Now that we’ve finished puking over the crocodile-teared confessions of Emily Maynard, Chris Harrison has jumped into the love trenches once again to give us another upcoming “Bachelor Updates” installment—this time with the ever-happy weight-fluctuating coupledom of Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez. Awww, der so cute!
In Defense of the Little One. For those of you who are hatin’ on Ashley Hebert because of the Bentley Williams debacle, “Bachelor” authorities Ali and Roberto are saying “Back the freak off!” You just don’t know what it’s like to be the Bachelorette unless you step into Ashley Boo’s dancing shoes.
Oh, the Pressure to Matrimonialize. Ali and Roberto yap about the ongoing public pressure of tying the knot asap, but they plan on taking their sweet time, stank you very much. (Besides, people: What reality couple wouldn’t drag out their engagement if they knew it’d keep them relevant for another 15?)…Cynical, cynical us.