Last night’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” took to the slopes as the ladies packed their Louis Vuitton suitcases and flew out for a weekend ski trip to Camille’s Beaver Creek lodge in the Colorado mountains. (Lisa later referred to everyone as “creeky beavers,” but we actually think she was speaking innocently. Ahem.)
Sibling, friendship, and marital issues bubbled underneath the gang’s happy exteriors of flirting with the local mountain men (they shockingly had a full set of teeth), wearing Dr. Zhivago and Fleetwood Mac hats, and ragging on cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater, Kelsey, to pass the time.
For almost a full hour, we were cognizant of the fact we were being dished out lighthearted fluff with a little bit of pup porn to boot—did anybody wince at Lisa and Gigmeister’s juicy mouth-to-mouth farewell? And then seemingly out of nowhere, in the last three minutes, a scary moment of depth emerged! The foreshadowing of Taylor’s unraveling—her Russell-induced breakdown—shot up like an ugly weed.
Catch Up On Last Week’s Premiere:
Check out the all the edited details right here…
Because Camille is being forced to sell her Colorado castle-cabin per her divorce settlement, she invites the ladies for one last hurrah (and one last F-You to Kelsey-cakes)!
After an airplane ride full of girly giggles, pranks, and flight attendant butt-punching (we will not speak of the blasphemous fact that they were riding coach), the ladies hop into their limo and discover they will be riding for four long hours together!
If Kim’s sudden incessant yapping isn’t enough to make all the ladies’ cheek implants melt, Kyle makes the unfortunate decision to ask Lisa if Ken is mad at her from the dinner party debacle. Lisa tells her he certainly is and that he’s entitled to his opinion that therapy is a sign of weakness, dammit.
In an attempt to assert herself via instruction of her therapist, Taylor butts in. “But no one asked his opinion,” she states with aggression. But foolish Puffer Lips speaks too soon—doesn’t she know you can’t mess with a tired, Giggy-less Brit? “I don’t think you have to ask somebody’s opinion when you’re sitting at a dinner party,” Lisa declares coldly. “Maybe you need to have this argument with him—end of story, ya know?”
Once they arrive, the butt-numbed ladies hop out of the car and embrace Camille with such delight, we believe for a moment they actually like her.
After they get their rooms situated, they all go out to dinner and immediately Camille starts riffing on Kelsey, calling him “that hairy lug,” referring to his back hair as “barnacles,” and his need to get a “manscaping” every so often. All this pubic talk makes Kim visualize Camille shaving Kelsey’s dangly parts, and no big surprise, she loses her appetite, as we do ours.
After a morning of flirting with the ski concierge and stuffing their grubby man feet in shiny ski boots, the gals head to the mountains to ski and pummel their faces with hot chocolate chip cookies.
While the other ladies rest their rubbery faces from the strenuous act of emoting on the slopes, Kyle and Taylor lounge in the steaming jacuzzi.
“I spent pretty much my whole life alone,” reveals Taylor. “I didn’t get married until I was 34.” She tells Kyle she’s full of resentment and that her therapist told her it takes about a year to get over the negative emotions. She begins to cry, and it’s the first time we notice how large one’s head and lips can appear if one stops eating due to stress.
When Kyle asks why she’s resentful, Taylor becomes annoyingly evasive and just replies that she’s tired. “I want so badly to make it work,” she cries, professing her love for Russell.
“I wouldn’t be fighting for something that’s not worth fighting for, to be honest,” says Kyle.
Guess Bravo couldn’t edit out that last statement.
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