Red alert, red alert! It seems like the Marlboro Man has lost his horse, has anyone seen it? Colby is the dreamy Marlboro man who rode into the Australian Outback like he had just galloped straight off the set of an old western movie. With his southern charm, hunky body, and “yes sir and yes ma’am” attitude, women all over the country went goo-goo for Colby. This season Colby seems to have forgotten his mojo and he is actually making me look bad, which is not cool. I was the one who alerted everyone that Colby is here to play hard and perform better then his last appearance on the All Stars. I hate being wrong and I hate when people give up. Let’s get one thing straight – there is a big difference between a quitter and someone who gives up. Unfortunately, I have the right to make this claim because I fit into the category of “quitter.” I decided to quit ‘Survivor: All-Stars’ in order to be closer to my mother, who ended up passing away from breast cancer seven days after I returned home. Quitting is when a player says, “I quit and I want to go home, please vote me out” or something to that effect. Quitters are not trying to play coy or be passive aggressive (I loathe passive aggressive people), quitters are up front about the choice to quit. On the other hand, a player who gives up actually a different mind set and completely different. In some ways I find the people who give up much more offensive than quitters because they are whiny and confused. Some examples of lines people use in ‘Survivor’ when giving up are the following.
1.) I know the tribe would be stronger without me
2.) I’m just not able to pull my weight at camp
3.) I’m dragging you guys down
4.) I’m OK with being voted off
5.) Lets not go behind each others backs, I know I am going home
6.) I will not be mad at you if you vote me off
7.) I understand
These famous lines have been used by those who give up. Shame on you. Over the 20 seasons of ‘Survivor,’ we have heard these lines way too many times. ‘Survivor’ contestants who pull this crap are just as bad as quitters in my mind! Either stay in the game and play your ass off or just quit! Do not waste other players time with these lame and indecisive tactics. Shockingly, we heard Colby use one of these lines and I was floored. I fell off the recliner and dumped Cheetos all over the ground. COLBY, really!?! After another disgraceful challenge performance by the heroes, Colby returned to camp with an injured body and a bruised ego. He was embarrassed that he couldn’t beat Rupert and the injured James in the immunity challenge. Truthfully, Colby doesn’t really seem like the type who is going to be able to wiggle through a series of poles to untangle himself. This looked more like the perfect challenge for a stripper. But, Colby beat himself up over this and spoke to his tribe admitting to his failure and his expectation of a torch snuffing at tribal council. Next, Colby plopped his Marlboro butt next to the fire and chilled out while the rest of the tribe was doing exactly what is supposed to unfold in this game – strategizing! This was the tribal dilemma: do we get rid of James because he is hurt (NOOOOO) or get rid of Colby because he has thrown in the towel? While James (who is an absolute animal) tries to prove himself with a foot race against JT, Colby is frolicking in the sea contemplating the first thing he is going to eat when he is voted off. Hmm, should it be pizza or a burger.
Get to know Colby:
At the villains tribe, the Boston Rob and Russell saga continues to brew. It’s pretty obvious, these two do not like each other and one has to go…and soon. Since both tribes have to vote a player out, the villains are scrambling to figure out who will be next to get the boot. Again, Parvati is the target on this tribe because she continues to scare everyone other than her alliance of Russell and Danielle. One thing that irks me is that we never got to see how Danielle became part of this alliance. Did Parvati pull her in, did Russell, and did she ask to be part of this? I want to know these things because Danielle is no shrinking wallflower. From my experience speaking with her, this girl has fire, has game, and has the drive to win. Danielle will probably start to stand out as she becomes confident in her alliance. When Boston Rob warns Russell to play his idol because the tribe is mad at him, Russell looks at Rob like he is crazy and shrugs it off. The rest of the tribe correctly assumes that Russell has the idol and therefore try to force a tie in order to ensure that one of the people they dislike is going home. Rob, Jerri, Coach, Tyson, Courtney, and Sandra want to split their votes between Russell and Parvati. That way if Russell plays the idol at least one of them will go home. What these six did not anticipate is that Russell is a genius! Russell figures out that this plan is brewing and sniffs out the weakest link, Tyson and lies to him about his future vote. Russell convinces Tyson that he will vote for Parvati and states “I hate to do it, but I have to.” This causes Tyson to flip his vote to Parvati and the master plan is set in motion.
At tribal council the heroes make the dumbest decision and keep Colby over James. I understand that James is hurt, but he still adds worth to the tribe. Colby has given up and James is still whooping everyone’s butt at the challenges even though he is injured. James is loyal so which is great for any alliance, whereas Colby will flip in a heartbeat if he needs to save himself. This was a huge mistake for the heroes. The tribal council for the villains was much more interesting. Russell caused Tyson to flip his vote to Parvati, therefore there were 4 votes Parvati, 2 votes Russell and 3 votes for Tyson (from Parvati, Russell and Danielle). Russell GIVES his immunity to Parvati making all the votes cast against her void and the person with the second number of votes got voted out. Bye bye Tyson. I wanted to stop the show right there and give Russell a million dollars. Like him or not he is brilliant in this game. Right now, Russell is my hero.
This was a fantastic episode and my favorite one this season. Next week I expect to see the epic feud between Boston Rob and Russell come to a head. In the end, the best player will be left standing.
Preview Next Week’s Episode:
This week I played some word association with my favorite pin-up girl, and one of the most stylish Survivors ever, Sugar.
Heroes v. Villains: LIFE
Colby: gay cowboy
Sugar Shack: best vacation spot on Earth’s Last Eden
Alliances: what is that?…
LA: Sugar Shack
Sand: softer than dirt
Pin Up: sounds cooler than actor