Sunday night’s episode of “True Blood,” “Spellbound,” begins on an anti-climatic note. Jason (Ryan Kwanten) gets to Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) in time to stop her from self-immolating by walking into the sun. Antonia’s (Fiona Shaw) spell ends. The total body count: one, Mrs. Fortenberry’s vampire neighbor. Antonia needs to figure out how to battle the 21st century’s infinitely more sophisticated vampires. But the episode, builds, oh does it build.
After a narcissistic dream about leaving Hoyt (Jim Parrack), who professes that life without her is not worth living, Jessica decides to do it for real – for Jason. The actual Hoyt finds the prospect of a life without an increasingly dysfunctional relationship to be rather pleasant. Hoyt brutally un-invites her from his house, saying he deserves better than a woman who is going to be a virgin for eternity and professing to want a life of kids and sunlight. So a distraught Jessica rushes to Jason. He, feeling for his lifelong best friend, decides bros before vamp hos, and un-invites her as well. Apparently, getting gang-raped by werepanthers imbued Jason with integrity.
Oh, did you want to know about Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard)? Fine. After spending hours silvered while Antonia’s spell was in effect, Eric is weak and hungry. Sookie lets him feed from her. Eric makes a stigmata in his hand and gets Sookie to drink from it so they “will be one.” Their relationship continues to be an x-rated “Twilight” as they have the shower scene fans have clamored for, with Sookie describing his blood as a miracle. The camera gets a little too close to their tongues while they kiss. Sookie hallucinates that her bed is outside in the snow. They have sex in the winter wonderland. They have cheesy dialogue about how they love each other and all is possible. When they come out of it, they are in Sookie’s normal bed. Eric wants to run away with her. Sookie thinks he needs to stay and fight Antonia instead of being a whiny beta male.
Antonia is angry that her spell only killed one vampire. Tara (Rutina Wesley) is on team, “Kill them all.” Antonia offers to teach her to cast spells. Bill (Stephen Moyer) phones Antonia, apologizing for her being burned at the stake during the Inquisition. He wants a truce. She agrees to meet him at the cemetery.
The wolf pack leader, Marcus (Dan Buran), vows that the wolves will stay out of the vampire/witch war. A Teen Wolf (hee) picks a fight with another pack member. Alcide breaks it up. Marcus think Alcide has leadership potential. Debbie (Crystal Norris) tells him that he needs to stay away from Sookie because she is always with vampires, which has nothing to do with her being incredibly jealous of Sookie and aware that Alcide wants to howl at the moon with her. He promises to stay away.
Sam (Sam Trammell) persuades Luna (Janina Gavankar) to give him a second chance, explaining he disowned Tommy (Marshall Allman). Luna’s daughter Emma seems to like Sam a little too much. It turns out that Marcus the Pack Leader is Emma’s father. He does not like Sam spending time with Emma. He is rather menacing. Emma’s Sam crush starts to make more sense. Luna threatens to call his parole officer. It’s awesome when stories weave together.
Tommy skinwalks as Mrs. Fortenberry and sells her land for $5700 to the natural gas company. That will show her! Tommy as Mrs. Fortenberry was hilarious. He swore, he drank beer. He made no attempt whatsoever to accurately mimic her behavior.
The story of Arlene (Carrie Preston), Terry (Todd Lowe), and their baby’s evil possessed doll becomes the poor man’s Toni Morrison novel. Lafayette dreams about the Creole woman who is possessing the doll. She had a baby with a married white man. He told her that her baby died and refused to let it have a funeral because he does not want anyone to find out about their affair. The spirit possesses Lafayette. Lady Lafayette kidnaps the baby.
Finally, it’s time for the showdown at the cemetery. Antonia, Tara and the wiccans face off against Bill, Sookie, Pam (Kristin Bauer) and Eric. Bill promises that the vampires will leave the witches alone if she removes the spells against Eric and Pam. Antonia starts to cast a spell. Bill’s guards point a laser at her. Eric rips the heart out of one of the witches. Hey, AmnesiEric can fight! Antonia casts another spell, while Eric runs wild. Eric ends up facing off against Antonia. She casts a spell that makes him retract his fangs and does who knows what else. Pam steals Tara’s gun and is about to bite her when Bill forbids her from ever harming Tara. Sookie gets shot in the melee. Alcide, who heard the commotion, sweeps in like a giant, sexy, knight in shining armor and whisks her away. Sookie: aspirational fantasy figure for women or the biggest Mary Sue on television? Discuss among yourselves.