Letting go of ‘Lost‘ is going to be even harder than I thought, My Dear Losties, considering many of us live for this show.
“You should get your friends,” because as Jacob tells Hugo, “We’re very close to the end.” Gulp.
This jacked up penultimate episode of the bestest show in the history of evers restored faith by reminding fans that we don’t even need all those silly answers we’ve secretly known we’d never get, because this is damned entertaining as it is.
We got a little of everything in this warm-up for the endgame: Emotional moments, like an outraged Kate expressing grief over the loss of Sun, Jin, and Sayid. A heartbroken Sawyer expressing his guilt over feeling responsible for their demise, and in turn, relinquishing Jack from blame for the loss of Juliet. Big Bad Ben burst back on the scene, while Desmond’s Alt-Verse mission played like a scene from a Bond movie. There were clever Dead Lostie Cameos and a few more jaw-dropping ‘Oh my God, what the hell just happened?!’ moments.
To top it all off, The Last Recruit became The Candidate and was christened The New Jacob. My Dear Losties, this is huge. I think we need to take a moment, whip out a convenient cup from our backpacks and toast this special occasion!
Because trust me, who was ready for the….RICHAAAAARD! Oh Noes!!!! Did the Ageless Wonder seriously just go up in smoke!?! It seemed to me the ‘immortals’ needed to be stabbed with a special dagger in order to ‘move on,’ so I never pegged Richard for a victim of the Locke-Ness Monster. He’s not really dead, he just landed in Jack’s magic bamboo field and is doing his crazy giggles over the whole thing, RIGHT???
Now, in a death blow I did enjoy … did anyone else scream in delight and scare the neighbors when Not-Locke slashed Annoying Zoe’s throat?! Or was that just me?
And baddie businessman Charles Widmore getting blown away by Ben while hiding from the Smoke Monster?!? Classic. I thought the former leader of the Others was there to fight a war, not hide in a closet. Oh Benjamin Linus, how I’ve missed you. Welcome back to The Dark Side, Benji!
By the way, Jacob’s eternal flame is almost out. Thanks for the messed up memories, Jake.
Island Head Count: Jack, Sawyer, Kate, Hurley, Miles, Ben and Not-Locke are the ones still standing. So far.
P.S. Where’s Desmond (on island)? Where’s Claire (on island)? Where’s Eloise? Will she even care that her husband Mr. Widmore is deader than dead because whatever happened happened?
Why was Kate’s name crossed off The List in the Secret Bat Cave? Because she became a mother (satisfying answer)
How did Ben summon the Smoke Monster? He didn’t, it summoned him. (flimsy answer, but it’ll do)
Why did Widmore return to the island? Because Jacob invited him, after a little off-island visit that showed him the error of his ways. Whatever.
Why did Jacob choose to bring these particular people to the island?“Because you were all flawed. I chose you because you were like me. You were all alone. You were looking for something.” Sadsies. Except, every person in the world is flawed, so, again, why them?
Why did Desmond run over Locke? To help him ‘let go’
Why didn’t Sawyer let Kate go? Because he’s a cop
Does that red-headed chick [Charlotte] still hate Sawyer? You betcha
Jack makes a ruling on the most important meal of the day: Making cereal does not count as making breakfast, even if it’s served by your possibly fake teenage son David and features the only three seconds from your possibly crazy half-sister Claire in the whole episode. And Dad, don’t be weird with my Secret Mom at my concert tonight, seriously.
P.S. The episode opened with a shot of Jack’s eye, and this might be the first ‘eye’ perspective we’ve seen in the Alt-Verse. Interesting that the Alt-Verse reflection we got was of Ben Linus on the hood of the car, during Desmond’s memory-shaking Ben Bashing.
During campfire confessions with a not-alive but in-person Jacob, Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Hurley learn all kinds of fun things, like Jacob’s boo boo (turning his twin brother into a monster, whoops!), what the others died for (island sacrifice AGAIN?), why they have to protect the island (the hidden guiding light of the world), why they were chosen, why Kate doesn’t need to pout over a line of chalk and who’s next. P.S. It will end badly if they don’t choose. Because New Jack City is all about his Destiny these days, he steps up to the plate, much to the relief of Hurley, and much to the chagrin of Sawyer, who is pretty pissed they are all paying for Jake’s ‘mistake.’ Jack wonders how long he’ll have to do this ‘job’ as the new island babysitter and Protector of The Light. “As long as you can” Jacob says. I don’t really see Jack sitting inside the Four-Toed Statue playing backgammon with Claire’s fake skeletor bay-bee day in and day out, so I’m thinking something goes awry with this passing of the torch.
~Surprisingly, no one thinks the magical island candle that can never be blown out is as silly as I do. (Still love you though, Lost!) And nobody seemed alarmed that Jacob didn’t tell them HOW to kill the Smoke Monster either.
Let Love Rule
In the first Sideways World scenario I truly liked–and the music was amazing–we get Desmond and his bad twin working the Alt-Verse like he’s working a long con a la my TV husband Sawyer. Desmond goes back to the scene of ‘the incident,’ the school parking lot, where Dr. Linus had me rolling when he was trying to make a “citizen’s arrest” of the substitute teacher’s hit-and-run driver. Desmond explains he was just trying to help Locke ‘let go’ and then he lets go of some lingering resentment over the Penny incident at the docks and beats the living island daylights INTO Ben, delivering his ‘flash moments’ via fists of fury. Revenge and progress at the same time, so efficient.
Lost Tangent: Henry Ian Cusick forgot to fake one of those punches and gave Michael Emerson a real-life black eye, noticeable in later scenes.
The Oceanic 4 … or Ocean’s 11?
With a casual sophistication and devilish charm, Alt-Desmond reminded me of George Clooney rounding up his band of criminals in ‘Ocean’s 11.’ Mr. Hume nonchalantly walks into Sawyer’s police station and surrenders, where he is coincidentally locked up behind the same bars as Sayid ‘Not a Zombie’ Jarrah and Kate ‘I’m Totally Innocent’ Austen. While the trio is being ‘transferred to county,’ Desmond ‘recruits’ Sayid and Kate for a little mission and in exchange, he will ‘set them free.’ (Like out-of-handcuffs free? … Or dead free?) They just have to trust him, he says. Suuure we do, they say. I myself feel much better about the situation when I see Hurley’s yellow Hummer roll-up and discover he’s in cahoots with Desmond, whose bag of tricks involves a concert, a little black dress and a red Camaro (btw, it’s red, the color of DEATH. Ruh Roh?). The Lost Gang splits up with Sayid riding shotgun with Hurley and Desmond chauffeuring Kate. See you at the party!
Dead Lostie Cameo Alert! I thought Desmond’s driver Minkowski would be at the wheel of the jail transfer vehicle, but in a clever twist, it was long lost ‘Tailie’ Ana-Lucia, who pulls over (for the bargain price of $145,000 Hurley bucks) and lets the Lostie bandits loose so they can go enjoy a concert even though the end of the world is coming. Another fun cameo from Michelle Rodriguez, whose character is much more likable ever since she became dead.
*Is Ana-Lucia’s bending the law the reason she’s “not ready yet” per Desmond, when Hurley asks, “She’s not coming with us?” Hilarious exchange between the crooked cop and “Tubby,” who’s all like, “Sorry I’m late, dude. Hey Ana-Lucia! How have you been? … Oh wait, I forgot, I don’t know you…anyhoo…here’s your money!”
It’s Coq au Vin Night at the Rousseau House
Oh, look, it’s another Dead Lostie Cameo Alert. Bathed and sane, Danielle Rousseau cleans up real nice in the Alt-Verse. I barely recognize her without her rifle and island bedhead. We finally see her get to be the mommy, which is sweet. She picks up daughter Alex from school and invites a battered Dr. Linus over for dinner, because it’s coq au vin night. And she’s French. And she needs a man to cook for. EVEN IF SHE HAS TO KIDNAP YOU. Haha…good one, writers.
~Creepy factor creeps in: Dr. Linus is the closest thing Alex has to a father–same as Jacob was to Ilana. Except Ben and Alex’s teacher-student relationship seems icky on the same level as the questionable ‘relationship’ between step-siblings* Shannon and Boone. Just sayin.’ (*correction, Shannon Rutherford and Boone Carlyle were step-siblings, not half-siblings. Still weird. I knew this but it was early, sorry, Losties!)
Locke -N- Load
Not-Locke arrives on the Other Island in the outrigger Ready to Rumble and everyone freaks out. Their Master Plan is to RUN and HIDE. Miles runs away and the Widdy Bunch hides in the ‘secret room behind the bookcase’ in Ben’s house (also known as the location of Ben’s secret stash of C-4). In a brave-yet-stupid move, Richard, the non-mascara wearing Ageless Wonder, overplayed his hand and walked outside to ‘talk’ to the Man in Black and immediately gets smoked by the Smoke Monster. What a fantastic jolt that was! But if that’s really the end of our favorite 130-year-old Other Advisor, then that was a cheap shot, along the lines of Ilana going boom or whacking Lapidus on the sub, both characters who ended up having no real purpose.
Suddenly Not-Locke appears for a civilized chat about lies and lemonade on the porch with Ben. *Also: Why are they both wearing purple? Just wonderin.’ So, MIB told Ben that if he became his hit man and helped him go home, Ben could have the island all to himself. But at the end of the episode, Not-Locke says with an evil glint in his scarred eye, that he is going to destroy the island. Um, is that what the sunken island business is all about from the season premiere? Oh dear me, My Losties!
~OMG JACK IS OFFICIALLY THE NEW JACOB!
~OMG BIG BAD BEN IS BACK!
~OMG THEY KILLED WIDMORE!
~OMG THE SMOKE MONSTER ATE RICHARD! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
~OMG THEY FINALLY KILLED ANNOYING ZOE! YES!!!!!!!!!!!
~OMG BEN AND ROUSSEAU ARE TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER!
~The Mysterious Jacob finally revealing himself to Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Hurley for the first time, and the look on Hurley’s face when he realizes he’s not the only one who can see him for once
~Sawyer, Kate, Hurley and Jack staring with sadness across the sea as the red life preservers that didn’t save their friends washed ashore
~Sawyer, Kate and Hurley staring with sadness at Jack as he goes through the voodoo hocus pocus ritual to ‘inherit’ the island from Jacob. “Now they are the same.” Ruh Roh.
~The ‘moment’ between bromancers Jack and Sawyer, as the Super Candidate soothes the Bad Boy with the Heart of Gold over accidentally setting off the deadly bomb. “I killed them didn’t I?” Awe, no you didn’t Sawyer, THAT THING did. Even Jack said so.
~Ready, Set, Trust Me? Sayid and Kate’s make-a-break for it conversation with that charming “crazy person” Desmond, where we discover Ana-Lucia is the one busting them loose
~Ben selling out Widmore to Not-Locke in 2.2 seconds
~When Miles gets “wonky around dead people,” Richard revealed he buried Alex after Ben left. ‘Thank you, Richard.’ Chills.
“Well, I lived in these houses 30 years before you did. Otherwise known as last week. And I have no idea where the hell we are,” Miles to Ben on a jungle trek to gather more explosives. (Note: Charles Widmore reveals he’s the one who rigged the Ajira Jet.)
“If you need us, we’ll be running through the jungle,” Miles, looking to skedaddale because Smokey is coming
“He’s hiding in my closet,” Ben giving up Widmore to Not-Locke. (I don’t know why I found this terribly funny.)
“We have to kill him, Jack,” says Kate about Not-Locke. “I know,” Jack replies, as he ‘fixes’ her. Gooooo Losties!
“She’s armed, but I’m guessing that’s not a problem for you,” Ben to Not-Locke, heading into the ‘secreter room’ harboring Annoying Zoe and Chuck Widmore
“He doesn’t get to save his daughter,” a bug-eyed Ben to Not-Locke, after shooting Charles Widmore to death
“Ben, you never cease to amaze me,” Not-Locke to Ben, pretending not to be rattled by a suddenly rogue Ben
“Did you say there were some other people to kill?” Ben to Not-Locke, pretending not to be rattled by a suddenly rogue Ben
“We insist–even if we have to kidnap you,” inside jokes from Danielle when inviting Ben over for dinner in the Alt-Verse, the guy who kidnapped her baby Alex and raised her for 16 years on the island
“I think I’m ready to get out of this chair,” Mr. Locke to Dr. Shephard, finally deciding to ‘let go’ and have the spinal surgery
“You told her not to talk to me and that made her pointless,” Not-Locke to Chuck, after slitting Annoying Zoe’s throat. YES!!!!
“Do I know you, Tubby?” LAPD’s finest criminal cop, Ana-Lucia to Hurley, who pays her off in exchange for custody of the Desmond Bunch
“You see a kid run by here with ashes?” Hurley to Jacob, whose younger self just ran by and stole his ashes
”Nice not knowing you,” former ‘Tailie’ Ana-Lucia, who doesn’t recognize fellow plane crash survivor Hurley, but likes that he’s rich
“Nice knowing you,” Detective James Ford to jailbird Kate, after refusing to let her go free
~Why is it important for the Losties to remember Island Times? Jack and the gang are already trying to stop the Man in Black, so what is Desmond trying to do in the Alt-Verse? And what does the flight manifest have to do with it?
~What’s fake Oceanic airline employee voice Desmond going to do to Jack when he shows up to claim his dad’s missing coffin?
~Why is Desmond often near the docks and involved with sailboats and Not Penny’s Boats and water? What is that GIANT ship in the background when they pullover to make the Ana-Lucia ‘trade’–by the water? Are they building Noah’s Ark? Are we back to the Noah’s Ark Theory, Losties!? A special ‘structure’ was built on the ‘Lost’ set just for the series finale. Was it maybe a ship?
~Did Ben go back to the Dark Side? Perhaps he never left? Was that ‘redemption’ business just a ploy? Is he really on Team Man in Black now? Or he is faking it and plotting to save the Losties? Or is he just on Team Ben?
~Why is Alt-Jack the only survivor who isn’t catching Desmond’s drift? Why hasn’t he had his flash moment? Why isn’t he more suspicious of these insane coincidences? Why is he still mistaking fate for coincidence?
~Why does Jack still have a cut on his neck in the Alt-Verse, something he first noticed right after he un-crashed Flight 815? (Note: Daniel Faraday had a wound on his neck in the same spot just before he died on the island).
~Why does Not-Locke threaten to kill Penny? Why does everyone want to kill Penny? Where is Penny? Is she still running up and down the stadium stairs on the axis mundi???
~Where did Miles run off to? Why does he keep disappearing? Sure, he claims he just wanted to survive, but he broke Horror Movie Rule #4 again: NEVER SPLIT UP. He did the same thing during the Temple Massacre and just left Kate hanging.
~I’ve been assuming Sayid left the rope for Desmond in the well, but Fancast Losties remind us that Sayid instructed Jack to go to the well to save Des before he died. I thought he said that just as insurance in case Desmond was injured and couldn’t climb out on his own (he was tossed down there without warning!) Even with that perfectly sound logic and it wasn’t Sayid, I still don’t think it was Rose and Bernard. I’d vote for Claire first. Desmond and Claire did have some nice bonding in the Alt-Verse lately, so maybe she’s coming out of Crazytown and helping him on the island? I don’t know, I made that up.
~Jacob burns in fire twice. His body was kicked into the fire after Ben stabbed him, and here he burns his own ashes in the fire. Significant? Meaningless?
~Why is Desmond the ‘Fail-Safe’? Is it because he was the one to turn the fail-safe key in the hatch and is now electromagnetic resistant? I thought he was ‘The Package’ who’s impervious to supersonic donuts and Princess Leia CinnaBuns.
~ What is this big concert? How does it figure into The End? Is it a Driveshaft concert? Is it the Daniel Faraday classical pianist concert? Is it Jack’s son’s piano recital? Are they all the same party? Is it the same fateful Friday night when Dogen’s son (who played piano along with David) was killed? Is it for the ‘Human Fund’ charity event Hurley mentioned he was attending? Miles is even wearing a tie for the museum event.
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What did you think of the almost end of ‘Lost’? Five. More. Days. Sniffles…