Gossip Girl: I Know What You Did This Summer — And Who

by | September 15, 2009 at 8:30 AM | Recap

Gossip Girl (The CW)

Gossip Girl (The CW)

Gossip Girl here, disappointed by a seriously underwhelming season premiere. The highlight? The advertisements for the Anna Sui Gossip Girl line at Target. I want the blue dress! And I get a kick out of a spin-off that’s so antithetical to the show’s premise. The majority of the episode was a version of the “Here’s What I Did on Summer Vacation” essay. So here ‘s what kept our favorite UESers busy this summer.

Nate

Got rid of his bangs and looks older and hotter

Continues to resent his family for doing mean things like hooking him up with a prestigious internships and buying him a sports car. I hate the way Nate acts like wealth is a burden while continuing to sponge off his family. If it’s so terrible, put yourself through college Nate.

Ditched Vanessa somewhere in Europe and got together with Bree Buckley, played by Privileged’s Joanna Garcia. The Buckleys are polirical rivals of Nate’s family.

Dan

Spent the summer in the Hamptons on Lily’s dime

Is conflicted but learning to enjoy his family’s new wealth

Is not dating anyone

Rufus

Is holding his new blended family together while Lily takes care of an ailing CeCe off camera

Spent the summer in the Hamptons with Jenny

Is living in the penthouse now and preparing to sell the Brooklyn loft

Jenny

Has no qualms about enjoying Lily’s money

Spent the summer in the Hamptons with Eric and Rufus

Vanessa

Has terrible dreadlock hair extensions

Is dating Scott, who unbeknownst to her is Dan and Serena’s long lost sibling

Deeply resents and is jealous of Dan’s new financial status

Chuck and Blair

Chuck is now dressing like Gordon Gekko. I miss his dandy puple outfits.

Chuck plans to buy his own apartment and is living on his own.

He and Blair have found a novel way to keep their relationship from becoming boring: kinky games. Chuck picks up a woman, Blair tells her off before anything can happen, and they both get turned on.

Serena

Serena told everyone she was going on an Eat, Pray, Love style pilgrimage. Instead she partied her way through Europe becoming an even bigger tabloid fixture.

Along the way, she started sleeping with traveling paerner Carter. Then she dumped him.

Serena and Nate’s (unconnected) returns home kick off the action. Serena is chased everywhere by the paparazzi. She pretends to hate it but loves the attention. She tells a concerned Dan that Carter is stalking her. He teams up with Blaire to keep Carter away.

Everyone attends the Vanderbilt family’s polo match. Vanessa even finagles an invitation from Dan at Scott’s request. Vanessa has a meltdown over how Dan’s changed: he rides in limos, he wears expensive suits, he’s a VIP guest at polo matches. Dan delivers a satisfying smackdown when he tells her that, actually this is a rough time for his family. His father it taking care of Lily’s kids while their grandmother is ill, it’s a huge transition for the Humphreys, and that she is a self-righteous ass with bad hair. Scott makes a point of meeting Rufus and shakes his hand. Are his intentions good or evil? Who knows, because the actor playing him is so bland.

Blair’s concerned that Chuck is too into their kinky games, and it’s only a matter of time before he strays for real. When he leaves the party without her, she assumes he’s cheating. Instead, he just had a headache. He sweetly says that he isn’t Chuck Bass without her. Then they decide to keep things interesting by role-playing without a third party. Chuck is the waiter and Blair is the disdainful customer. This storyline was like a dramatization of a Savage Love column. The moral: ladies, it’s fun to be GGG!

Nate introduces Bree to his grandfather. He is for some reason livid that his grandfather has arranged for him to have another internship with the mayor’s office. Bree reveals that she is estranged from her family, too, only she wants to get back in their good graces. Nate’s grandfather assures him it’s fine if he turns down the internship. Then he makes a mysterious phone call suggesting that he is more interested in getting revenge on the Buckleys than in supporting Nate.

When Serena learns that Blair has taken out a restraining order against Carter, she gallops away on a polo horse. Carter chases after her and they have a heated conversation about her father’s refusal to see her in Europe. They have sex in the woods, but Serena has disappeared by the time he is dressed. They have far more chemistry then Serena and Dan ever did. Disappointingly, Serena’s tabloid-courting behavior is just a very literal attempt to get her father’s attention. What is she, 12? Rufus pays off all the paparazzi so they will stop photographing her. Why they wouldn’t take his money and just keep doing it is unexplained. They’re paparazzi; they have no moral code. Serena still has one photographer in her back pocket. He assures her that his photos of her on the horse will run in Europe and Asia where her father will see them.

Quote of the week: “I guess Goop is good for something,” — Serena, explaining how she used Gwyneth’s website to convince her family she was visiting an Ashram instead of partying. Yeah, the pickings were slim this week.

Next week, everyone starts college and the previews make it look like it will be far more interesting. XOXO