As if taking a hiatus to heal from a plastic surgery procedure, the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” finally returned last night with a much-anticipated eppy and commenced with its two never-ending sagas: Camille and Kyle’s air-kissing frenemy-ship, and Taylor’s problem with being married to a number-crunching Living Dead.
As for Kyle and Mauricio’s annual White Party, it was like seeing a cult waiting to be summoned to heaven—or a more hygiene friendly interpretation would be—it looked like an expensive Charmin commercial. Other first impressions: Taylor was looking particular chilled (if you know what we mean) in her skimpy white-slitted top, while Adrienne seemingly stepped off a war ship from the Roman Empire. And then there was the king of white hotness: The Jig-meister, scantily clad in his Miami Vice duds. (Can you hear the sizzle? We can.)
Before we digress further, let’s hit up Camille and Kyle first…
Love Love? Don’t Read Into It
Bored out of her mind and looking for a reason to show off her body, Camille decides to have a couple’s tennis party.
After Camille locks lips with neighbor Nick in front of his grimacing wife and plays a few matches with the boys (Nick, Paul, Mauricio), the blondie host floats around in a black bikini in the pool, using her implants as a floating device for all the men to see. Kyle rolls her eyes and says that her Frenemy #1 is just trying to show off, and to detract attention away from her, cannon balls into the water with her Copacabana clothes on!
“It’s just female jealousy,” states Camille.
At the White Party, Camille presents Kyle with what she claims is “a joke.” Whatever could it be? A book entitled “How to Behave and Why.” In a Botox-defying feat, Kyle manages to raise her eyebrows and look agitated as Camille snorts with laughter. The brunette is not amused.
Problems Problems, How Can Taylor Solve Them?
If you were to ask Taylor, she’d say her problem is that she has a white man who can’t (and won’t) dance at a white party. But we know that her real issue is that her self-esteem is sagging more than Camille’s cheek implants.
During the festivities, Taylor sulks while munching on french fries and tries to give Russell a hint that she wants to dance. Russell, on the other hand, is seen downing a beer by himself in front of the Fatburger stand. (That vision should be illustration enough to understand we’ve got a marriage that’s as healthy as fast-food.)
It doesn’t help that no matter where Taylor’s eyeballs dart to avoid her miserable situation, there Kyle and Mauricio are, competing at a game of snuggle bunny. While Russell is staring down at the pool having an enthusiastic conversation about stocks with his reflection, Taylor watches the lovely twosome dance the night away. Unfortunately, one of the saddest moments of the night is when she sees Mauricio take a momentary pause from doing the Running Man to tell his wifey that he loves her. Awww, we say. Waaah, she says.
Eventually, Russell says he’s ready to go home to make love to his Excel spreadsheet. In a small act of defiance, Taylor stays at the party for an extra 10 minutes to complain to Kyle before rushing back home to massage her hubby’s feet. You go, girl!
So what do you think of these two issues? Who’s got it worse – Taylor and Russell or Kyle and Camille?