The Countess (Dahling!) said it best when describing her “friend” Ramona Singer: She’s “Pinot-Polar.” You never know which side you’re gonna get.
On last night’s “Real Housewives of NYC,” Ramona demonstrated that her infamous Crazy Eyes aren’t just for the catwalk—she uses them in every social situation, along with a forceful enunciation of every word that spills out of her mouth as if she’s practicing an advanced level of facial exercise.
Check out the tsunami of Ramotionalisms that went down last night:
LuAnn Dahling invites the ladies to her house in the Hamptons, and before she’s able to savor her high-class guacamole and shrimp cocktails, Ramona walks in frazzled (Crazy Eyes in full effect) from her traffic-filled trip from Manhattan and randomly begins to insult her host’s mothering skills. Of course, The Countess is agitated and tells the cameras that she finds her blond guest acting barbarically “low class.”
The next day, as the gals are walking their dogs for charity, Ramona confides to LuAnn about her embarrassing situation at the Hamptons wedding where she started potty-mouthing Cindy Barshop’s brother, Howie, for acting—in her opinion—rude and disrespectful to the memory of her late best friend, whose wife is now dating Howie. As she’s describing the situation, she begins to hyperventilate and then explodes into tears. Being the classy cheri that LuAnn is, she tries to comfort her by giving advice on how to deal with him at Cindy’s birthday party, all the while feeling like she’s talking to an amnesiac freak who’s apparently forgotten all the heaping insults she threw at her the night before.
When The Ramona Coaster arrives at Cindy’s party, she’s alarmed that she can’t find her Pinot. After incessantly demanding her white fermented grapes and almost giving Cindy a heart attack for it, she careens over to Kelly, who—aside from making sand angels at the beach to avoid all sense of reality—also uses kids to shield herself from very bad things (i.e. the sight of Miss Turtle Dance).
Flabbergasted as to why Kelly’s acting as if she’s “Freddy Krueger,” what does Ramona do to remedy the situation? She gets up in the giant’s grill. As Kelly and Cindy discuss an upcoming brunch that Ramona is clearly not invited to, the blond clandestinely hides her demonic eyes behind her shades before she ravages her skittish prey!
“So thanks for inviting me—I invite you to everything, Kelly. I extend myself,” says Ramona with the nastiest sarcastic ‘tude she can muster. (The flip of her hair manages to make the situation even more nasty-cakes!)
Oh, but the Ramoniac’s not done wreaking havoc. She whirls on over to Howie and aggressively confronts him in an attempt to “clear the air.” But just like Jelly Bean Kelly, Howie avoids her like the plague. Before The Tasmanian Devil has a meltdown in front of Cindy and Howie’s fragile 85-year-old pappy, Cindy leaps into the madness and pulls her psycho friend aside, screaming “Absolutely not!”
“Okay, okay, okay…” replies Ramona, sounding like Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon. “Look my hands are shaking,” she says to an unsympathetic Cindy, as she lifts her trembling digits and bursts into tears for a second time. Having pulled up her shades off her face, Ramona reveals she’s not wearing any make-up—which seemingly makes her look even more mental.
In the end, Cindy calms her frenzied guest by holding her close and like a parent to a child, distracts her by having Miss Pinot-Polar concentrate on the dreadful veggie dip lying on the picnic table. In an attempt to be obedient, Ramona dives into the dip convo with the Patti Smith look-alike while secretly hoping her favorite bubbly is nearby to ease the pain.
Can someone get her a damn Pinot already?