Paris Hilton wants you to take her seriously. The party girl wants you to think she’s changed. She wants you to like her.
If you tuned in to the debut of “The World According to Paris” Wednesday night on Oxygen, it’s unlikely that your opinion was swayed. [As it turns out, not many of you did watch - the series premiere drew just 409,000 viewers, according to EW.]
This, her third reality series, is being promoted by Paris herself as depicting “the real her.” (Really???) If that were truly her intention, it’s unfortunate how miserably she has failed. Spoiled, vain, and utterly out of touch, Hilton comes across as unlikable as ever.
With her crop of petite animal accessories in tow, Hilton peels around Beverly Hills in a hot-pink Bentley, has a party posse that includes Charlie Sheen’s drug addicted ex-wife Brooke Mueller, trash talks her friends’ friends and makes a mess of other people’s homes and refuses to clean up after herself. I guess that’s the “real” Paris. Charming, isn’t it?
Here are some other gems from the first episode:
Community Disservice: Paris has to be dragged out of bed by her assistant to perform just two hours of her 200-hour community service sentence for that “little incident in Vegas,” which she says “sucks balls.” Clearly, hard time, or even easy time, has not humbled her. On the way she wondered sarcastically, “Am I going to be working with, like, convicts and, like, prison people? … Awesome.” She also thought it appropriate to wear Louboutin heels to community service duty, then fretted over getting paint on them. Paris also asked with a straight face if she can count double the hours if she has her assistant perform her community service with her.
Pot, This Is Kettle…: Paris, she of the infamous sex tape, is unhappy to learn her new assistant writes porn scripts on the side – and tries to have her mother Kathy Hilton fire the otherwise competent girl (whom Paris refers to as “Miss Horn Ball”). In another instance, Paris allows the cameras to film her in the bath tub, then complains about the media invading her life – “Every time I leave the house, paparazzi are there blinding me with flash bulbs” – and later, the fame-lover instructs the assistant to sort her fan mail into three piles, saving the freaks/inmates/stalkers section for her because “those are her favorite to read.”
Demurely Detached: She says ridiculous things like, “It’s not my fault if people are obsessed with me,” when trying to talk her way out of getting caught texting an old flame by her new beau Cy Waits. Or how “the baby voice has always gotten me what I wanted,” as long as it comes with a lip-glossed pout and a twirl of her bleach-blonde extensions. Sorry, but that’s not hot.
All About Paris: As the episode opens, Paris is shaken by the arrest of a stranger who broke into her home. She decides she can’t stay there and makes her mother ask her sister Nicky if she can shack up with her – temporarily mind you. She then proceeds to have a hot-pink moving truck pull up to her sister’s home and completely re-decorates the place in something more Paris style – swaths of pepto-bismol pink everywhere, of course. She also made sure to bring along dozens of self-portraits and glamour shots of herself to hang on the walls.
As she turns 30 this year and considers growing up (as she says in the intro to the show), it seems that Paris Hilton hasn’t learned a damn thing.
“The World According to Paris” airs Wednesday nights at 10/9c on Oxygen.
Watch the Series Premiere of Hilton’s Show Here and Decide for Yourself: