Sorry. I’m a rookie to The Bachelor. I’ve seen snippets in the past and clicked right through. But, being the fair-minded journalist I am, when I got the assignment, I put my objective 3D glasses on and, to my pleasant surprise, from the first night I was hooked just like Franklin Hart Jr. got on Days Of Our Lives. But, let me get this straight. The final test for Jason Mesnick as to who gets the ring is sleeping with all 3 women? One at a time of course. But, did the ladies know this going in? I guess now I understand DeAnna Pappas and Jesse a little better. But what does that say about Jason’s love-making skills?
Last night the action (literally) moved to New Zealand where the Final 3, Jillian, Molly and Melissa, take their turns on exciting day dates that end up in the Fantasy Suite, replete with hot tub, giant comfy bed and a fully stocked open bar. Of course Jason makes the decision whether or not the chemistry was right enough to offer an invitation to the luxury sleepover, and bless his heart, he was 3-for-3.
Has there ever been a strikeout? I’ll have to go to the research department (me) for the answer to that one, but my gut feeling is hell no. What does The Bachelor have to lose? He gets to sleep with 2 women he already knows are not even in the running. Each week we hear Jason say “I’m falling in love with (fill in the number) women.” Is that possible? To fall simultaneously in love with more than one woman? I’d have to say, for most men, not a chance. But for The Bachelor, it’s a scientific experiment well worth undertaking. If ABC truly wants ratings (this season has seen a rise in viewership) they should move the fantasy night up to the first episode. Plowing through 25 gorgeous women will make the decision that much easier, even if exhaustion is the result, and ratings will go through the roof.
Jillian is first up in the order and Jason takes her on a stroll along a spectacular cliffside where there are plenty of “taking the plunge” metaphors. Later, at dinner in what looks like a candlelit bomb shelter turned wine cellar, they have a heart-to-heart and Jillian thaws out a bit by telling Jason ”I have never met somebody that I’ve been attracted to physically and that I’ve had amazing conversation with and that I’ve had a connection with and that you have so much fun with and that gets me right away.” It’s the longest sentence uttered yet and the alliteration earns her the invite to the fantasy suite.
But now that I know the true score I realize that something has been nagging at me. Jason has a different look in his eye when he talks with any of the girls other than Melissa. It’s only with her that the gleam comes through. Still, everybody needs a place to sleep, so Jillian gets tucked in. But not before they take a dip in the hot tub and we get a 2 minute look at what The Bachelor is really all about. Jill’s legs are splayed around J’s hips and she even reaches down to caress his butt. I’ve only heard of such things, but it looked just like a soft porn movie to me. If I’d ever seen one of course.
The night of passion is quickly filed away (upon reflection, it seems fishy that Jason has set the batting order as Jillian, Molly THEN Melissa) as Jason takes Molly on a leap of faith. They strap themselves in to a bunjee and jump off the bridge where the sport was invented.
It looks like fun and the jump has the desired effect. Molly opens up some more herself by whipping out a list of 20 questions designed to help her decision making process. You know, in case they do get hitched, she wants to know what his favorite kind of ice cream is. For the record, it’s chocolate-peanut butter. Apparently, it’s just what she wanted to hear. ”I really think I’m falling in love with you” offers Molly. So Jason immediately whips out his “Go Directly To Bed” card. They do not pass Go and they do not collect 200 dollars. All we get is a smooch in the tub. The rest is left to an increasingly fevered imagination.
Finally, Jason gets to the object of his real desire when Melissa shows up, looking adorable and all brushed up on history. They’re taking a boat ride on Winston Churchill’s old yacht. Mel is nervous. She babbles on about being afraid of going home, even though it would be worth the ride. She’s almost ready to tell him she loves him, but Jason brings up the day he didn’t get to Meet The Parents. Ominously, Melissa admits she hasn’t spoken with them. But Jason actually looks relieved. “Falling in love with Melissa has nothing to do with her parents.” It has everything to do with whether she accepts his invitation for a sleepover. We get even less face sucking time, but Jason probably hurried the crew that night, turning down suggestions of a second take. The door to the Fantasy Suite closes early.
Before the Rose ceremony, Chris Harrison pops in for a chat. Jason is looking really nervous, probably because he’s realizing the nefarious task before him: Cutting 2 ladies loose who he’s spent the night with, even though he’s just not that into them. A video message from each doesn’t help. When Molly admits she’s totally in love with him, not even the low lighting can hide Jason’s green pallor. He breaks out into a flop sweat that produces a first tear. This job is getting harder, even with all the benefits.
Jason gives the first rose to Melissa. May as well get the easy part over with. Molly pulls down the last rose and Jillian is stunned to hear she’s going home. Jason looks as nervous as a Jehovah’s Witness at a blood bank as he sits with her on the loser bench and explains that although she is “amazing” he just doesn’t feel the connection. Not even a butt scratch in a hot tub changes his mind. This guy is good.
After Jillian is sent away in the the loser limo, Jason returns to the two ladies who now look like they’re about to scratch each other’s eyes out, all the while hugging and proclaiming their undying devotion to one another. Jason explains that the week ahead will be spent again in New Zealand, only this time, Molly and Melissa get to meet Ty and the rest of the family. A quick look at Jason’s older brothers apparently does not scare either lady away – yet.
NEXT WEEK: The losers reunite to relive their experiences and it looks like it’ll be a lot of fun to watch. Although I don’t really get why this is done before the final Rose Ceremony. Hey, when you’re on a roll… then the shocker.
Although we have been ceaselessly lead to believe that DeAnna Pappas would pop up somewhere in last night’s episode, it’s all a tease as we find out it’ll take 2 weeks for that monkey wrench to get thrown into the works. Jason tries his best to look anguished, but I have to believe that Melissa has the whole thing tied up. Looks like Jillian’s hot dog theory couldn’t cut the mustard.
Unless DeAnna manages to score a night in the Fantasy Suite. On a season full of broken rules and surprising twists, it would make perfect sense.
Find out when The Bachelor spins out its last 2 episodes Mondays at 8:00 on ABC.
We’ll be watching on Fancast.