[Here's the latest in 'Survivor' winner Jenna Morasca's continuing series on her supporting role as a caregiver in longtime boyfriend and fellow 'Survivor' winner Ethan Zohn's battle with cancer.]
I decided to write a letter to cancer. This letter can be posted anywhere where you want a constant reminder that disease does not and will not run our lives.
I wanted to write you this letter because it is easier for me to express my feelings about you in writing rather than in person. Many times when I try to talk to you in person you don’t listen or disregard what I have to say. So now I am taking this opportunity to tell you everything I think and feel about you without interruptions.
First off I want to tell you that I hate you. I know hate is a strong word, but I made a promise to myself I would be honest in this letter and I will stick to it. I do hate you. I hate everything about you. You aren’t a good friend at all. In fact you are the exact definition of a bad friend. You never listen, you don’t care about my life, and you destroy everything in your path. In fact all you care about is yourself. Who in the world taught you to be like this! A friend is someone you invite into your life and your home. I didn’t invite you anywhere near my life. You just came in and made yourself comfortable despite the numerous times I have asked and then implored you to leave.
Lately my feelings have been getting backed up about you. You never listen when I talk. In fact, you never listen when anyone talks and I was getting very upset because of your lack of concern. That is one of the reasons why I wanted to write this letter. I am done talking to you, done thinking about you, and done letting you dictate my life. Yes you are hearing correct: we are breaking up! I don’t care if you cry, wail, or try to stalk me a bit longer I will not relent to your ways, its over. I will not think about you anymore, cry about you anymore, I have had enough. If I could, I would get a restraining order against you. But I know that will not do any good. The best revenge against you is getting you out of my head.
This break up may seem harsh, but there is no other way to deal with this situation. Why in the world would someone give you any more time when you give nothing but bad news, bad thoughts, bad vibes? All you do is take, take, and take while never give anything positive back. Oh sure, you love to give negative things back like bad diagnosis, chemotherapy, and shitty PET scans. But can you ever just give something good! I bet it would kill you to give something good back to this relationship.
In fact I am hoping by taking you out of my life and filling that spot with positive things that it may actually kill you. Gosh I can’t believe I am saying that I want you to die, BUT I DO! There I said it. I got it out of my system and into the universe. I do believe in karma and you will get yours. But it won’t be from me because I will be to busy living a happy joyous life to even think about revenge.
That’s all I need to say to you. Its over, goodbye, and see you NEVER AGAIN! Do not try and come back into my life because I will not change my mind. Its over.
Talk to you NEVER