at the church door at the end of “The Graduate” was hilarious enough to push this plotpoint toward Crazy Awesome for me.
I also have to say I am not feeling a lot of sympathy for Hope (Kimberly Matula). She broke up with Liam (Scott Clifton) of her own free will without giving him any explanation. If she had not done that, Liam would never have slept with or proposed to Steffy (Jacqueline Wood). Steffy did manipulate him in that she came onto him while he was drunk, but the marriage proposal was his idea. Then when Hope decided she wanted him back, she expected to be instantly forgiven. Yes, Steffy hid his cell phone but surely Hope could have come up with a better way of getting in touch with him than having a stranger find him in Aspen and cryptically intone, “Don’t give up hope” before telling him to climb the mountain. Liam could have easily said no to the instant wedding by simply pointing out that he and Steffy have been together less than a week in B&B’s timeline and he wanted to wait. It’s hard for me to think of Hope and Liam as starcrossed lovers who were unjustly ripped apart . Given how many hundreds of words I have devoted to trashing this triangle over the past couple months, I must be responding to it on some level. So, B&B gets the so crazy bad it’s kind or good award.
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The second scenario refers to the horror that is the Stacy is Back From The Dead storyline on “One Life To Live.” This monstrosity is a giant pimple on the soap’s otherwise clear complexion. Stacy (Crystal Hunt) was one of the most hated characters in the soap’s history. The influx of gay characters was blamed for the show falling to the bottom of the Nielsen ratings during Stacy’s time in Llanview, but I think the unpleasantness of Stacy was every bit as responsible. Why bring back a character who had no redeeming or interesting qualities? Is keeping Farrah Fath on the payroll until the end of the show’s ABC run really that essential? If so, Gigi should have survived her carbon monoxide poisoning. Fath’s portrayal of Gigi veered between likable and annoying. Fath as Stacy who looks like Gigi is just plain weird, particularly because she doesn’t seem to be playing Stacy all that differently from Gigi. Are we supposed to root for Rex (John Paul Lavoisier) to fall for a woman who drugged him to convince him that he had sex and conceived a child with her because she looks like his dead former love? Or are we supposed to root for everyone in Llanview to throw rocks at her until she dies for real? If the show tries to retcon that Stacy was the one who died, than none of what she said or did while she was locked in the basement makes any sense. But why else would Rex be haunted by the phrase, “Don’t give up?” The only possible redeeming quality of this storyline would be if Stacy ends up dating Robert Ford (David Gregory), creating the most loathsome couple in Llanview history, because it would be so easy to fast forward through them. The only aspect of the scenes that I enjoyed was Stacy revealing that she went to the same plastic surgeon as Erica Kane’s lookalike, Jane, on “All My Children.” I appreciate OLTL’s shout out to its fallen sister soap. I was so excited about Kim’s return because I wanted to see the continuation of her relationship with Clint, not her adventures with Stacy. Sometimes soap death should be permanent. This storyline is crazy in the sense that only someone with mental disorder could think it was a good idea.
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