Last night’s “Real Housewives of Orange County” reunion was like pouring acid on an already festering wound. There were hardly any laughs—just a lot of snarling, accusations of backstabbing, and poor Andy Cohen being forced to wear his serious face for longer than he (or we) are used to. However, amid all the dissension, the ladies did seem to agree on a few things: They all came to the final taping with super greased-up gams, swollen lips, and big hair.
Check out some of the top highlights down below:
- V Is For…? “I think it’s part of the body we don’t need to talk about it,” said Vicki, who’s referring to the clinical term used for a woman’s cha cha. So what did she suggest? How do you like “bagina” for starters? The rest of the gals dismissed it immediately, saying it sounded too much like “buttgina.” She also offered the term “pink parts,” but nobody found that appealing, either. Do you blame them? Ewww.
- Bubblicious? Some thought Tamra’s breathy-hot-and-heavy bathtub scene with the Ed-meister was just too much—including Alexis, who condemned Tamra for the possibility that her kids saw her naughty time. But Tamra corrected Mrs. High and Mighty, saying that her children have been “court-ordered not to watch Bravo,” which in turn freaked Andy out with giddy amusement. Needless to say, Tamra unhesitatingly admitted she’s going through a mid-life crisis.
- Love Tank Is Full. Although Vicki’s going through the grueling process of dividing her assets with her soon-to-be ex Don and her 20-something year-old kids kinda hate her guts for leaving the only father they’ve known—at least the woman is getting some action. The career-obsessed Housewife has already found time to get some lovin’ from a Southern gent named Brooks, father of four. Hilarious moment to note: Andy shocked Vicki when he lied and told her that Brooks was at the studio and invited him on stage.
- Don’s Demand. “Vicki should feel bad that she hurt me…a marriage and a man should be treated with dignity…and I deserve both,” said Don in a pre-recorded scene. While Tamra cried buckets at the sight of the ole fella—which caused her to look even more evil—Vicki took a little bit longer to shed a few crocodile tears. However, she confessed she had lost her passion for Don Juan and that she “was an iceberg” to him.
- Alexis Gone Medieval. “Why do some viewers think your marriage is medieval?” Andy asked rhetorically. But perhaps Andy should’ve prefaced the question by first making sure Alexis knew what the word “medieval” meant. Regardless, the duck-lipped blond answered the host by offering a strange rose garden analogy that left everyone scratching their heads. As for subservient matters, Mrs. Medieval bluntly reiterated her previous statements that a woman is meant to kowtow to her husband and shouldn’t try to do manly man things—like running for president.
- Jim’s Enjoys the Journey. What could Jimbo have possibly been doing that was more important than being stuck to his wife’s hip and attending Peggy’s dinner party? Apparently, he was at a Journey concert. Don’t Stop! Believing!
- It’s the Money, Gretch. “I don’t know if I believe in marriage anymore,” claimed Gretchen when asked why she wouldn’t marry Slade. But we’ll actually have to agree with Tamra on this one: It’s cuz he got no money, honey. Come on—keep it real, girl.
- Quote of the Night. “Holy sh-t, Gretchen! Is your a– jealous of the sh-t that comes out of your mouth?!” screamed Tamra about her frenemy’s “evil b-tch” comment from the first episode. (Accompanied by the expletive-filled exclamation was an awkward silence and Andy’s priceless ‘Oh, no she di-in’t’ expression.) “Yes!” finally replied Gretchen, although she wasn’t sure how to respond.
Highlights From Part Deux of the Reunion:
Peggy explains, Alexis defends! Jeana Keough hits the hotseat and uses up all the Kleenex! Gretchen and Vicki exchange swipes! Slade slams a spiteful Tamra with a BJ comment!
Catch the final showdown next Sunday on Bravo at 9/8c.