Jamie Lynn vs Britney: Kennedy Rants On A Spears Sister Smackdown

by | January 9, 2008 at 10:18 AM |

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by Kennedy, host of Reality Remix

With drama unfolding moment by moment in the New Hampshire primary it’s hard to imagine anyone’s gaze is fixed anywhere but the wildly independent north east, that is unless you’re a reality fan and your gaze is fastened further south. On Jamie Lynn Spears uterus.

Normally this blog is reserved for reality show recaps and rants that target this tawdry microcosm, but like I’ve said before all things revolve around reality TV. I know JLS is the star of the now defunct Zoey 101, but since her wagon is hitched to her sister’s filthy, disease ridden star, AND since her sister sold herself out to make Britney and Kevin: Chaotic (the most dizzying and horrific reality show in the modern era), then Jamie Lynn is a reality star adjacent and thus fair game.

The sad fact about the Spears girls’ one-upmanship is not them destroying their own lives, careers and reputations. I don’t care if they burn out and fade away in a sea of denim hot pants and bad driving. Good riddance you weave wearing, apricot lip gloss toting, white trash hillbillies!

What saddens me is the welfare huffing future train wreck slowly developing in Jamie’s underdeveloped organ. Britney’s kids stand a marginal chance of success (and by “success” I mean not total, utter, social services siphoning failure) because Federline was smart enough to get some cash and get out, and one can hope that fertile buffoon cares enough to use his unearned millions to at least hire good third party help to bring some structure into these poor boys lives.

Jamie Lynn has not had the luxury of destroying her life after making 50-75 million the hard way (by prostituting herself as a teen pop tart during the 90s ridiculous boyband/pop phase), and though this cutie-pie has found moments of pseudo fame as the ripening antidote to her sister’s washed up disaster she has never really cashed in.

The only hope she has is her sister offing herself and leaving a generous will that covers the kin back in Kentwood, but realistically Brit is here for a while (she’s too much of a tabloid narcissist to check out without another decade of shameless US Weekly covers) so Jamie Lynn will be forced to deal with her child the old fashioned way. She can pawn the thing off on mama Lynn while she catfights her sister for a spot in the limelight. My worry is these two will stop at nothing to outdo each other and will use their children as pawns in a dangerous chess game that simultaneously destroys their kids insuring they will drain social services for a depressing lifetime to come.