RHoBH: Taylor Has a Breakdown, Jumps into a Suitcase

by | September 20, 2011 at 7:39 AM | Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo)

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo)

On last night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” Taylor went off the deep end—as the facade of her happy marriage to Russell, along with years of self-denial and low self-esteem, began to unravel at Camille’s Colorado weekend vacay. So what was the catalyst that started Tay-Tay’s cray cray? Could it have been the bottle of bubbly she downed? The altitude? Her apparent hunger strike? Perhaps, it was a toxic combo of the three…

Check out the unraveling right here:

After drinking a whole bottle of spirits and almost disintegrating in the hot tub with Kyle, a half-naked Taylor crawls into bed next to a zonked-out Kim, whose mouth is drooling like a geyser ready to explode. Sensing a heavy lip presence, Kim wakes up startled at the sight of her frenemy’s bony face and juicy choppers just a few inches away from her. “I grew up with nothing…I’m so terrified I’ll have to go back to that,” the younger blond cries.

Moments later, Taylor apologizes at how she’s treated Kim and begs for her forgiveness. “I was such an a–hole,” she cries. “Yeah, I know,” Kim cackles, in order to break the depressing mood—but hee! hee! time only lasts for a few seconds.

See What Happens At Dinner:

As the girls get ready for dinner, Taylor decides it’s high time to act certifiable. First up: Zoom! She dives into Kyle’s suitcase! Minutes later, she grabs Kyle and Kim into the baby’s room and begs to be coddled and have her hair stroked. After much nervous prodding by the sisters to tidy up, the Emaciated One starts freaking out claiming her makeup disappeared! She curses like a sailor, darts her glassy eyes to the left and right, and gets defensive. As the ladies attempt to calm her tantrums, she screams that she’s not about to look like the crazy one. Too late, girl.

“You’re having a nervous breakdown. Come on, pull it together,” whispers Adrienne to Tay-Tay. (She considers giving the whimpering blond some hypnotherapy via her expensive hair-bling.)

“I never eat,” declares Miss Skeletor, as the ladies begin to find their seats around the dining table. Before Camille can open her protruding reptilian mouth to slurp her carrot ginger soup, Taylor flings her arms around her, apologizing for all the pain the newly divorcee must still be going through.

“He doesn’t cheat on me,” later defends Taylor, as she compares herself to Camille’s dissolved marriage to Mr. Back Hair. Imagining hubby Paul’s ginormous nostrils flaring with laughter, Adrienne tells her, honey, there are worse things than cheating.

“Don’t you feel you really deserve better than the way you’ve been treated?” Lisa asks Taylor. Sadly, the forlorn blond says no and exclaims she’s still in love with Russell.

“Are you in love with him, or are you afraid to be alone?” challenges Adrienne. Taylor’s lips don’t move, (which is usually the case, but what I mean here is that she doesn’t respond with an answer).

In the end, Adrienne’s man, Paul, sums up the ordeal best: “Russell’s and Taylor’s marriage—it’s what he says, she says, and what the real truth is. So who knows what’s going on in that relationship.”

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