“How do you embarrass a man who so thoroughly embarrasses himself?”
Roasting David Hasselhoff is almost too easy, Comedy Central proved Sunday night. Official Roast Master Seth MacFarlane (‘Family Guy‘) set the tone early for the flame broiling saying: “I am here to salute the greatest cartoon character of all time, David Hasselhoff.”
Among the roasters for ‘The Hoff’ – the 58-year-old star of ‘Baywatch,’ ‘Knight Rider‘ and pop star in Germany – were Pamela Anderson, Hulk Hogan, Lisa Lampanelli, Jerry Springer (his costar on ‘America’s Got Talent‘), Gilbert Gottfried and George Hamilton (ghost of Hoff future?).
Some of the highlights, with (NSFW) clips -n- quotes that definitely require headphones (like maybe your headphones should wear headphones):
10. Lampanelli on Hasselhoff’s alcoholism – “David Hasselhoff’s liver is so black it’s f—-d two of the Kardashian sisters.”
9. Most of Gottfried’s lines aren’t printable, but he hammered the Holocaust theme. On The Hoff’s record sales in Germany: “Like a lot of stories out of Germany, those numbers are probably inflated, if not a complete hoax.”
8. Giraldo: “You’re so drunk, when alcohol does its taxes, it lists you as a dependent.”
7. Comedian Whitney Cummings delivered her usual scathing, racist, sexist, brutal routine, which you’ll just have to watch for yourself.
6. Pam Anderson: “I remember my first year of ‘Baywatch,’ because I can’t swim. But David was so sweet. He pulled me aside and said, ‘I can’t act.’”
5. The Hoff struck back with a few good lines, including telling Gottfried that he could be his twin, if he had a twin brother and he died in the womb. Then, to the roasters: “If a bomb were to hit the stage tonight the world would lose… a bomb.” http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=350371&title=preview-david-hasselfhoff
4. Springer: “This is embarrassing. I’m just glad your career’s not alive to see this. In your whole life, you’ve never been in anything good…except Pamela Anderson.”
1. & 2. Perennial Roast king Jeffrey Ross, who took the stage wearing a Speedo and a leather jacket and lip synching to The Hoff’s ‘Looking for Freedom.’ Then he unloaded:
On ‘Knight Rider’: “What a lucky break. What are the odds an alcoholic gets cast in a show about a car that drives itself?”
“How’s that chain of all-you-can-eat-off-the-floor restaurants coming along?”
On the similarities between Hasselhoff and Anderson: “They both made embarrassing videos with meat stuffed in their mouths.”
And … “Finally, a Jew gets to roast a German.”
The uncensored ‘Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff’ will re-air tonight at midnight and Friday and Saturday at 10 p.m. It’s also available for download today on iTunes, xBox Live Marketplace, Zune, PlayStation, and Amazon.com.
Who was your favorite? Did anyone go too far?