Sue Sylvester’s 20 Best Lines From ‘Glee’

by | June 4, 2010 at 12:29 PM | Glee

Jane Lynch stars as Sue Sylvester on 'Glee.'  (Fox)

Jane Lynch stars as Sue Sylvester on 'Glee.' (Fox)


Has a TV character ever been as simultaneously mean and as lovable as ‘Glee¹s Sue Sylvester?

You know the answer.

A pussycat disguised as a lioness, her ego-maniacal attitude and cut-throat insults have endeared her to millions of Gleeks who see beyond her seemingly heartless ways and know that she would kill– ¬ or at least maim– ¬ anyone who tried to harm one strand of her beloved Cheerios’ pompoms.

Forget a guardian angel. Everyone should have a Sue Sylvester in their lives. If you saw the latest episode, you know that Mr. Shu feels that way, even if he did stand her up. By the end, Sue was back to her old self, using a megaphone to bark orders at her maid and taking her Cheerios to their 6th straight national championship.

Inspired and in love ourselves ¬and dreading next week¹s season finale – we picked out our 20 favorite Sylvesterisms from this year. Let us know yours.

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1. You think this is hard? Try waterboarding. That’s hard! (Episode 1, Pilot)

2. Sue: Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.
Will: I don’t menstruate.
Sue: Neither do I. (Episode 2, Showmance)

3. I’ll often yell at homeless people: ‘Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.’ (Episode 4, Preggers)

4. Are you just saying that because I poked a couple of kids’ eyes out before second period? (Ep. 15, The Power of Madonna)

5. I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one. (Episode 7, Throwdown)

6. I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me. (Ep. 7)

7. You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard. (Episode 9, Wheels)

8. All I want is just one day a year when I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. (Episode 12, Mattress)

9. While they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn’t using them. (Ep. 12)

10. (Said to Mr. Schu): You’ll be adding revenge to the long list of things you’re no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn’t look like a lesbian. (Episode 13, Sectionals)

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11. I thought I smelled cookies from the tears of the elves weeping that live in your hair. (Ep. 15, The Power of Madonna)

12. You think this hard. I’m passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard. (Ep. 15)

13. (To Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones): “How do you two not have a show on Bravo? (Episode 16, Home)

14. Mercedes, your vocal chords have had more fantastic runs than a Kenyan track team. (Ep. 16)

15. (To Mr. Schu): I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby’s ass. (Episode 17, Bad Reputation)

16. Nobody quits the Cheerios. You either die or I kick you off. (Episode 18, Laryngitis)

17. (To Kurt): “So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful. (Ep. 18)

18. And that gay terrorist went on to become the first gay president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. (Episode 21: Funk)

19. I’m all about finding a freakish depressed kid and showing them what winning’s all about. (Ep. 21)

20. You know, for me trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them but they just keep coming. Sue Sylvester has hourly flair ups of burning itchy highly contagious talent. (Ep. 21)