Vampires: They’re so hot right now. Fans were already frothing at the mouth over Twilight when HBO’s True Blood came along last year. And now that The Vampire Diaries has debuted to big numbers on The CW, every studio executive in town is screaming into his Bluetooth, “Get me vampires!”
So we decided to scan the TV landscape and pinpoint some shows that could use a little… “fresh blood.” Ha-ha! Blood, get it? ‘Cause they’re vampires? Yeah, let’s just get started.
1. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
This one-time ratings powerhouse has been on a steady decline as of late—and nothing recaptures buzz like a little blood-sucking. I’m seeing a brooding young forensics savant with a score to settle and a secret taste for the red stuff. You’re welcome, CBS. Watch full episodes of CSI here.
Plenty of blood for the drinking at Sacred Heart, so a vampire resident seems like a natural. And it’s about time we saw vampires in a wacky comedy, isn’t it? I mean, they’re so serious all the time. Let’s see one join J.D. and Turk in a fantasy song-and-dance number for a change.
Talk about survivors… vampires live forever! But seriously, a vampire with super strength and super speed would dominate the immunity challenges—and could live off the blood of jungle critters while the others are stuck with boiled rice. As long as nobody fashions a crucifix out of twigs and palm fronds, my money’s on the vampire. Watch full episodes of Survivor: Samoa here.
4. America’s Next Top Model
C’mon, the pale complexions, the sunken cheeks, the dead eyes? Vampires are perfect for the fashion world. Who wouldn’t tune in to see a sassy Transylvanian model ready to sink her fangs into anyone who looks at her funny? She’d redefine the word “fierce.” Watch full episodes of America’s Next Top Model here.
Dexter the serial killer vs. a blood-thirsty vampire: This has all the makings of a classic supervillain smackdown. (Like Alien vs. Predator, but good!) I’m seeing plenty of potential conflict here: Like, who’ll get to the fresh meat first? Maybe some jealousy creeps in as the victims pile up? The writers could squeeze a couple seasons’ worth of episodes out of this, at least.
6. The Hills
Think about it: The Hills girls are already out till all hours of the night, they live a life of privilege, they show no signs of real human emotion… vampires would fit in more smoothly here than Kristin Cavallari. Except—if Spencer and Heidi get bitten, that means they’ll be around forever. Okay, forget I mentioned this one. Watch full episodes of The Hills here.
7. 60 Minutes
If any show could use a little sexing up, vampire-style, it’s this one. “Those stories, and Count Demetrius Saville with a stirring tribute to O negative… tonight, on 60 Minutes.” Although… are we entirely sure Andy Rooney’s *not* a vampire? I think I may have spotted a coffin in the background during his segment last week. Something to keep an eye on. Watch full episodes of 60 Minutes here.
Any shows we missed? Sink your fangs into the comments.