I was a little worried to interview Bret Michaels, not because he’s the biggest star I’ve shared a couch with or he intimidates me with his wit, rather he cancelled his Reality Remix appearance 6 times and I worried he’d be a big diabetic diva. No, no he wasn’t. Bret was sweet and little and he drove himself to the set! Not only that, he admitted he gained biblical knowledge of 6 of the 15 girls in the house on season 1, including winner sweet Jes! What happened to Jes?
Bret still wasn’t quite sure. He knew things weren’t quite right before she dropped the bomb at the reunion, but he still didn’t have an explanation for how she went from last skank standing to relationship killing heartbreaker during the course of the show. My guess is absence makes the heart go “eeewwwwwww!” when you relive your “boyfriend” getting mouth love from a psycho as countless others agree to be violated on national television. Jes is a smart girl, and smart girls know when to step back so the petri dish can take the stage again for another unclean stab at love.
This season of Rock of Love promises to be outrageous as they’ve trucked in a new crop of strippers, hoo’ers and grandmas. Grandmas you say? Well, practically. There is an oddly hot 45 year old in the mix with bad hair and great skin who looks like a DNA dumpster from way back. Another surprise is network reality vet Megan, Scooter’s partner from two seasons ago on Beauty and the Geek, who is an avowed Bret Michaels fan and has gone from high rent network “social experiment” to experimenting with Bret’s bulge in his faux leopard boudoir. Does she really love Bret, or does she know being a breakout star on this highly rated train wreck might get her the kind of tawdry attention she knows will send her father to an early grave?
Another standout is French transsexual Angelique, who might not actually pee standing up but she does have enough yucky attributes and botched plastic surgery to look like she’s hiding something…like a dick. Every girl in the house knows her way around the stripper pole, which I suppose could be double entendre for Bret’s wad, and none was more adept than Sylvester Stallone look alike Jackye whose ethnic face looked a little worn, but whose tattoos betrayed her former life as a sailor.
She was chosen to be one of Bret’s bitches and survived elimination, but in a strange turn of events chose to leave the show because of her crippling panic disorder. Another casualty was African American beauty Eryn who was pulled aside with three ladies as all the other girls got to go in the house (we saw this trick last season when the butter faces were thrown off the show before it even began), instead clever Big John informed the four they were actually Bret’s VIP girls who were given special passes, their own bedroom, armfuls of gifts and new ammunition to make all the other hos jealous. The other three VIPers were spared (including Megan) and this promises to be a wild season. From the preview clips it doesn’t look like there are as many jaw dropping moments as last time around, but with enough booze and boobs there is always hope that this train wreck will take us into the station during the writers’ strike.