Now that was a season premiere. In one hour,”Vampire Diaries” gave viewers shocking death scenes, hot sex, true romance, inadvertent bromance, laugh out love clips, the slow torture of one those insufferable Camdens from “7th Heaven” and naked Damon (Ian Somerhalder). All in all, Elena (Nina Dobrev) managed to have the worst 18th birthday ever.
Meet The Ripper
The episode opens with Klaus (Joseph Morgan) compelling a woman who is too smart to fall for his Ted Bundy-esque request to borrow her phone inside her house. He resorts to violence to gain entry. Then, after her to reveal where her friend Ray is, he summons Stefan (Paul Wesley) to finish her and her roommate off, ordering him to kill one quickly and make the other one suffer. Klaus leaves. Does the “good vampire” let them go? No, he murders them with relish. Stefan’s nickname wasn’t the Ripper because he was a big fan of Giles from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
Watch Executive Producer Julie Plec Explain The Episode:
Meanwhile, Damon is still sleeping with Andie, the local news reporter he compelled to love him. He’s first seen drinking champagne in a bathtub. When he gets out to replenish his glass, he walks in on Elena. She pretends she didn’t enjoy seeing him naked. Elena is trying to track down Stefan with help from Sheriff Forbes, and shares the news that Klaus might be in Tennessee. Little does she know that Damon knows all about Stefan’s crime spree and has decided not to tell her.
Damon and Alaric (Matt Davies) find the women that Stefan killed. They were decapitated, then their heads were placed back on their necks. Damon explains that was Stefan’s m.o. He ripped their heads off, then felt remorse and put them back together again. Creepy! This would make a great “Criminal Minds” crossover. They find an underground room with chains and realize that there was a werewolf living in the house.
Klaus and Jeremy find Ray at a bar. He’s played by a hirsute David Gallagher. Simon from “7th Heaven” is all grown up and looks like a scruffy humanities grad student. Klaus demands that Ray take him to his pack. His goal is to create an army of wolf-vampire hybrids. Ray is not about to divulge that information, so he and Stefan torture him by using him as a dartboard. It’s gruesome. A waitress tells them that Damon came by earlier. Stefan persuades Klaus that he knows how to make Damon leave them alone.
When Damon goes to the television station to meet Andie, he finds that Stefan has compelled her to stand on a high ledge. Stefan tells Damon to let him go. Then he orders Andie to jump, grabbing Damon so he can’t catch her when she falls. Andie dies on impact. Was that worse than Damon killing Lexi in Season 1? On one hand, Andie is an innocent human, on the other Stefan cared far more about Lexi.
Klaus forces Ray to drink his blood, then kills him so that he will wake up as a hybrid. Klaus calls Stefan out on still caring about Damon, and driving him away so he will stay safe.
Unhappy Birthday, Elena
Elena is turning 18. Damon gives Elena the necklace she lost. Elena-Damon shippers go crazy as he fastens it around her neck. Caroline (Candice Accola) insists on throwing Elena a huge party at the Salvatore house. The Mystic Falls High students do exactly what teens given unfettered access to a mansion would do: drink all of Damon’s expensive booze, and hook up. Damon plays chaperone, compelling people to drink the cheap liquor. Teens must be extra annoying to someone who is over a century old.
Elena finds Damon’s war room, full of articles about Stefan and Klaus’s crime spree. She confronts Damon when he returns home after his encounter with Stefan. He tells her that Stefan has been doing the killing not Klaus.
A devastated Elena returns home to find that Ric, the sole adult in their household, is moving out. He tells her that he’s a lousy role model and now that she’s 18 she can take care of herself and Jeremy. Poor Elena!
Stefan calls Elena using a phone with blocked caller I.D. When she picks up, he doesn’t say anything. She realizes it’s him and says, “I love you. Hold onto that. Never let it go.” This scene is heartbreaking. Elena is the most understanding girlfriend ever.
Jeremy Sees Dead People
Jeremy is still seeing his dead vampire ex-girlfriends. He has not told anyone, instead dealing with it by smoking weed. After everything he’s been through, the guy is entitled to self-medicate. At Elena’s party, Matt smokes with him. The ghosts of Jeremy’s exes do a good job of keeping him from driving home wasted. So he and Matt, whose friendship seems slightly homoerotic, walk to the Gilbert house and eat a lot of ice cream. Jeremy finally confides that he’s been seeing Vicki. Matt doesn’t want to believe that there are ghosts in Mystic Falls.
Speaking of Werewolf-Vampire Hybrids…
Caroline and Tyler have spent the summer insisting that they are just friends. They have a hilarious conversation about how horny they have both been since becoming supernatural creatures. Finally, after getting drunk at Elena’s birthday party, they give into their urges, with one of the steamiest sex scenes this show has ever had. Only the lack of actual boob and butt shots separate this from “True Blood.” As Caroline does the walk of shame out of the Lockwood house, Mayor Lockwood shoots her in the back with vervaine tipped bullets. Whoa. When and how did she figure out Caroline was a vampire?
“His hatred of me has driven him to drugs.” – Caroline, on Matt’s newfound love of ganja.
“I am everyone’s worst nightmare. I am the chaperone teacher from hell.” – Alaric, on being the adult at the party.
“Stefan is gone and he’s not coming back. Not in your lifetime.” – Damon, to Elena