‘I’m a Celebrity..’ Recap: Many Complaints – One Surprise Ending

by | June 9, 2009 at 11:17 AM | Recap

Last week I pointed out that on ‘I’m A Celebrity,’ the rules seem to be made up as they go along. Well by the end of the episode every celeb was ready to rush the producer’s tent with the same justified complaint.

In case you forgot, we left off a scant 96 hours ago with the possible reinstatement of Team Speidi keeping all of America in limbo. The celebrity verdict was on its way.

Janice Dickinson‘s shared her thoughts about Speidi, “They’re so hated. People can’t stand them and that’s why I love them so much.” Sounds to me like they can all be BFF’s. The celebrity vote on their reinstatement was as expected. They’re back.

Under one condition, they’d have to spend the night in a room filled with every creepy creature in the jungle crawling over them. Watching Spencer spoon Heidi while whispering the most ridiculous made up on the spot prayers (just like the rules) into his behind the curve wife’s ear, can only anger Jesus. They use his name to the point where being smote down wouldn’t seem illogical.

While Daniel Baldwin doesn’t buy any of Spencer’s “b.s.”, Stephen said he felt their redemption was “real.” Daniel pointed out the truth. “He smacks bottles out of people’s hands and then tells them he’s going to kill them. Exactly what denomination of Christianity is that?” I like Daniel, he’s Stephen without the fanfare.

We were all treated to an advance treat of Heidi’s upcoming CD. She belted out a few bars of her “rocker” number. The intense high pitch shrill of Heidi’s voice will for sure protect them against any charging animals. Janice described it best, “Sounds like a cat getting doused with water.” Janice had to apologize on her knees (all for the dramatic effect) to Heidi. Spencer warned her, “Bring it down if you don’t want a problem with her husband or else I’m going to Spence out!” Cool, now there’s a name for his condition.

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Some of the thoughts that come out of the cast are mindboggling. Francis, what’s left of comedy duo Frangela, couldn’t go on anymore and said about her partner being voted off and left alone, “You just can’t break up Abbott and Costello.” Then she quit, walked over the bridge and we were able to focus on more important things. Like Heidi telling us she wasn’t always rich. That she came from a modest family and there were plenty of times when she, “couldn’t afford Ramen or tampons.” Ick.

Spencer was walking around the camp screaming things like, “Can you hear me Jesus!!!” At this point as entertaining as this fake religious feast is, I wonder what people who actually have real respect and follow their faith feel. Not good I’m sure.

Then it was Patti Blagojevich’s turn to vent. With prodding from none other than Spencer, “you’ve got nothing to lose at this point”, she told us plain and simple whey she’s in the jungle, “I’m trying to save our house, keep our kids in school.” Spencer then said “He can’t wait to go to Chicago and help Patti out.” I think we should all hold him to that promise.

I did feel bad for Patti in the confessional booths. Her husband – what he did – no comment. But I do understand her challenge with keeping food on her table and a roof over her families head and not promoting herself like everyone else there is to do. So I have to give her props. Don’t forget, she’s not a celebrity and this can’t be fun for her.

A public voted challenge pitted Sanjaya against Janice D. They were shackled and placed in a tank amongst snakes, frogs and baby crocs. Yeah, baby crocs. Finally, this is getting good. Sanjaya unlocked himself and Janice panicked, so chalk up another victory for the men’s team. Janice looked in the camera and said about her defeat, “I’m sorry America.” Apology accepted.

Looking at Janice, who at one point was one of the premier super models in the world, I which she would have never had one stitch of plastic surgery. I think she would look gorgeous still instead of reconstructed for no reason. In all seriousness, the surgery has aged her a good 15 years.
Major highlight came next before Heidi began throwing up. We got a few minutes of her dancing in a bikini. Nice…

Then a few bouts of fake nausea (nothing came out) with Spencer screaming, “Jesus, make Heidi feel well!” They simply want out. And their wish was granted. They were headed to the hospital and Spence was saddened because “he wished you could see the new Spencer.” He then he carried her over the bridge. Or for a few frames of film that is. If I’m expected to believe that Spencer carried her all the way to the road where they were met by an ambulance, it’s a sheer insult to my intelligence.

Heidi was very sick with a stomach ache. Watching her go through the fits of pain while she was doubling over with I totally related. I had that same stomach ache many, many times in my life. Anytime I didn’t have my homework ready, there was a test I didn’t study for, or I didn’t want to participate in gym class, that stomach was always at the ready. But after elementary school, unlike Speidi, that excuse stopped working.

Everyone is beginning to come down on Janice and rightfully so. She contributes nothing and when confronted by Daniel she charged at him, “What exactly do you do?” He fired back, “Me? I clean the latrine, I also..” You can stop right there pal. Matter of fact, you win the game.

One more challenge next to crown a new camp leader. It came down to Lou Diamond Phillips trying to remain leader and upstart Daniel Baldwin. When Lou couldn’t finish his plate of giant worms and forfeited, we’d assume Daniel was the new leader.

Not so fast. The ever changing rules now point out that everything on Daniel’s plate had to be eaten and since he didn’t finish it, Lou was still the leader. You can’t make up the rules as you go along, it loses major credibility for the viewers. In the hospital Heidi’s tests came up negative (duh), even the one for kidney stones showed nothing and Speidi were headed back to Los Angeles on the red eye.

However, a surprise ending was moment away.

First, the guys having won the challenge won another real dinner. However, the rules czar changed them again and the men were delivered a small portion of their food as a penalty for sharing the previous meal with the gals. This was even too much for the celebs to handle. They began to revolt and who can blame them? John Salley in particular was pissed. “You can’t change the rules just like that. “If you hire me for 5 dollars and pay me a dollar you owe me 4 dollars.” Hire you for 5 dollars? I hope you got the number of Speidi’s agent before they split Costa Rica.

Next came the surprise. Walking into camp was the replacement Montag, Heidi’s sister and Hills resident, Holly Montag. We were left hanging, literally as the final immunity challenge had the celebs (sans Janice) hanging from bars seeing who can last. Due to the Stanley Cup finals we won’t find out till Wednesday eve who wins.

Interestingly, the installment of Dateline which followed was called “The Trouble with the Hill.” Add an “s” to “Hill” and you’ve got killer cross promotion.

All in all, a good episode and now that we’ve got a new Montag in the mix, I have to wonder if Speidi actually left the island for real this time.