Shows tend to bring out the big guns for post-Super Bowl episodes, but I’m betting Fox’s “Glee” is the first to bring in an actual human canon. Was the Sue-clear weapon –- not to mention the flame-wielding cheerleaders -– enough to wow a super-sized audience?
Wait! I’m not saying the episode was a loser–it attracted an average of 26.8 million viewers in that post-Super Bowl time-slot–but it’s just that the circus-worthy stunts weren’t necessary. Since when does “Glee” open with a musical number not sung by cast members? This pyro-tastic opener featured a bunch of faces we’ve never seen before and care nothing about. It was obviously a stunt to entrap lingering football viewers, but it lacked the heart that usually drives the show forward. Next time they can leave the light shows to the Black Eyed Peas and just be the show they’re good at being.
The last time we saw Sue, her heart had grown three sizes. It seems the love transplant was temporary, and even raccoon hormones aren’t helping her feel the zest of life. The only thing Sue can find inspiration in –- well, besides track suit couture –- is shooting a dimwitted girl across a football field. So naturally that’s the one thing Schue makes sure is taken away from her.
As far as Schue was concerned, the glee club was maxed out on ridiculous stunts for the week. He and Coach Beiste had just teamed up to force the football players to join New Directions. They figured if the guys could see what glee was all about, they’d stop harassing the singers on the team and just all get along.
BTW, how cute was Dot-Marie Jones (Coach Beiste) lip-syncing to Lady Antebellum while the kids were singing? Big ol’ softie.
Anyway, the jocks aren’t sold on the coolness of glee, but they don’t have a choice and are sent off to zombie camp to learn the ways of foot-dragging grooves. Mr. Schue has picked a zombie-themed mash-up for them to perform at their championship game’s halftime show.
Whoa, the football team has to perform its own halftime show? YUP. After Schue foiled Sue’s canon plan, she arranged for the Cheerios to be at a competition instead of the big game, so they couldn’t provide entertainment at halftime. At first the jocks were up for it, but then they got slushied by some hockey players (jocks with sticks) and decided to quit the team.
The plot of this episode seemed more and more like something Zach Morris would have cooked up at Bayside High. First the football players have to perform, then the girls join the football team … all that was missing was a good, clean after-game party at the Max.
But the absurdity is what makes the show fun. They already have a kid in a wheelchair on the football team, so why not throw in some girls? Besides, it didn’t work. The girls were a massive failure. If it weren’t for the power of song and dance that brought the team together at halftime, everything would have been ruined!
So there was lots of high-stakes flip-flopping going on here. Quinn, Santana, and Brittany resigned from New Directions, but then they turned on Sue and quit the Cheerios for good. That led to Sue being crowned Loser of the Year by Katie Couric (in a terrific cameo appearance), a title not even Sparky Lohan could take from her.
And let’s not forget that kiss at the end! Quinn, who you may recall is wearing a promise ring from Sam, puckered up with Finn after he’d spent the week being all heroic and sweet. Does Finn love Rachel or Quinn, does Quinn love Sam or Finn –- who will be getting cozy on Valentine’s Day?!?
MOST VALUABLE PLAYS:
Best Musical Number: It probably wasn’t the best sung number of the night, but I’ll give it to “Thriller/Heads Will Roll” for fun costumes and an extra nice job by Santana.
Best Sue-ism: “Sandbags, slap yourself with a chicken cutlet. Now slap Brittany.”
Best Brittany Line: “Glee club and the football team together is like a double rainbow. A zombie double rainbow.”
Outstanding New Gleek: Lauren “You’re Gonna Die” Zizes is still the all-important twelfth member of the club, which means Brittany has some competition for deadpan one-liners. (No, there can never be too many of those.)
Worst Number: Darren Criss may be a dreamboat, but he needs to stay out of Kurt’s spotlight! His “Bills, Bills, Bills” with the Dalton Warblers was performed well enough, but the episode would have lacked nothing if the number had been skipped altogether.
Biggest Jerkface: Karofsky seemed to have a breakthrough moment when he decided to boogie on the football field … and then he lost it. I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of his bullying.
Watch the Entire Episode of “The Sue Sylvester Shuffle” on xfinityTV.com